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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I’ve done something incredibly stupid

101 replies

Massivemistake19 · 01/01/2019 15:50

I have name changed for this- partly because I am so ashamed.
In a moment of absolute madness at the age of 45, I tried a line of coke at a New Years party. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking as I have never done anything like it in my life before.
Now I feel devastated and so ashamed of myself - I have 2 kids and the thought that i could be so selfish has made me cry all day.

Aibu to ask for help and advise moving on from this- I feel so remorseful today and am also worried that I might have damaged my health.
I truly feel devastated by my idiocy

OP posts:
How2Support · 01/01/2019 16:22

I completely agree that you can stop being so hard on yourself. You will be experiencing a huge dose of the fear and a massive shame hangover. It would be great if you could talk this through with a trusted friend.
However, can we stop making out no-one is harmed by our consumption of cocaine. It is, as a PP has said, a brutal trade:

Whyyounoeatmypie · 01/01/2019 16:24

Oh you poor bugger, coke comedown + anxiety = horror. Bed, Netflix, carbs. You'll probably feel shitty for a coupme of days (thanks, age) but honestly it's just the drugs verision of beer fear.

Calvinsmam · 01/01/2019 16:24

You’ve got a come down, you’ll feel like shit. Eat sugary food and chocolate, watch a nice film and be kind to yourself.

Blackladybug · 01/01/2019 16:25

Yup, the reason you're feeling so bad is because of the coke. The come down is awful and I too only took it one night (several times).

It does pass but it takes time. Sleep if you can and really don't beat yourself up about it.

pfwow · 01/01/2019 16:31

Yep, really stupid and immoral, but what are you going to do about it now? Who are you actually doing any good to by beating yourself up over it? If anything, you need to shake yourself out of your pity party, get over the hangover, and get on with stuff. You've obviously given yourself a stern talking to, so go and do something good with your kids or clear a cupboard out or whatever, and move on.

Original poster
Massivemistake19 · 01/01/2019 16:31

Thanks- am fighting the panic at the moment- am sure it will pass- I never want to feel this bad ever again Sad

OP posts:
WendyImhome · 01/01/2019 16:34

Please be kind to yourself. It's really not a big deal at all.

One line of coke hasn't hurt your kids. Just relax, be nice to yourself and forget about it. God knows I, and most people I know, have done worse things when drunk! This time next week you'll have forgotten all about it.

BlancheM · 01/01/2019 16:36

People get wasted on a regular basis and think nothing of it, to add some perspective.

You're obviously totally against drugs, and for good reasons, so what you can take from this is not to allow yourself to get into the state where you make decisions which are against your morals ever again. I've scared myself in the past but have learned from it Thanks

SpikyHedgehogg · 01/01/2019 16:37

I feel guilty about it because of my kids. I am quite a sensible person normally- I don’t drink loads really and am quite controlled. I feel like I lost control and feel awful today

I think we're just human, and humans sometimes make mistakes. To practice compassion towards others we must first be compassionate to ourselves. I think you need to look after yourself today in the same way as you would an anxious, regretful daughter.

bobstersmum · 01/01/2019 16:39

It's only an issue if you secretly loved it and want to do it again, my advice, is don't.

Thewifipasswordis · 01/01/2019 16:41

About 2% of it wouldve been coke if you're lucky OP 😂

Biscuitsneeded · 01/01/2019 16:41

Oh OP, don't be too hard on yourself. You've given yourself a scare and you now know you don't ever want to do that again - lesson learned. Maybe you are feeling a bit weighed down by life and this looked like an adventure. Maybe it's a wake-up call to find something that is fun and new and different but isn't coke, like a hobby? Or maybe you were just pissed and made a bad decision. If you want to purge your guilt maybe donate some ££ to an anti-drugs charity or do a sponsored event? But otherwise just lick your wounds and forgive yourself - we've all done stupid things.

LadyBathory · 01/01/2019 16:41

You probably feel a lot worse because you drank (depressant) and coke is a depressant. Go for Netflix and chill. One line isn’t much I doubt you’ve done any damage. Take it as a learning thing when your children are older and face similar issues involving drugs you can tell them your story and they will learn from it too.

We can’t get through this life without making mistakes but we can help our children make different choices.

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 01/01/2019 16:46

Try MDMA if you want to have a relatively safe and guilt free chemically induced good time in future

Please ignore this, OP.

Craftycorvid · 01/01/2019 16:48

I’d agree with an earlier poster who asked about your general stance on drugs and the ‘kind of people’ who use them. It sounds like you feel shocked at what you have done because it doesn’t fit with how you see yourself as a good person/parent. We are often particularly unconfortable with behaviours that don’t fit our picture of who we are. It might (and only might - if the anxious feelings don’t settle in a day or two) be helpful to talk to someone you trust about how you feel? It sounds like it was quite a party. Hope you’re looking after yourself and havibg a good NYD.

katekat383 · 01/01/2019 16:49

Don’t do drugs. The end.

Bluntness100 · 01/01/2019 16:53

Did you do anything when drunk/high that you regret? Are you worried about who saw you?

I'm honestly struggling to understand your extreme reaction of crying all day. Ok it's not great, but it's a line of coke. 🤷‍♀️

UterusUterusGhali · 01/01/2019 16:53

You have Beer Fear.
Hangovers are the worst at our age.

I bet if you walked up to a copper or social worker right now and told them what you did they'd tell you to calm down too. It's not the end of the world. Nobody was hurt. I assume the kids were elsewhere and it wasn't on the table while they ate their fish fingers.

Hope you feel better tomorrow.

quizqueen · 01/01/2019 16:53

Better not drink so much again if you can't control yourself not to do something stupid and this was stupid.

Echobelly · 01/01/2019 16:59

I've taken two lines of coke in my life, other drugs occasionally. Using something once won't do any harm, it doesn't make you a bad person, it won't get you into any trouble, there's nothing to castigate yourself for, you've done nothing to your kids, you're just feeling the bad comedown. I only ever did it towards the end of an evening and luckily was able to sleep the bad bits off, but I know they are horrible. I expect you will be fine tomorrow.

araiwa · 01/01/2019 17:03

What a massive overreaction Confused

BlackberryandNettle · 01/01/2019 17:03

Stupid to risk it but you know that. I suspect the crying all day is a come down. Try to forget it and make some new year's resolutions!

IJustLostTheGame · 01/01/2019 17:04

Have a nice bath OP. There's nothing worse than the body seizing paranoia shivers that is a coke come down.
Like you I've only done it once and felt the same afterwards. The down was definitely worse than the up I got.
Tell yourself it was a silly thing to do and lesson learned, one to chalk up and let go.
You will feel better soon.

Justaboy · 01/01/2019 17:09

You have learnt. Hopefully not to do it again!.

Take care of who you mix with as well. Thems naughty people;(

HermioneWeasley · 01/01/2019 17:12

Ironically it is the coke making you feel this bad.

Lesson learned - if you can’t control what you do when you drink, you need to drink less.