To think it's not possible to make friends as an adult

[Loulzze]

My new years resolution is to make new friends as I currently have none, nada. Its getting me down and lonely, and spiteful when OH goes out with his

I don't have kids so couldn't meet anyone through them, so my question is how? Everyone seems to have friends from years back and a group to socialise in but I just don't. I've never been good at slotting in and just can't seem to make friends with women. Where do I start?

If you like riding and are competent, why don't you see what riding charities are in your area? Something like Riding for the Disabled? Its a more interactive hobby where you will be working alongside other riding enthusiasts to help others, doing something you love and very rewarding to boot.

I would say running club too. They do seem to have a good social side and little subgroups form when people are training for a particular event like Tough Mudder or a local 10k for instance. My local club meet twice a week plus lots of them do parkrun as well so there's a lot of frequent interaction there.

discount those who have always lived in the same area as they do tend to have a gang of friends and family close by and instead look out for others who have moved to the area as they tend to have more space in their lives.

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are very suspicious of other Women who don't have childhood/old friends

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It is much easier if you already have something in common, like a hobby or sport.

I made new friends when I got a dog, dog walking people tend to be sociable (and so easy to chat about dogs. If someone has the same breed as you, that is very "bonding" too )

I know horse riding can be solitary but volunteering generally isn't.

Can you do a bit of research and see if you can combine the two?

If not horse riding, anything else you might be interested at volunteering for? You local museum perhaps or even a food bank?

are very suspicious of other Women who don't have childhood/old friends
This depends on where you live I think. I live in London and it’s very common for people not to have childhood friends and family nearby. It’s probably the same from any big city.

I have very few friends as does DH. I have made some through work although when you leave and move on you realise who was actually your friend and not just a colleague. I’ve made some through DS’s school although mainly because I organised a night out that bonded us over drunken behaviour.

A running club seems to form good friendship groups and I’m hoping to join in a few months. I’ve also thought of joining the WI but not sure if mid-thirties is a bit young.

DH is into board games so he goes along to board games nights solo but he hasn’t really made any new friends through that, just work and his old university friends.

Church is very sociable and welcoming. They usually have coffee and chat after the service, and run all kinds of activities like walking groups, folk nights, lunch clubs, drop in sessions etc.
Learning something new in a group is good too, eg a foreign language where you all have to practise conversation with each other, or bridge lessons, where you are paired up with a partner and move round all the different tables to play everyone else.
Check out your local area for resources- adult education, church halls that have a programme of activities, council or charity run volunteering hubs - there are thousands of options out there, OP!
You just need to believe that you will be welcomed, and have a little confidence to go and try it. You can ditch any that you find uncongenial, and you have nothing to lose by giving it a bash. Good luck!

I hate the absolute nonsense bollocks some people spout about men being so welcoming and lovely and uncomplicated as friends and women being highly complex, suspicious and clan like - if you have that attitude it probably shows and puts people off, especially if you head for the males immediately in any gathering and spurn the women, as most women who claim other women don't like them do. If you have an open mind and approach women before men and as enthusiastically as you would men in a mixed sex gathering you'll see a difference.

I think start anything new where everyone is new, and you'll have the opportunity to make friends. Courses of any kind from those leading to qualifications to things done as a hobby, as long as you do them in person not online.

Then you have to be open to saying yes to all invitations to go for a coffee/ for lunch/ to the cinema/ for a drink with the new acquaintances - say yes to everything for 6 months.

Children hinder this, so not having them will make it easier - I started a course 18 months ago and was invited for coffee, lunch, cinema etc so often at first, but I always say no because I have to pick my youngest up after the course and just don't feel I have time. Sometimes I kick myself as obviously having continuously said no the invitations have dried up, but really I don't have time atm. The people who took up the invitations have certainly made friends with one another.

I hate the absolute nonsense bollocks some people spout about men being so welcoming and lovely and uncomplicated as friends and women being highly complex, suspicious and clan like - if you have that attitude it probably shows and puts people off, especially if you head for the males immediately in any gathering and spurn the women, as most women who claim other women don't like them do. If you have an open mind and approach women before men and as enthusiastically as you would men in a mixed sex gathering you'll see a difference

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I don’t have many friends either as I don’t have kids and don’t live near where I grew up. Whereabouts are you? I’ll be one of your friends!

I’ve made the same resolution OP, so I understand what you mean.

