to get a bit tetchy when people ask when we'll try for our 2nd?

[MaeBug]

Our DD is 9 months old and already LOTS of people (friends, relatives, colleagues, the bloody neighbours!!) have taken it upon themselves to enquire when we'll be 'giving DD a little brother or sister'.
It's pissing me off and i feel like telling them bluntly that the contents of my uterus is non of their business, but i just shrug and mumble 'oooo, not sure' 'haha, one day' instead.
We're not even sure if we will have any more biological children, but have discussed the possibility of adopting or fostering in the future.
I don't know if i'm being over sensitive as i miscarried an unplanned 2nd baby 2 months ago, which was sad, but not as heart breaking as it could have been as DD is such a joy bringer and 2nd baby was a complete shock and totally, totally unplanned (I didn't know i was pregnant until i started to miscarry).
Is it U for these people to be asking? Or am i being overly sensitive?

It's so rude! I used to tell people that we don't know when it'll happen but we're enjoying practising - they usually looked rather embarrassed and backed off.

Honestly you should be just as rude back and tell them it's none of their business.

"We're not. Thanks for asking".

It is U of them, but you will get it until baby 2 appears.
Then you will get the "Are you disappointed it's a boy/another girl?" nobbiness.
PP's suggestion is good.

I find it difficult when people ask as it’s not a straight forward answer for us and holds a lot of complex emotions so I either have to be very vague or get into quite an intense conversation involving chatting about my medical history which I don’t want to with the vast majority of people

I think i'll start @peachy and use that line for sure @nutty

It' almost as if once you're pregnant the whole world thinks they have rights on info about your insides Maybe use the PP's line too @user!!
I didn't even think of that @mike, gawd, people are dicks!!

Someone asked this when dd was 6 weeks old.

When people used to ask me that I would reply by stating I'm not even sure if I could. That normally shut them up.

I used to laugh in their faces, "ds was 10lbs 11ozs, no thanks!". I imagine for most people it's just small talk, they don't actually care one way or another - so a breezy "not for ages if at all thanks" could see them off, or just change the subject?

It's incredibly rude. Also when you ARE pregnant and people have the nerve to ask 'was it planned?'

There are so many complexities, I can't believe some people.

I don't think it's rude. It's a mixture of making conversation, along with people feeling interested in your life and people thinking more than one child is a wonderful experience they can't help recommending to you.
This is just a different viewpoint but I'm 43 with one toddler and noone EVER asks me if I'm planning another. This makes me as sad as the questions you get asked make you. The unspoken implication is that I probably can't have any more so for God's sake don't mention it. I think you'd find in general also that when people know someone had their child through difficult IVF etc they don't ask the question either. I love the very very rare times I'm asked because it shows that someone has faith in my fertility and ability to make choices. I suppose try to see it that way. You can always reply honestly about your thoughts on #2. No harm done really.

It's bloody rude! Once saw advice on here to reply with "oh not sure, we are enjoying experimenting with anal far too much for now!" Which made me lol

I don’t think you are being unreasonable at all. I had a miscarriage in June and I HATE being asked when we will have another. One thing I have learned since becoming pregnant/a mum, is that most people’s journey to parenthood is fraught and you just never know what a couple has been through.
Most recent one for me was a neighbour (who admittedly did not know that I have miscarried) said when discussing how much her two children squabbled ‘don’t go having anymore’... 😰 If only you knew love...

Aargh I get this too! And people saying to my seven month old “you’d like a little brother wouldn’t you?” and telling me that they think we should have another one.

Lovely, we’ll base important long-term family decisions on the idle whim of an acquaintance, shall we?

I'm currently pregnant with my first and I can't believe how many people have asked if he was planned and if we are happy about it!! I mean, what would they say if I replied no and no?! And the PP who said that a lot of couples journey to parenthood is difficult is not wrong. We wouldn't be having him if it wasn't for doctors intervention. I think purple who haven't been through it themselves just don't have a clue!

*people!!

Stupid autocorrect

My dh does this all the time to people. I have told him on more those occasion that he shouldn’t because it is a) none of his business and b) he can have no idea of what emotions a question like that could bring up.

But he did it again on Saturday. I think it’s his way of making conversation. It makes me cringe. He can be really inappropriate in other situations too.

It’s unreasonable! But people could just be stuck for something to say. (Honestly these phrases are in built into people!)

If you’re up for a bit of acting, then you could stare at them in shock, then laugh and say “for a moment there I thought you were asking me if I was having unprotected sex! That’s a bit forward Trevor”

Or grin and say “ooh, are talking about our sex lives, you first Vera!”

Or whip phone out and say “good point, I’ll text DH to get condoms”

I hate when people ask this! It's none of their business. My daughters 3 now and I'm pregnant, due in June but have had 2 previous miscarriages. I had somebody tell me when my daughter was 2 that I shouldn't leave it too long to have another one as a small age gap is lovely. Unknown to them I had just had a miscarriage a month earlier. You don't ever fully know what someone's gone/going through so people should keep their traps shut

I just say "I can't have children". It's true and it embarrasses them which is the aim as they shouldn't be asking cunty questions in the first place.

I hate this. I used to say I wasn't having another after a difficult pregnancy and labour but then I got lots of "you can't let that stop you" and "it wouldn't be like that again", well, yes I bloody can and it could could well be as I'd be at increased risk of complications, before even taking into account my age. People should mind their own business when it comes to family size.

It’s incredibly rude. People have no idea what’s going on in your relationship. A friend of mine had marriage problems after having their first child, she was so desperate to have another but her dh didn’t bond well with the first and was Saying no he couldn’t do it again but she was heartbroken. Every time someone asked her when number 2 was coming along it would cause so much upset.
I also hate people asking if the baby was planned, I’m pregnant with an unplanned baby due any day now and I love this child already more than anything just because I didn’t plan it doesn’t mean he/she is not very much wanted and loved!

I hate this too. So so rude and upsetting. I never know what to say... "oh yeah the 9 months we've been trying for it still hasn't happened" seems blunt but might shut people up. I tend to go with a vague "if it happens it happens".

I had this lots when dc1 was approaching 2 years old (9 months is so young op! Sorry it's started already!).

Sometimes I'd say "yeah, it's weird, sitting in ICU holding my Mum's hand all day whilst she's on life support/in a coma doesn't really give me the horn, you know?" They knew about my Mum being in hospital fighting for her life for weeks/months but would still ask!