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Original poster

Someone I’m friends with posts things about people that are dead

67 replies

LardLizard · 31/12/2018 13:58

For example a mutual friend died just before she was forty

Friend posted on her birthday, raising a glass to x today would have been your 40th etc

And just before Xmas she posted a photo of an elderly person, saying about how she misses him not a relation and how she will be taking him a wreath on Xmas day...
It was the photo that me extra uncomfortable as it was a photo of an elderly man eatting his dinner

And I know we are all Diogenes but it feels a bit intrusive and like not letting the person rest

Would you say anything. Or just ignore

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 31/12/2018 14:00

It’s how she remembers them.
It’s not my taste but if you say anything you are going to sound a bit weird and judgy

Is there a reason why you can’t ignore.

MissionItsPossible · 31/12/2018 14:01

There’s no point in saying anything because you can’t force what she can and can’t post on her own Facebook, even though I think it’s pretty crass from what you’ve described. I’d just block her personally.

Irish3008 · 31/12/2018 14:02

She's just remembering them. I don't see the harm.
Unless she's being a grief vulture, that's different.

3out · 31/12/2018 14:02

It’s their way of dealing with grief. I’d leave them to it.

Personally, I don’t find it helpful to focus on dates/significant events regarding the deceased. I’d much rather remember them through unexpected ways, such as ‘oh, Jenny would have loved that!’ etc. Each to their own though.

IhateBoswell · 31/12/2018 14:02

I can’t see anything wrong with the first example. Just hide her newsfeed if it offends you.

3out · 31/12/2018 14:03

I think the deceased will be able to rest easy though. A FB status isn’t going to disturb them.

SwedishEdith · 31/12/2018 14:04

I just scroll past this type of stuff.

HeffalumpsDaughter · 31/12/2018 14:04

Was she actually close to these people?

I have a problem with some people posting things like this. My dbro committed suicide this time last year. It was obviously a absolutely devastating and this last year has been horrific for my family. Then my brothers FB will get tagged in posts occasionally saying things like ‘I never knew you as well as I should have, but I’ll never forget that time we had double maths together once 25 years ago. We lost contact and I haven’t spoken to you since but my thoughts are with you and your family’. I just think these people are absolute grief vampires. It’s fuck all to do with you, which makes you very lucky. Stop trying to hijack something that you really don’t want to be a part of for fucking likes on FB.

WorraLiberty · 31/12/2018 14:07

Ignore

It's her FB timeline, not yours.

What would you say to her anyway? "Stop doing this because I'm right and you're wrong"?

NaughtToThreeSadOnions · 31/12/2018 14:08

Nope dont understand the problem here

Everyone grieves in different ways

Or are you one of these people who thinks that once the funeral isxover every pnw shoukd be over it

Shes judt remebering people shes lost. Im more confused by your attitude than hets tbh

WorraLiberty · 31/12/2018 14:09

Also, why did you mention the elderly gentleman was not a relation?

She loved him enough to want to take him a wreath on Christmas day. I don't understand what difference it'd make if they were related?

MissionItsPossible · 31/12/2018 14:10

I think the deceased will be able to rest easy though. A FB status isn’t going to disturb them

The yearly reminders might be disturbing or upsetting for the deceased’s family though

Original poster
LardLizard · 31/12/2018 14:12

Well I suppose part of why I feel this way is for example
The photo of the elderly man eatting his dinner
Doesn’t look like a photo he agreeed to have if you know what I mean
I mean he’s sitting there slumpednina chair trying to eat his dinner
It’s not a nice photo
He’s wearing like a vest with a tube up his nose
And I think well could have at least posted a nicer photo
It’s the intrusive nature of the photo like she’s took a photo of him without relaly havignpermisionn

I wouldn’t say she was particular close to either of them and one of them she hadn’t seen in more than 20 years

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 31/12/2018 14:15

From your update I would think you need to hide their posts
Is there a reason they are your friend?

I have a relative who I can’t unfriend but it's dead easy not to see what she posts. I’d do that
Otherwise you are just going to end up telling her you think she’s goulish and insincere

WorraLiberty · 31/12/2018 14:16

Bloody hell you're sounding really judgey now OP.

I can't understand why any of this is occupying your head space Confused

If you're going to judge anyone, why not judge parents who repeatedly put pics of their children on the internet, without their permission or understanding?

Surely that's a bigger 'problem' for you, given that they're actually alive?

Original poster
LardLizard · 31/12/2018 14:17

She’s actually alright in real life

OP posts:
Bombardier25966 · 31/12/2018 14:17

Do people put this much thought into what others post on social media?

Original poster
LardLizard · 31/12/2018 14:19

No just the stuff aboit people that aren’t here anymore and are not able to say
Hey I don’t like that photo etc

OP posts:
GlitterStick · 31/12/2018 14:20

No, Bombardier, they don't! FFS, I sometimes wonder why some are on FB at all, as it seems from here you can't post anything without somebody moaning or judging!
Scroll on or hide if you don't want to see her updates.
It's not hard.

Butchyrestingface · 31/12/2018 14:20

Friend posted on her birthday, raising a glass to x today would have been your 40th etc

I see this frequently on my TL and people occasionally post on my late mother's FB page. It's not something I would do but I'd never give it a second thought unless my TL was wall-to-wall of the stuff.

Why on earth would this bother you? Confused

Butchyrestingface · 31/12/2018 14:22

No just the stuff aboit people that aren’t here anymore and are not able to say
Hey I don’t like that photo etc

And what exactly do you think birthday lady would have objected to in someone raising a glass to her on her 40th had she still been here?

WorraLiberty · 31/12/2018 14:23

No just the stuff aboit people that aren’t here anymore and are not able to say
Hey I don’t like that photo etc

How many babies, toddlers and young school children can say "Hey I don't like that photo ect"? Confused

Seriously, it sounds as though your problem is more with the person, than anything else.

Ignore or unfriend

brizzledrizzle · 31/12/2018 14:25

Ignore it. Everybody behaves differently WRT social media and bereavement and not everybody has a filter.

Change her to an acquaintance if it really bothers you.

Judystilldreamsofhorses · 31/12/2018 14:26

I’m not on Facebook, but I post a photo of my dad on Instagram on his birthday each year. Most of the pictures are from when I was a child, photos of us on holiday and so on. If it pisses people off, tough tit.

Bombardier25966 · 31/12/2018 14:28

Do you tell people off for posting pictures of people who are alive but not on Facebook?

Are you the dead people's police?