To think this comment re 'family friendly' was inconsiderate

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We are getting a new HR Manager where I work. A few of us are back in work today, to provide a skeleton staff, and a couple of women were talking about her in the canteen. One of them said that she heard she has a couple of children, and the other said 'oh that's good. She'll be family friendly then'.
Our own Manager was there at the time. She doesn't have children but is extremely flexible and fair to her staff. She looked a bit upset (I think she's involuntarily childless) but said nothing.

AIBU to think it's really annoying when people come out with things like this? Just because someone doesn't have children, it doesn't mean that they're married to their job and don't have or understand the need to have a healthy work/life balance.

YANBU. It is insulting to suggest the childless/childfree aren't capable of managing employees in a 'family friendly way.

Im assuming you pointed this out? If youve benefited from her being flexible you really owed her.

AIBU to think it's really annoying when people come out with things like this?

I agree, it’s a lazy assumption to make.

I'm a manager who doesn't have children and this comment wouldn't have bothered me. I'd take it as meaning a parent would definitely understand the need for flexible working whereas a non-parent might or might not. I know I'm flexible with the people who report to me and they know it too so I wouldn't have any reason to take the comment personally.

If nothing else, it’s a dangerous assumption to make. I’ve had two really inflexible, un- family friendly bosses. One has a young child, the other doesn’t have children but is very close to the children in their family.

Generally women in senior positions with kids who are also over 40 are less flexible because they think if they rose up the ranks while juggling kids with 60 hour weeks you’re worthless if you can’t. Milennial managers tend to be the most flexible (with or without kids).

Yes very.

There are plenty of managers with kids, and it doesn’t make them remotely family friendly - in fact they take the attitude “I manage and so should you”. Quite an insensitive and silly remark.

No reason for the manager to be upset. You may be projecting, there.

No one said "Oh good, she'll be family friendly then, unlike X Manager", did they?

It's a bit of a lazy assumption that the HR person would only be family friendly IF they have kids, but it's a throwaway remark. I think anyone would be a bit odd to read to much into it.

Cherries
Generally women in senior positions with kids who are also over 40 are less flexible because they think if they rose up the ranks while juggling kids with 60 hour weeks you’re worthless if you can’t. Milennial managers tend to be the most flexible (with or without kids).

Not in my experience, but carry on with the ageism.

It sounds like a bit of a dig at your current manager. To some people, ‘family friendly’ means an opportunity to take the piss and expect child free colleagues to cover for them. Perhaps she spotted that too.

I hate the 'family friendly' thing, everyone should be treated the same whether they've had kids or not.

I do secretly give a sigh of relief when I move to a new job if my manager has kids because it usually means they will be understanding about illness etc.

However that being said the worst I've ever had, that I actually had to complain about for being so aggressive to anyone with young kids who needed flexibility, had 2 DC himself.

Nosquirrels can you really not see why the manager would potentially be upset? The I.ication that a manager without children wouldn't understand or be accommodating is a horrible one. It shows a total lack of appreciation for her efforts to be caring and flexible to colleagues. Also, if she was without children through unlucky circumstances rather than choice, it would have rubbed more salt into her wounds to be treated as "other" in that way

Just because someone has children doesn't make them family friendly either. That was an insensitive comment to make in front of your manager. I hope she does shy get too upset by it.

Our own Manager was there at the time. She doesn't have children but is extremely flexible and fair to her staff. She looked a bit upset (I think she's involuntarily childless) but said nothing.

The thing is that some parents don't want fairness, I remember people saying I wasn't fair in my previous job because I said that Christmas Eve/Boxing Day should be alternated and that parents shouldn't automatically get both of them..

I'd take it as meaning a parent would definitely understand the need for flexible working whereas a non-parent might or might not.

What does 'flexible working' mean though? And why is it = 'family friendly'? Some jobs lend themselves to 'flexibility', while others are pretty rigid in their requirements. That should be the same for all employees, whether or not they have kids.

I'd take it as meaning a parent would definitely understand the need for flexible working whereas a non-parent might or might not

You’re assuming parents all have the same experience of life. Someone with a SAHM partner doing everything for the children or lots of emergency childcare might not get that not everyone has access to that.

My HR Director and VP of HR both have children and they’re anything but family friendly!

My best manager was a childless by choice female manger. My worst a dad of 5. 🤷🏻‍♀️When I became a manger I tried to do the best I could for parents, but also those that were childless as they often had other responsibilities to elderly parents and siblings with disabilities as examples. I also don’t think it’s fair to assume that just because someone doesn’t have children they can always pick up for those that do.

Saying that the new one will be "family friendly" doesn't mean that they think that the current one isn't though.

Nor does it of course follow that having kids will make them so.

Would they have said it if the new manager was a male parent? Doubtful.

YANBU. I feel for your manager, that’s so unfair.

My least family friendly boss was a mother with 2 DC, she was pretty much married to her job and told me straight she did not give concessions just because people had children, if she could work, no matter what, she expected everyone else to do the same!

Luckily, I never needed any concessions.

In my experience, people with families do tend to understand the need more. But that doesn’t mean those without families are always bad at it.

My line manager has a child with a disability and she definitely gets what kind of flexibility I need and why, whereas my last LM had a family but didn’t have to deal with the things I do so was somewhat less sympathetic. It’s human nature to generally understand what you are familiar with.

However, if the current boss has offered flexibility, the staff member was out of order to make that comment.