Are these red flags?

[trudeie]

Have 1 DC with DP. Unmarried. He's got jealousy issues, he admits that. It gets a bit draining though. A few incidents keep coming back to me and I feel like I wanted other opinions to see if they're worse than I make out.

1. A couple of months ago we were on a busy main road walking with DC in his pushchair. He was slipping down and needed propped up so without thinking, I bent down and lifted him up. DP made a tutting noise and when I was like 'what? I was just propping him up' said 'sure you were'. He was annoyed because in his words a few hours later, he thought I was making an excuse to bend down on a busy road because I wanted people looking at me?

1. Very occasionally he's got in a crap mood when we are out in public because I've been looking one way and he's thought I've been staring at other males. Sometimes I find myself recently been conscious of where I'm looking out in public incase he gets the wrong idea.

1. He will get in a bit of a huff if I wear a baggy top that you can see down if I lean over (in Summer) or if I don't wear a bra or wear a very thin one when going on a trip out (to the shop etc).

1. He says he'd leave me if I wore anything revealing on a night out (which I don't as I'm quite insecure with my body). When I point out that girls are able to wear stuff on a night out however revealing to feel happy about themselves, he insists that girls only wear anything like that to get people looking at them and for male attention really.

I stick up for myself if he ever makes a comment and he does apologise but it doesn't seem to change his mindset. He makes comments about how women were classier in the 20's, 30's etc and how this generation is gross compared to then and stuff. He's 22.

Huge red flags imo. He sounds sexist and immature.

You don't need anyone else to point out how demented that list of incidents are. I will also bet it's only the iceberg.
You bent down to adjust your child and he saw it as attention seeking.
Red Banners. With bunting. In the middle of Red Square in a red letter day.
Out and don't even consider hello g us he is a great dad. Or really nice when he isn't in a bad mood that you caused.
Please.
Start packing

I think you know the answer.

Those flags are SO red and SO big.

He doesn't have jealousy issues, he has control issues. He's a cunt.

He is insecure and needs to grow up.
Big red flags for me. Anybody who won't love and accept you as you are....walk away..it will only get worse.

He's 22?
Fucking throw him back to the 20s then if he rates it that much.
I think he is actually not that balanced and it is going to go downhill.
What if DC starts to take too much of your time?
Will that upset him?

What they said ^

Also, he’s probably projecting. Accusing you of trying to get male attention means he is the one ogling women when you’re not looking.

LTB pronto.

🚩🚩🚩 He's a twat.

Yes. I'm not sure how many flags constitute bunting but you're well on your way.

Oh dear. This will just get worse and worse. Massive red flags.

I agree with both Loki and Lola - these behaviours also tend to escalate so yes - definitely look to leave. If you are unsure you can also ring refuge or women’s aid helplines.
tel:08082000247 Is refuge DV 24 hour helpline.

He’s basically trying to control you and change your behaviour, all the while making out it’s all your fault.

Get out get out get out.

Those aren’t flags, they’re giant waving banners!!

Just read the last bit. He’s 22???? Wow. I dread to think what his dad is like if he’s talking like this at 22.

He won’t change.

Oh, op. As a woman who is considerably older and more experienced, I beg of you to leave this awful, controlling twat of a "man." His abuse is only going to get worse. He is slowly beating you down in order to destroy your self-worth and self-esteem. This is what abusers do. He is doing everything possible to isolate you and make you completely dependant on him. I guarantee that he will soon start isolating you from friends and family. Please get away from him.

Absolutely bunting as @DisplayPurposesOnly so beautifully put it.

Who on earth does he think died and made him King of What Women Get To Wear?

🚩 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

He sounds very insecure. Awful behaviour but I think it’s coming from not feeling good enough. Maybe he could work on that. He must feel awful all the time.

If - when - you split up with him I think you're going to have to be very careful.

There are early signs of coercive control.

You could try pointing it out to him to see if he understands how serious this could get. The fact he apologises to you makes me think he could perhaps adjust this thinking. But I actually doubt it.

women in the 20s has no freedom and his views are mysoginistic

This is awful. I was at number one.

He sounds like a complete misogynist.

He is an abusive arse! massive red flags, get rid asap, he sounds like a complete idiot

@TeddybearBaby it definitely comes from insecurity. Our relationship is otherwise good and our family unit is good apart from these misogynistic comments and I like to believe I know him more than I know anyone.
I'm quite insecure myself sometimes so understand where he's coming from, except I make a solid effort not to take my insecurities out on him in which he seems to make no effort at all. He just sounds so sexist and derogatory when these comments/looks come out with girls and every time we have a debate about the comments he makes, nothing ever changes and it makes me less attracted to him!!
Just from watching TV series or mutual friends situations, he's the guy that justifies a mans cheating/affairs on 'yeah, but she did this...' but if a woman has an affair/cheats, there's no hold back on 'she's a slag, she deserves everything she gets, who would even go near her...' etc etc.

More red flags than a Labour Party conference. I was with someone like this when I was 18 - 23. In time he wore away my self esteem and confidence to make any decisions for myself. I found myself out for the day without him and terrified to order what I really wanted to eat as it was on his banned list (he was very controlling about food). I genuinely thought he'd find out and go mad. Looking back that's seriously abnormal but at the time it was part of life. It starts as you describe and gets worse. I left my ex when he eventually became violent after he couldn't ramp up the other forms of control as effectively. It's not my place to tell anyone what to do but I'd advise you to seriously look at this situation now while your perspective is still fairly ok (judging by OP). It's very unlikely to get better and the rest of your life is a long time to spend frightened of your own shadow.

Look at the book living with the dominator by pat craven. Part of the freedom programme.

HUGE RED FLAGS.

Apologies mean nothing unless they are backed up with action.

Take your time to organise yourself, financially, make plans, be confident in being alone.

These aren't jealousy issues, they are control issues.

He sounds like a fucking dick... have my first ever LTB

He will bring you down slowly until you have lost yourself.

Leave him.

If you have a daughter she will see how her dad treats women and if you have a son he will think that how his dad thinks and behave is the norm.