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Original poster

Secret £16k debt?

78 replies

Whoishe · 31/12/2018 14:14

Posting here for traffic and I’ve nc’d as dh knows I use this site.

Basically, I have recently discovered a secret debt of my dh’s which amounts to around £16k. He says that he just went out for a lot of meals/drinks/had takeaways over the course of a year. He literally has nothing to show for his debts.
Are there any legitimate reasons for this kind of debt? My head is screaming gambling/drugs!

OP posts:
myhamsteratefreddiestarr · 31/12/2018 14:17

I know people who have built up this kind of debt just on living beyond their means, buying fancy clothes, food, meals out, cinema etc.

It is possible.

JohnnyKarate · 31/12/2018 14:17

That’s a lot of food and drink. I think you’re right to think there is more to this than he claims.

Loughers · 31/12/2018 14:18

£16k!!

No legitimate reasons - it's probably a gambling problem.

More to the point I'd be making it clear that he will be clearing it separate from any other family committments

TyrionsNextWife · 31/12/2018 14:18

Was it all accumulated in the same year as the eating out etc? If so, I would be very dubious - that’s a lot of takeaways! Will he show the credit card or bank statements?

NameChangeNugget · 31/12/2018 14:19

I would have to end things. Financial cheating is up there with affairs in a lot of people’s eyes.

His lack of respect towards you is appalling

BigSandyBalls2015 · 31/12/2018 14:20

Very easy to run that up with over spending on general stuff.

Biggreygoose · 31/12/2018 14:20

In a year? That's 300 a week. If it was meals and takeaways he would be the size of a house.

I would suggest gambling as a 300 a week drug habit would also be difficult to hide.

nonevernotever · 31/12/2018 14:21

I did. I am deeply ashamed to say that I managed to get to around £17k in debt without telling DHand just living above my income. It took longerthan a year to build up though and I just kept my head in the sand. We nearly split up over it, but DH gave me a second chance and helped me work out how to budget and to pay off all the debt. It took us three years but the only debt we have now is the mortgage and it is such a relief. Flowers for you

EcoCalc · 31/12/2018 14:21

My H had an inheritance of around £20k a few years ago, he has nothing to show for it and literally just ate out and went to gigs or shows and stuff. He spent it on living, very easily, so may not be something sinister, but hopefully you can speak to each other about it

Allthewaves · 31/12/2018 14:22

So a £300 overspend roughly. If he's out drinking one night a week that could easily come in around £100 plus. Say £20 a day for lunches and fancy coffees. Meals out at weekend for family would be £100. It could easily rack up

Doodlebug5 · 31/12/2018 14:23

Yeh we had £14k of debt with nothing to show for it. Such easy money when it's not coming out of your bank account

Allthewaves · 31/12/2018 14:23

In a week

ChristmasRaven · 31/12/2018 14:23

Is it possible he's been in debt for a lot longer and maybe did a few balance transfers? While in theory balance transfers are a good idea, if you don't have the money to pay it off the debt can just grow and grow. So I would say it depends. If you know for sure that it's just from this year then yes I'd be suspicious of there being more to it. But if it's an accumulated debt, or he used it to pay other debts, then it's possible.

Allthewaves · 31/12/2018 14:23

And if he smokes that's a money pit.

Violetroselily · 31/12/2018 14:25

Was this recent? 300 a week is possible if he's gone to expensive places, but does that tally with the amount he's actually been out?

Otherwise yes I'd suspect drugs or gambling

Juststopit · 31/12/2018 14:28

My exh managed to get himself in 20k if debt, a lot of it was late payment charges across several cards, not paying off work expenses and his hobbie. Note that he is ex, I couldn’t trust him after discovering that. He’s still in debt.

The4thSandersonSister · 31/12/2018 14:29

Strange that all of these meals/drinks/takeaways didn't seem to involve you. Could be gambling, drinking, drugs or women (Punting or regular OW), all of the above would give him nothing to physically show for the money spent, anything show up on bank statements or receipts?

lastqueenofscotland · 31/12/2018 14:29

Smoking 20 a day and gambling £20 a day + eating out all the time could spiral incredibly quickly

ClashCityRocker · 31/12/2018 14:29

It's doable, but I'd have thought that an additional £300 week spending on meals/takeaways would be something you'd notice.

Mind you, a relative managed to get through an 18k divorce settlement in a similar time scale, but she was going out most nights and treating 'friends' who of course, dropped her as soon as she ran out cash

MissMalice · 31/12/2018 14:31

The interest will be a fair whack if it’s not 0% cards. I’d be wanting to see statements.

ClashCityRocker · 31/12/2018 14:31

If he's been gambling online he may will be on a much higher cash APR too.

amusedbush · 31/12/2018 14:32

I’m 28 and paying back £14.5k through Step Change thanks to spending like a dickhead when I was in my early 20s. Overdraft, credit cards, loans, catalogue account, etc. I definitely didn’t gamble a penny, I just went on holidays, paid for driving lessons, went out a lot, bought loads of clothes and gadgets, etc. I lived way above my means until the minimum payments were almost as much as my monthly salary and I had to pay for my food shop with a credit card. I hid it for as long as I could and DH was very angry when he found out but I sorted a plan with Step Change and will be debt free in two years.

I have completely changed the way I think about spending, saving and credit. I’m deeply embarrassed about it and never want to get into debt again.

It really doesn’t have to be anything sinister, like a gambling addiction.

ClashCityRocker · 31/12/2018 14:33

Just to add, not laying any blame on you for not noticing it.... It just doesn't add up if you haven't.

It may be that he incurred a certain amount living the high life, perhaps, and then had to use credit cards etc to top up ordinary living costs as he couldn't meet the repayments otherwise?

I'd be wanting to see statements I think.

purplecorkheart · 31/12/2018 14:36

I second ask to see the statements.

Original poster
Whoishe · 31/12/2018 14:37

Woah! Lots of replies, thank you 😊

I certainly haven’t noticed anything and haven’t been treated to any meals etc. We have a toddler and I work from home. He works shifts and is rarely here. I’ll be asking to see statements in the next couple of days.

OP posts:
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