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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

That you don't kiss your mate's wife on the lips?

93 replies

SheNumpty · 02/01/2019 18:14

I don't know if this is just me being more reserved than most, but a handful of my husband's mates always kiss me on the lips when they see me. One of them even goes in for seconds when he feels like it.

It's always in front of my husband, and he obviously knows me and his friends well enough to know there's nothing in it, but it still makes me feel a bit weird.

I've been with him for seven years, and married for five with a three year old, just for context - not that it's particularly relevant.

So guys and gals, I'm just wondering if your partner's friends do this to you too? And, if they do, how do you feel about it? AIBU to think it's a little odd?

OP posts:

Original poster

SheNumpty · 02/01/2019 20:51

@ZanyMobster Weirdly I find the idea of having my hand held even weirder than the lip kissing, can't explain why though.

@Onehellofaride Glad I'm not the only one too painfully polite to mention it. I can't think of anything more awkward.

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe thank you, was starting to feel a bit of a tit there for a while there M'duck!

@BlaaBlaaBlaa I think you have it there, it's got to be mutual, and that's only ever going to be between me and my husband in my book.

OP posts:

Original poster

SheNumpty · 02/01/2019 20:53

@thundercats192 It's usually when we're all there in a group. A couple have done it in front of their other halves yes, the others are the types who are never in a serious relationship to have a significant other present.

OP posts:

ZanyMobster · 02/01/2019 21:01

SheNumpty - maybe the context matters, late at night, busy club or station or something, a protective/safety thing. Often drink, wearing high heels etc too.

I do think people should respect boundaries, to me I think he pretty obvious the people who are comfortable with being touched, kissed on the lips and those who aren't. I suspect some people choose to ignore that which isn't really fair . . .

ZanyMobster · 02/01/2019 21:02

That should say drunk not drink

Original poster

SheNumpty · 02/01/2019 21:06

@ZanyMobster In this case, and the occasions I've been pondering for a bit, we were all gathered in the local pub on Christmas Day at midday where we all met up for a couple of drinks to wish everyone a merry Christmas before all going off to do our own thing. Very civilised, nobody drunk.

OP posts:

MaisyPops · 02/01/2019 21:07

Polite kiss on the cheek is fine (though I tend to get DH's friends on the neck due to height difference! ).

Lips is weird.

ZanyMobster · 02/01/2019 21:09

Sorry I meant the hand holding thing but yes also relevant to the kissing. I think people can be a bit more tactile or emotional around christmas/New year.

At the end of the day if you are not keen then you need to make it clear.

Original poster

SheNumpty · 02/01/2019 21:26

@ZanyMobster oh sorry, yes of course in that case, definitely a protective thing now I think about it, not really strange at all.

OP posts:

Pugwash1 · 02/01/2019 21:41

We've always been a kiss on the lips family. Don't know why, just something we have grown up with. Mum, Dad when he was alive, brother, aunt, brother in law when he's not being a nob. Also with close male and female friends. There's nothing sexual in it but I don't know why we do it. There is one new older male friend who did it and for some reason I hated it with him so did what someone else suggested and said I had a cold sore which has stopped it with him. We are a pretty tactile family though, always hugging and never leave a family member without telling them we love each other if we won't be seeing them for a while. Now I KNOW we are weird rather than just thinking our family was bonkers as no one else on here seems to do this!

TheWiseWomansFear · 02/01/2019 21:42

My DPs female friends kiss me on the lips but not the men

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 02/01/2019 21:47

I don't think anyone kisses me on the lips but DH and the DC. Everyone else knows I'm dead inside. One of DH's mates from Uni once kissed me on the neck whilst he went in for a hug which made my arse clench so hard I could hardly sit. I told DH about it after and he said the guy was always very touchy-feely and each time I've met him since I've been practically wrapped in barbed wire and ready for battle.

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 02/01/2019 21:48

pugwash if you're weird then so are we! Friends and families get kisses, hugs and ' I love you's'

Cherries101 · 02/01/2019 21:51

My cousin’s DH does this. He’s a bit of a perve so we duck

HeebieJeebies456 · 02/01/2019 21:52

Most of us teach our dc - especially daughters - that any touching/kissing/hugging that is unwanted or makes you feel uncomfortable is not acceptable and that it's perfectly ok to say 'no'.
Would you force your dc to accept this op?

You need to feel confident in your personal boundaries and asserting them.
Your dc will take their que from you so teach them via your actions.

I actually find it rather creepy that one of them will go for seconds if he can....that tells me he's getting some perverted pleasure from doing this to you, knowing that your husband won't say anything (for whatever reason).
He knows you feel 'powerless' to do anything and is playing on that.

Does your husband kiss other women on the lips op?

Mylittlelot · 02/01/2019 22:40

Next time could you turn your cheek when he comes towards you and just tap your cheek as though to say put it here ? Xxx

Original poster

SheNumpty · 03/01/2019 21:03

@HeebieJeebies456 I think the problem I have saying no to them is that the weirdness I feel is less than the weirdness I'd feel for having mentioned it. As I've said, I like these guys, I just find it odd.

I certainly will educate my DD that it's ok to say no, but she'll decide herself how to deal with things like that based on the circumstance.

And no, my husband doesn't kiss anyone but me on the lips, I would not like it if he did, and that's why I'm not sure why he thinks nothing of his mates kissing me. The weirdness I feel is partly in case he took exception so it but it doesn't bother him.

OP posts:

Original poster

SheNumpty · 03/01/2019 21:04

@Mylittlelot I will try that, alongside saying I've got a cold sore coming / I am just getting over a virus.

OP posts:

IchWill · 03/01/2019 22:34

Interesting post OP. Never given it any thought before.

But now you mention it, I do have some close friends and we hug and kiss when greeting or say goodbye and we peck on the lips. Male and female friends that is too.

These are my closest / best friends. Other good friends it's hugs and kissing on the cheek, wider friendship circle it's hugs and maybe air kisses.

I grew up kissing family on the lips (I know this practice was recently dividing people after the David Beckham and Harper pic), but in general I'm a tactile person and the majority of my mates (bar one or two) are the same.

I'm proper over thinking it now. I went to a gig the other day with a male friend (I'm female) I've known since 16 (41 now), my boyfriend didn't fancy the gig but came out to say hello to my mate when he dropped me off, I gave mate a hug a peck on the lips before waving him off with alongside my DP.

DP has never mentioned it as a problem and a couple of my friends say "love you" to me at the end of calls. Again, never given it any thought. If he had a problem with it, I'd tone it down though.

Different strokes for different folks I guess.

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