I’m not lonely exactly because I’m married to a lovely man, and have lots of acquaintances/ colleagues and I’m quite chatty. But I realised a few days ago that I didn’t have a single outing in the last year with someone who isn’t family or a work colleague. I don’t have a single friend close female friend. I’m still in touch with some school friends and uni friends but only on social media.

I know it’s sill as I’m a lot better off in terms of company than many, but I feel really panicked at having realised I have NO friends.

I wish you luck OP, I’d love to hear how you get on xx

My DH and I have been talking about this recently. We live in Ireland but neither of us are Irish. We don’t work in traditionally expat industries so most people we met are locals who already have their established friend networks so they have no need (and probably time) for new friends. We don’t have kids so no opportunities there either. We do know some people from his country living here, but we only really hear from them when they need a favour (he’s a tradesman, I’ve got a legal/academic background, useful for forms and disputes).

We’ve decided this year to make a concerted effort to meet new people and make new friends. I’m naturally shy, but often have to take the lead as my DH’s confidence sometimes falters in his English (when it’s actually excellent), so I’m feeling a bit intimidated about our NY resolution

of course it is.

Do people ever arrange local meetups through Mumsnet for posters who are looking to make new friends?

You can make friends as an adult, it isn't always easy but it can be done.

Someone told me about Meetup.com in my early 40's and I joined up. Looked at the various activities on offer, joined various groups related to what activates I like to do and went on some meetups. It was a revelation for me personally. I have made some good friends and good acquaintances. Even if I don't see some people again, meeting others from different walks of life can be really interesting.

People always suggest walking groups as being good places to make friends etc. I've done quite a lot of walking in groups and by myself. What I would say is that a lot of walking groups tend to be frequented by mainly elderly people, 60/70s and 80s. Its rare that there are people in their 30/or 40s walking with them. Consequently people have been talking about things like health problems, retirements, Grandkids etc. Fair enough if you like listening to this, I'm not interested in all that.

So I would say to anyone thinking of joining a walking groups find out the age range first.

You could get a dog and meet people when you walk it. I tend not to talk to people, as my dog isn't sociable but for others it becomes a social thing.

Only one of my friends actually has children. I have one. The others are childless and late 40's early 50's. It's a real mixed group of people!

I can't join in everything but they understand and I make an effort on my child free weekends to go out and have them over.

I’ve made friends in adulthood through work, through a hobby and through volunteering

I moved to a new city after uni so only knew one other person who moved away after a couple of years, so didn’t have old school/uni friends to fall back on.

My best friend I met through work but unlike most work friends we socialise outside of work and have remained close despite no longer working together.

Lemurville I'm in the North East, where are you?

LizzieVereker I'm very much in the same boat, I love my OHs company but have come to realise I need other people to socialise with more than u thought too. Thankyou hopefully we'll both have some success! Xx

NotTheQueen it's daunting isn't it but baby steps, I think we'll end up outside our comfort zones but for the better.

I have previoisly looked into volunteering with a local riding school that works with disabled children but unfortunately the time commitment was too much at the time.

Following your suggestions I'm going to join meetup and look for one group to try first in the area. I'll have a look about and see what there is to try!

I agree it's hard when you are an adult, although I struggled as a child as well. I have a few friends but not people I see or chat too often.
When I was younger I was busy and didn't have much time. I made friends at work and a couple of those friendships lasted.
When DC were little I tried really hard for their benefit and made a few "mum" friends. None of those lasted.
DC are grown up and I am retired so have too much time on my hands. I've tried really hard again in the last couple of years.
MeetUp - works best if you are in a city. Where I live the groups are thin on the ground.
Book groups are nice but I've never managed to find anyone to socialise outside the monthly meeting.
Pilates - it's taken a year but I now know a few people to chat to though it doesn't extend outside of the classes.

I actually think it's harder for young people who have grown up living their lives on social media. I watch my 20+ DCs chat constantly to friends online but it seldom translates into real life meet ups.

I'm in my mid 20s, maybe it's a bit of an awkward age but I'm feeling renergised by this thread and probably the new year so I'm going to step outside my comfort zone and really make an effort.

I'd love a dog but it's not possible atm, we're waiting until we move and I change job

Skeleton is right.

@loulzze
I'll be 23 this year and I think it so hard to make new friends because I feel everyone around me is very clicky and judgy. I think once a young group of girls are friends then no-one else can come in to that group. Like a group of girls hurdle into a circle and create an iron-body armour to protect their squad ha!