Was this completely derogatory?

[gertrud]

For those who don't like tattoos, I don't need told, DP and I hardly have any between us but both of us personally like them

He keeps saying about how - at some point in the future - he wants a neck tattoo. Now I'm all for tattoos and I'm all for not telling him what to do but I feel like this is a bit far to have tattoos on your neck. They'd be so visible in professional manners etc.

I've always wanted a small one on my sternum. Something small and feminine just because I think it's a nice area and I'd like to look at it.

When I made a comment about how I wouldn't appreciate him getting tattoos on his neck, he made a comment about how he wouldn't like me getting one on my sternum but he doesn't comment. When I questioned why as I couldn't think of any valid reasons for that as opposed to have them all on your neck, he said, 'because it'd make you look like a slag'

He wouldn't apologise. He's always had a problem when I've said I'd want a tattoo there (like getting a tattoo means I'd be getting it out all the time?) The comment stuck with me but he's sticking by it.

AIBU? It wasn't even in a jokey way (which I don't think would be acceptable either), more in a way of looking at me in disgust.

This is not my own personal opinion, but isn't that what some call a 'tramp stamp'? Maybe that's why he has that opinion?

I would ask him what his definition of a slag is.

@Fantababy always thought tramp stamp was centre lower back! 

@JennyHolzersGhost probably a good idea to, I don't think it's a word that should be used and it's not the first time he's thrown it around.

By sternum do you mean quite low down and centred between the boobs?
If so it’s hardly going to be on display much, if at all, is it? Unlike a neck tattoo....

You asked him why and he gave you his reason. It doesn't mean his reason is right or wrong, it's just his opinion.
If you didn't like his answer then you shouldn't have asked the question.

@Fantababy always thought tramp stamp was centre lower back!

Ha - so it is. Ignore me.

@Tartyflette exactly where I mean. And never on display (unless a bikini, and we are rarely on holiday). I'm not one for showing any skin at all really.

If you want a tattoo on your sternum have one. If he wants a tatoo on his neck that's up to him.

Personally I hate tattoos but I wouldn't argue with someone who wants to deface their own body. Its none of my business and life's too short 🤷‍♀️

I don’t think it’s derogatory, I think it’s an unpleasant opinion.

I could never be with a man who used that word, I’m afraid. I would listen to your reservations.

It's no more derogatory than you telling him you don't like neck tattoos and your respective reasons why.

I have a tattoo from years ago and hate it. Thankfully I can't see it but it makes me shudder when I think of it. Having one between your boobs is pretty tacky (as is one on the neck).

I assume he was trying to get back at you for saying that you didn’t like neck tattoos. What a child.

BTW why do you need a tattoo on your sternum in order to look at your ‘nice area’?

@Nettletheelf a nice area to have a small tattoo, not just a nice area in general. Sounds a bit weird! 😂

I think he might be trying to say that that is a very sexual location, rather than the neck which is quite public. Which is obviously the same issue but opposite way round!

It is in no way ‘equivalent’ to the OP saying she thinks a tattoo on her DP’s neck will be very visible. In fact, there’s no male equivalent to ‘slag’. Think about why that might be.

Will having a neck tattoo impact his career at all? In a previous role of mine we couldn't have any visible tattoos.
I'm assuming you live together and are your own little family unit. If so, he can't do something that would jeopardize your financial stability without speaking with you first.
Your sternum tattoo (really hurts by the way!) will have no impact on your financial situation (I'm assuming!!) So his view on this is largely irrelevant. If he thinks you having this will make you sexually promiscuous, then he needs his head checking.

@Biancadelriosback he's currently studying to go into a new career but the new career he's going into will most likely be office based so would have a high possibility of having an impact at interviews etc before he even got a job.

I've heard a sternum tattoo hurts, I rely on numbing cream so hoping it'd work there

I think he's under the impression that the only reason I'd want one there is to show it off to anyone/everyone who'd see it and start wearing clothes to show it off because why would I get a tattoo that no one can see? Stupid mindset to me.

It's a very sexual location for a tattoo...and generally seen on tattooed female models with few clothes on!
Having said that, I wouldn't be a fan of my partner having a neck tattoo either.
I'm not anti-tattoo...my DP has 7 tattoos! There's just certain locations with connotations.

To be fair, sternum tatoos do seem to be the new "tramp stamp"

The way he said it wasnt nice but its his opinion...

Its not like he can stop you or you can stop him.

@Moonstoned, 'shagnasty' was the preferred equivalent round here (UK) back in the 80s - although both terms would occasionally be used for either sex.

I move in more polite circles these days but it's on the internet so guess it's still current. Agree that it's less heard because men are judged by different standards.

I like tattoos and think some folks can carry them off. I don't think either the sternum or neck is a good place to have one, and yes it can look tacky and a bit low life.

His opinion is his opinion, you not liking his opinion doesn't mean he has to change it.

3 things spring to mind.
1 he is saying it out of spite
2 he is an arse who actually believes it
3 He has been with someone in the past with a similar tattoo in place and thinks the worst of them/treated them badly over his beliefs

He means it would make you look like a chav rather than a slag as such, OP. If you don't have many then one on your sternum can look quite off an out of place. Equally if he doesnt have loads of well done ones then his neck will make him look like a drug dealer from Bow who has 3 dogs and 12 children.

My husband has his neck done. But he also covered from the top of his neck down to his ankles with full pieces so it works.

Also numbing cream doesnt work at all for tattoos so you can't have had many big pieces done. Lidocaine is shit.

@Thewifipasswordis I only like small pieces and numbing cream worked magically on the one I had done yesterday as opposed to the previous one that I had done without.