Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That you don't kiss your mate's wife on the lips?

93 replies

SheNumpty · 02/01/2019 18:14

I don't know if this is just me being more reserved than most, but a handful of my husband's mates always kiss me on the lips when they see me. One of them even goes in for seconds when he feels like it.

It's always in front of my husband, and he obviously knows me and his friends well enough to know there's nothing in it, but it still makes me feel a bit weird.

I've been with him for seven years, and married for five with a three year old, just for context - not that it's particularly relevant.

So guys and gals, I'm just wondering if your partner's friends do this to you too? And, if they do, how do you feel about it? AIBU to think it's a little odd?

OP posts:
Original poster
SheNumpty · 02/01/2019 18:36

@apintofharpandapacketofdates why was he so happy about that?

I asked DH once if he thought it was strange that they kissed me like that, and he just sort of shrugged and said that they probably did it to everyone, and they're just friendly sorts.

OP posts:
Original poster
SheNumpty · 02/01/2019 18:38

@halfwitpicker

Sorry for using that term of it offends, wasn't intending to upset anyone with my semantics.

OP posts:
SuchAToDo · 02/01/2019 18:40

If they are your dh friends can you tell him that you don't like it when they kiss you on the lips, so that when you tell them not to do it, if they ignore you and try to do it anyway he can back you up and tell them to stop..

Can't dh have a word with them though and tell them not to do it...you shouldn't have to be kissed on the lips if you aren't comfortable

hairypaws · 02/01/2019 18:40

No chance. I don't kiss them anywhere and don't hug either. There's no way I'd kiss his friends 😱

Caron2ds · 02/01/2019 18:41

Yuk! No way would I allow that. Tell them you have a cold sore coming and keep on with that excuse until they get picture. As soon as one goes in for the kiss again....nope cold sore still brewing.

bakingdemon · 02/01/2019 18:41

Ugh, no. DH is the only person who I kiss on the lips and who I let kiss me on the lips.

Original poster
SheNumpty · 02/01/2019 18:45

@SuchAToDo I mentioned it to him once, albeit in a more querying way than objection, but he seemed to think I was being odd myself by even mentioning it. He's known these men since he was four, they're all like brothers, I don't think he would think it was a big enough deal to mention it to them unless I made a big fuss and then he'd just tell me I'm overreacting.

I'm going to either have to make a joke about it and hope they get the message, or shove my hand in their faces and tell them I'm just getting over a virus and don't want to pass on germs. I know I should just be able to tell them, but I don't want to make them feel awkward back.

OP posts:
UtterlyDesperate · 02/01/2019 18:47

We definitely did not laugh, OP - I have the horrors that he might think I did it on purpose (I really didn't!): I'm a fat middle aged woman old enough to be his (grand) mumGrin. It was a parting Happy New Year thing after he'd popped over to wrangle the dishwasher - I'm definitely not doing that again! (Any of it Grin)

But in your case, I think it's clearly deliberate - when I was a child, there were one or two elderly people who were all about kisses on the lips, but frankly, it's a bit weird and creepy. And it's all very well to tell you to raise it with them, but I would never do that - creating awkwardness and/or making someone else feel uncomfortable is the height of rudeness as far as I am concerned. Right up there with creating an "atmosphere" Grin

Any way you could jokily make something of it: have you tried shouting "Oi, no tongues I said!"? If not, could you?!

SawnUpLooRoll · 02/01/2019 18:48

I do kiss DD, or at least I used to, but now I have to stay out of range as she retaliates by licking my face.

@Firesuit I see that our daughters are the same species... Grin

UtterlyDesperate · 02/01/2019 18:48

Cross post, op Grin

Polskieexpat · 02/01/2019 18:49

Oh this would freak me out if my DHs friends did this to me!! I'm pregnant and we went to a wedding that happened to have me ad DH and 3 of his male friends at the same table as us. They all thought it was acceptable to touch my stomach. It was horrible so I cannot imagine them trying to kiss me on the lips!! I'd probably slap them!

coolwalking · 02/01/2019 18:49

A lovely friend of ours we see a couple of times a year does this. It's not pervy but very odd. We always laugh about it and say "every time!!!"

Polskieexpat · 02/01/2019 18:50

@UtterlyDesperate

When I first met my husbands mother I had the same situation and we ended up kissing on the lips Blush it was 8 years ago now and I still cringe when I think about it!!

Billballbaggins · 02/01/2019 18:52

Turn your cheek, point to it and say ‘on the cheek’ every time. It’s weird.

chestylarue52 · 02/01/2019 18:54

I kiss my female friends on the lips. I have one male friend who I kiss on the lips. If some bloke I barely knew kissed me on the lips I'd push him off and cause a scene.

Original poster
SheNumpty · 02/01/2019 18:54

@UtterlyDesperate I'm glad that I'm not the only one unwilling to make things awkward for both of us over it. I'm starting to feel bad that I've not got it in me to tell them to stop after some of these responses. If I liked them less, I might, but they're my friends too I like to think.

Your suggestion made me laugh though, I think that might go down well with them and get the message across better than telling them it's odd to me.

I hope you can find somewhere new to live soon. Grin

OP posts:
subspace · 02/01/2019 18:54

Make a sport out of sweeving. You know like a boxer, feint to the left dodge right. Greet then with an outstretched hand for a handshake or a sharp knife at groin height or grab their chin in the most blatant way possible and turn their head to give them a cheek kiss. Or as they're common in shove a hand over you're mouth and present a cheek with a MN tinkly laugh and "oh, we're posh snobs here now you see, full frontal is soo 2018, just cheek kisses if you please!"

Honestly, i'd go full blatant.

subspace · 02/01/2019 18:55

*swerving, not a new sport called sweeving Hmm

Bringbackthestrioes · 02/01/2019 18:56

If you feel awkward about telling them cheek only just tell them you feel the tingle of a cold sore coming- that should stop them wanting to bump lips with you Grin

Original poster
SheNumpty · 02/01/2019 18:56

@Polskieexpat Sorry, had to laugh at that one too, what was said at the time? I've no idea what I'd do under those circumstances. I guess at least you both know neither did it deliberately.

OP posts:
SayNoToCarrots · 02/01/2019 18:57

UtterlyDesperate your update made me laugh more!

No one but my children and my husband kiss me on the lips. I'm trying to phase it out with the children because their lips are so wet.

Bringbackthestrioes · 02/01/2019 18:58

He's known these men since he was four, they're all like brothers,
Do they kiss each other on the lips?

Polskieexpat · 02/01/2019 18:58

@SheNumpty

She's Polish and doesn't speak a word of English so nothing and it's never ever been mentioned since thank goodness!!

DadJoke · 02/01/2019 18:58

Go straight in with the tongue. I think that would deal with the issue.

apintofharpandapacketofdates · 02/01/2019 19:01

Dunno .... I think he got a kick out of it. I still don't understand him.