Was this completely derogatory?

[gertrud]

For those who don't like tattoos, I don't need told, DP and I hardly have any between us but both of us personally like them

He keeps saying about how - at some point in the future - he wants a neck tattoo. Now I'm all for tattoos and I'm all for not telling him what to do but I feel like this is a bit far to have tattoos on your neck. They'd be so visible in professional manners etc.

I've always wanted a small one on my sternum. Something small and feminine just because I think it's a nice area and I'd like to look at it.

When I made a comment about how I wouldn't appreciate him getting tattoos on his neck, he made a comment about how he wouldn't like me getting one on my sternum but he doesn't comment. When I questioned why as I couldn't think of any valid reasons for that as opposed to have them all on your neck, he said, 'because it'd make you look like a slag'

He wouldn't apologise. He's always had a problem when I've said I'd want a tattoo there (like getting a tattoo means I'd be getting it out all the time?) The comment stuck with me but he's sticking by it.

AIBU? It wasn't even in a jokey way (which I don't think would be acceptable either), more in a way of looking at me in disgust.

I'm not keen on either (I have tattoos) do you have a design in mind?

I think they will date very quickly

I have a lot of tattoos. None of them painful. Except for my sternum/ribs. Being tattooed there is not for the faint hearted.

@WhatsUpHun something simple like a unalome. That does have personal meaning to me but not sure of it, but it's an example of the type of thing I'd like in that placement.
I appreciate that it's not everyone's personal preference of area (clearly not DP's) and it might be perceived as chavvy/tacky to some people, same as neck tattoos, but my big point was that no one would really be seeing mine to make these judgements whereas everyone would be seeing his! (Except the biggest point was I don't think the word slag should be used in any context!)

Slag is a horrible word. Ask him what he means by it, and point out that it's particularly unacceptable to use it referring to you.

Have a calm, over several days talk about the tattoos. If he sees you want something small, which other people won't see he may well relax about it. A have a friend with a topless tinkerbell there, which he may be less reassured by...!

He needs to know that you think he'll look great, but you want to be sure it is hidden by a collar so it doesn't negatively impact him in interviews.

I agree with your husband. It is a horrible place to have a tattoo and is the new tramp stamp

Well, yes, obviously calling a woman a slag is derogatory. I agree with asking him what he means by it and why he thinks it's ok to use to describe women, and particularly you.

Your comments about a neck tattoo were entirely reasonable and based on practical issues with a tattoo in that particular locations. He is fine to have an opinion and to say he doesn't think a tattoo on your sternum would be attractive, but to go that step further and use a misogynistic slur is not on.

Op I imagine it was more the heavyhandiness of the artist than the cream. I have full thigh, calve and forearm pieces and the only one that 'hurt' hurt was my thigh because the tattooist was a heavyhanded arsehole. The others just burned. Numbing cream is bollocks. Any decent tattoist wouldnt even let you use it or recommend it because of infection risk anyway.

I don’t like either place for tattoos. And he WILL be judged for a neck one which could affect his career prospects.

How on Earth can a tattoo- in any location- make a woman look like a slag? What does a slag look like, anyway?

Google Jemma Lucy ..

Using the word "slag" wasn't very nice, however, I can understand his frustration. He obviously wants to get a neck tattoo, his body his choice. Same goes for you,. If you want to get a tattoo on your sternum, go right ahead. Your body your choice. Please keep in mud though, that neither of you like each others opinions on where each tattoo should go.

" [a tattoo on] his neck will make him look like a drug dealer from Bow who has 3 dogs and 12 children."
Isn't this the male equivalent of being a slag?

He's ok with using misogynistic words. Question is how big a deal is it for you?

I personally think tattoos are so dated now, lets be honest, they never usually look very classy.

His language is horrible. I wouldn’t be happy. I do agree that sternum tattoos are horrid and the new tramp stamp. I much prefer them on the small of the back.

If you want to please eachother he won’t get a neck tattoo and you won’t get him one just beside your boobs. There was a post on here recently of an op, whose partner had just paid for a skull tattoo on his head and they were turned off sexually. It’s a risk this will happen with your dp. So I’d think carefully what is more important and whether you will like it when you are 80!

yeah it was pretty rude to say that. maybe he doesn't like the idea of a guy having his hands there to put the tattoo on.

What does he think he'll look like with a tattooed neck?

I think if he's trying to break into a new career he'd be a fool to have a neck tattoo - many older generation types are still coming round to the fact they're not just navie type stamps and for the hooligans of the world!
Personally I don't like them but don't bother me if others have them. However neck and face tattoos aren't ideal - me may have to spend loads on that makeup which covers them!

Perhaps have a conversation about you both holding off on the types of tattoo you describe?

It’s his opinion, you won’t change it.

All tattoos are tramp stamps, IMHO.

It's not his dislike of the tattoo placement that's the issue here, it's his use of misogynistic language to describe it.

According to my tattoo artist. The sternum is the new tramp stamp..

Wandering 😂 I'm loathe to say so but I do judge people covered in tattoos!

Ergh I hate the word slag! So annoying that men use this term to define such a large group of women! Plus what even is a slag?! Surely it’s just a woman who is making her own choices!
I’d ask him not to use those kind of words to describe anything to do with you as it’s not very pleasant!
The more we fight against these derogatory words hopefully the less normal they’ll become!
I think get a tattoo whenever the heck you want!! Xxx

A slag isn't 'a woman who is making her own choices'. It's a woman who isn't choosy and will sleep with anyone who'll have her. Hopefully it's not 'such a large group of women'. It's a derogatory term used about some women. I don't see that it's misogynistic unless it's applied in a general way to all women.

I guess the male equivalent would be 'creep' or 'perv'? There are lots of derogatory phrases to describe men who behave in the same way.

Sure, do what you want, behave how you want - if you don't care what other people think of you and your 'choices'.

"A slag isn't 'a woman who is making her own choices'. It's a woman who isn't choosy and will sleep with anyone who'll have her. "

Is it? Or is it a woman who sleeps with too many men in the opinion of person using the insult? The male equivalent of someone who has a lot of casual sex isn't creep or perv, it's something like a player or stud. Not the same at all, and nowhere near the level of negativity and judgement attached.