To think it's rude not to ask a child about their Christmas

[hippoherostandinghere]

I'm not sure if I'm just being a moaning Minnie or if my family are just downright rude.
Seen my brother and his wife yesterday at my mum's house for the first time since Christmas. It also happened to be my nieces birthday so took round a present for her. My niece made a few rude comments about her present which is annoying enough on its own but what's really annoying me is that in the hour that we were there neither my DB or DSIL asked my DC if they had a nice Christmas, if Santa came, what they got etc. Not once, no comments at all.
I was chatting away with my niece and her sisters about what they got and how their Christmas went. One of them didn't answer me but I asked her again until she did.

Honestly, I've been brewing on it all day and it's annoying me more and more. I'm realising now that it happens all the time. For example DD is big into a particular sport and she had her 1st big competition recently. I heard nothing from them after to say well done or ask her how she got on. I feel like she could win a noble prize and they still wouldn't mention it!

It's a bit odd not to ask how someone's Christmas is, but I wouldn't have said it's rude per we.
It depends on the conversation. If you're past the 'how are things?' part of chatting then I wouldn't have thought twice about it.

Weird but not rude.

We had friends with children over to our house and I never asked them about Christmas. They never asked my DC either. The conversation flowed just not in a Christmassy direction.

the niece sounds a dream, the parents ? no manners either if they have ,they haven't passed them on to the kid.

One of them didn't answer me but I asked her again until she did.

What do you mean by 'until she did'? Did you just keep asking her over and over? If so, why?

Sounds like there is underlying tension. If your DB and DSIL don’t generally make effort with your DD then I’d understand you being a bit sensitive. Did they talk to your DD about other stuff? I wouldn’t be upset by someone not asking specifically about Christmas but I’d be upset if they didn’t talk to her at all.

I asked her did Santa come and did she get anything nice and she didn't answer so I said her name and asked again then she gave me a one word answer so I left it.

Maybe they all just hate me 🤷‍♀️

Not asking about Christmas specifically wouldn't annoy me, plenty of people get tired of all the small talk surrounding Christmas. But if they never speak to your DD about her life/school/activities then that's pretty rude.

Some people just hate small talk - and perhaps especially small talk with children. You obviously don't mind but you can't expect others to share the same standards and behaviours as you; that is the road to misery.

To me it’s sounds like they were just focusing on the nieces birthday and trying to not lump it in with Christmas.

Niece’s! Ugh

I'm not sure I get the set up. Were you all in the same room all of the time you were there, so that you could know who asked who what? What age are the children? Did they not run off to play with their cousins?

I just can't imagine going with my dc to my sisters, and hearing everything anyone says to anyone else.

Back to the question, not particularly rude as a stand alone thing. I don't think k I would notice.

I'm happy to stand corrected but I just think it's a little odd not to even enquire what Santa brought. It's a big thing in a kids life. I think just along with all the other things it just seems like they don't really care much, which is a shame because other than their grandparents no one else really does either.

Open plan living, dining space. We were all in together most of the time. My DD went off to play with her cousins, DS was sat on sofa or beside me most of the time.

OP, you are over focusing. No topic is obligatory.

You are annoyed for another reason and transferring it to this.

I'm happy to stand corrected but I just think it's a little odd not to even enquire what Santa brought. It's a big thing in a kids life.

We don’t do santa, so if you asked my 8 year old what santa brought she would look at you pretty blankly.

I also wouldn’t ask any child about Santa myself.

But they are their aunty and uncle. Of course they know if we do Santa or not, they haven't just met them. The man in the Chinese last night who'd never met my DS in his life showed more bloody interest in his Christmas.

I don’t know, I think it’s an understandable topic for small talk but hardly obligatory. I certainly can’t jmafine being upset if someone didn’t ask.

And reading between the lines maybe they had a tricky one for some reason which is why your niece didn’t want to talk about it?

Also if you don’t know a child it is a question you need to be careful with. My little boy has had an unbearably tough Christmas due to problems with his dad; no gifts could make up for this. So, just as with adults, we shouldn’t assume it is “safe” question unless we know them well. (I spent many years dreading Christmas as my dear friend died in the Boxing Day Tsunami).

Christmas was a week ago, it's your nieces actual birthday. Let her have her day.

We went to a party last night and got stuck (for want of a better phrase) with friends who'd just come back from a trip to Finland / Lapland, it was new years eve, i don't want to guess how much every.meal.drink.snack cost for the whole week. It was a week ago, and is not interesting full stop.

Demanding people only talk about what you talk about seems odd, particularly if nobody else cares about the topic.

But they are their aunty and uncle. Of course they know if we do Santa or not, they haven't just met them. The man in the Chinese last night who'd never met my DS in his life showed more bloody interest in his Christmas.

I dunno. DD has 3 sets of aunties and uncles that dint send her anything for birthdays or Xmas, so if they started asking about her Xmas I’d assume hell had frozen over.

I agree, very rude. DD has uncles on either side of the family who barely acknowledge her when she’s in the room. We just make a joke of it and remind her she has other relatives who love her dearly.

If the DC had wanted to talk about what Santa brought, I'm sure they would have brought it up themselves.

You were only there for an hour. Really? Couldn’t you just focus on your niece’s birthday?

I asked her did Santa come and did she get anything nice and she didn't answer so I said her name and asked again then she gave me a one word answer so I left it

That might be your answer! Talking to some kids is like pulling teeth! I tried having a chat to several kids in the family the last few days and they either don’t answer, or give a mumbled half answer which doesn’t actually tell you the thing you asked! It’s easier just to smile and say hi and then let them lead the conversation if they actually want to talk to the boring adults!

Some families are like that . My parents always forget my children’s birthdays .

I’ve stopped being annoyed and just make every effort to make it more special in other ways

I just accept that my family are seriously distracted ...

Ok so fair enough maybe I'm just focusing on the Christmas bit and it's really a whole combination of things. Do people these days really not ask their nieces/nephew things on enquire into their lives?