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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think no, I am not too young

61 replies

RedEyedGirl · 02/01/2019 18:52

I am 27, and been with my OH for 9 years. We live together, are looking for a house to buy, and are engaged.

I received a comment today from a woman I work with. She asked me about my engagement ring, and then how old I was, how long we'd been together etc. When I said we'd been together since we were 18 she said, "that's young. But even now, you're still too young to get married."

I am a bit offended. She may be in her late 30s, but she has known her husband for only 4 years (so less time than I have known my OH), and had a baby after knowing him less than a year. Yet I am 'too young' despite knowing my partner for nearly a decade Hmm

AIBU to think age doesn't matter? It's not like we are not teenagers.

OP posts:
SpaceCadet4000 · 03/01/2019 01:35

You're certainly not too young to get married, it sounds like she didn't realise how rude comments like that are.

I was 24 when I married DH and am 28 now. I had someone tell me how surprised they were that "someone like me" would marry "so young" as if the second the ring went on my finger I would cease to be an ambitious professional and become a kept woman Hmm

Cherries101 · 03/01/2019 01:36

She was probably referencing that you were 18 when you met, hence the longer than average dating period prior to your engagement / wedding. A lot of people believe that when you meet ‘the one’ you usually get engaged / married within 2-4 years.

TimeForDinnerDinnerDinner · 03/01/2019 01:39

Blimey, folk don't half enjoy sticking their beak into other people's business Angry
Ignore her.
You're not too young, and more importantly, it's nothing to do with her Smile

Weathermonger · 03/01/2019 01:45

Met my husband when I was 14. Wed at 22. Happily married for 33 years. Ignore your colleague, you and only you, know what's right for you.

DanielRicciardosSmile · 03/01/2019 01:55

How bizarre. I got married at 27, having been with DH for 4 and a half years, and certainly didn't feel like a "young" bride.

Vampiratequeen · 03/01/2019 02:17

I got married to my DH when I was 27, we started dating when I was 18. We have been married 3 years this year and together for 12 and we have 2 DC.
27 is not too young, don't listen to her.

BumbleBeee69 · 03/01/2019 02:18

She sounds jealous you found your soulmate at 18 OP.

pineapplebryanbrown · 03/01/2019 02:28

I'm jealous of (and happy for) all of you who met your DHs young, i think it's lovely.

irisheyesaresmiling7 · 03/01/2019 02:53

I met my now DH when we were both 18.

We got engaged just over 2 months after we met and got married when I had just turned 21 and he was 20.
23 years later (married for 20 of those) with 5 DC he is still my best friend & soulmate and I his.
We've had our ups and downs like everyone else but we always turn to each other and he is the only person I truly & completely trust!
I guess we just grew up together and I can completely see us growing old together!

.

Racecardriver · 03/01/2019 02:59

Your fertility is already declining. You are definitely not too you. I really don’t understand this British attitude of putting off marriage/family until one’s thirties. If you were a naive sixteen year old marrying with your parents consent ok, that is probably too young. But a woman of 27? Come on. Of course you are old enough to make the decision and once you reach that stage of maturity the sooner you do it the better.

BetsyBigNose · 03/01/2019 03:36

You're definitely not too young to get married!

I met DH at 23, married at 26, DD1 at 27 and DD2 at 28 - we celebrated our 12 year wedding anniversary last week!

PineapplePower · 03/01/2019 03:48

Why did her comments upset you? I’d guess you get all sorts of them when people ask about your engagement, I wouldn’t take it too personally. In the end, while dating since 18 is a surprising thing, 27 is a perfectly normal time to be married (I may have joked once or twice that no one should be married before 30, but I don’t actually believe it!)

Gwenhwyfar · 03/01/2019 07:09

"People seem to focus so much on age that they ignore how long you have known each other, or been together. "

Yes, but there's a belief that we change more when we're young than when we're older so I think age does come into it.

anniehm · 03/01/2019 07:59

Ignore them, I was married with 2 kids at your age (we too met at 18). My kids are adults (just) and we are still together. Naysayers annoy me, most of my friends also were with their partners by early 20's, and all but one are still married - we are all university educated (apparently there's a split in normal marriage ages based on education).

Unfinishedkitchen · 03/01/2019 08:22

27 is definitely not too young to marry. However, I’m not going to lie, I wouldn’t like my own DD to get into such a serious relationship at 18. I’d feel she was restricting herself.

I know the majority on here are saying they married their first boyfriend and it all worked out but in my experience two of my friends married their first boyfriends and both are now in their 40s and wish they’d spread their wings more. They also feel they’ve changed as people and would not have picked their DHs if they’d met them at 30. Both have almost had affairs too.

I’m not saying this is true of all relationships where couples have met very young. I’m saying that in my experience the only two people I know who’ve done this feel that they settled and settled down far too young.

BackBoiler · 03/01/2019 08:26

I got loads of comments when I got married at 20. I started going out with him at 15. It didn't change much by the way of spending time with friends etc

Trills · 03/01/2019 08:29

27 is not too young to get married.

I do think that most people change a lot between 18 and their mid-20s, and I always wonder if someone getting married to their boyfriend-from-age-18 is just doing it because they can't imagine not being together, they have no experience of adult life outside of that relationship, rather than because they are actually good together.

SignOnTheWindow · 03/01/2019 08:33

How odd.

I met my DC's father when I was 19. We had a house together by the time I was 26 and a baby by 27. It's not unusual.

She can't see beyond her own experience.

Napssavelives · 03/01/2019 08:34

I was married at 24, been with dh 13 years. We have 2 kids and another one of the way. I sometimes get the odd you had your kids young thing but like you said in your OP I’d been with my DH a longtime. Congrats !

Topseyt · 03/01/2019 08:37

I got married at 27, having met DH when I was 19. DD1 was born 18 months later.

Last August we celebrated our 25th Wedding Anniversary.

Ignore her. It was a patronising remark.

InTheBirdBox · 03/01/2019 08:41

No OP! I'm 25 and get married next year to my DP who is (shock,horror) 8 years older than me.

firawla · 03/01/2019 08:41

It’s a bizarre comment from her, I. Wouldn’t be giving it a 2nd thought. 27 is not young to get married - it seems very average. Maybe she just plucked something to say for small talk so I wouldn’t over think it.
I’ve been with my dh since 17 and married at 18, and if someone told me that was “too young” Im not bothered what they think as we’re still happily married many years later so what’s it to them??

PerfectPeony · 03/01/2019 08:41

Yeah that’s ridiculous.

Met at 18/19, engaged at 24, married at 25 and had our baby at 26. Smile

Age doesn’t mean much. We are lucky to have met at a young age, travelled, bought a house and climbed the career ladder enough to be ready for kids.

I wouldn’t want to be starting a family in my late 30’s/ 40’s.

strawberrisc · 03/01/2019 08:42

Even if you were 18 people shouldn’t give unwantes and unasked for “advice”. Can’t stand people like that.

ISdads · 03/01/2019 08:45

20 years down the line and I'm starting to see that we were young, and changed in different ways. The issue now is being single when I had always been with my partner as an adult. Discovering my adult self. But there are no guarantees with any relationship. What can you do??