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Original poster

Grief Grabbers-why do they do it?

300 replies

PerryPerryThePlatypus · 31/12/2018 09:40

There was a death in dh family just before Christmas, a much loved uncle passed away suddenly. Funeral was held a couple of days before Christmas.
At the afters of the funeral there was a screenshot of a post by someone who met this uncle maybe twice at the most (she married dh cousin and they moved away didn't keep in touch etc) being shown to family members. It basically said how am I going to get through Christmas knowing Uncle X is not here anymore. RIP I'm heartbroken.

She never even sent a card or came to the funeral. Just a rant.

OP posts:
AfterSchoolWorry · 31/12/2018 09:42

Ugh, I don't know. It's embarrassing.

marvellousnightforamooncup · 31/12/2018 09:43

People are dicks. Flowers

Birdsgottafly · 31/12/2018 09:45

They do it for attention.

It's quite sad that they have to do it, but annoying for those who are really grieving.

newyearnotsonewme · 31/12/2018 09:47

We had this when my grandfather died. A stepchild who had not spoken to him in over 40 years, who had notoriously hated him (and vice versa) insisted on being listed as one of his children and made a big thing of crying loudly at the funeral. The SCs children also did the same despite never meeting my grandfather. Some could say this was perhaps regret but I can't see how as the two of them never had any form of relationship (I am aware that this began when the SC was a child and so my grandfather was not faultless). After the funeral the SC went back to slagging off my grandfather whenever mentioned. 🤨 funny isn't it how the grief suddenly appears when there is an audience....oh and when we are sorting out the deceased's house and they want to take something to 'remember him by'.

x2boys · 31/12/2018 09:52

Social media doesn't help with all the "sorry for your lose hun"posts ,my sil.died very suddenly four years ago the amount of people go couldn't be bothered keeping in touch with her IRL making it all about them on Facebook was she opening !

x2boys · 31/12/2018 09:53

Eye opening*

RussellSprout · 31/12/2018 09:54

To give another angle, my cousin killed himself last year. I did not know him well and had seen him once in the past ten years.

I didn't post on social media or make a big deal of it but I was deeply saddened by his passing, he left a wife and baby behind and it wounded the whole family.

Grief affects people differently.

Original poster
PerryPerryThePlatypus · 31/12/2018 09:56

I feel so sorry for his daughter. FB really can bring out the worst in people.

OP posts:
Nettletheelf · 31/12/2018 09:58

These are the same spoke queuing up to sign ludicrous ‘books of condolence’ when somebody famous dies. The same people who waited for hours to file past Jimmy Savile’s coffin, weeping, when he died.

I think it makes them feel more alive, or part of something. They want everybody to know that they feel more deeply than most people. Because they are special. It’s tragic.

Nettletheelf · 31/12/2018 09:59

SPOKE??? People!!

CallMeSirShotsFired · 31/12/2018 09:59

I (used to) know someone who was not only a grief grabber, but a grief one-upper too.

Death in the family? She was the most sad even if she hadn't given them a moments thought in a decade.

Sad or tragic event? She was there, nearly there, had connections to it, was somehow linked to it. Her experience (however tenuous) was far greater than others, even people who were directly affected/there.

She also marks herself safe on FB at every disaster, even if she's in an entirely different country (because she maybe once flew over it or other vague 'link')

She is awful.

Original poster
PerryPerryThePlatypus · 31/12/2018 09:59

Russell I understand that but she didn't send a condolences card or go to the funeral or sympathtise with any of his family.

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 31/12/2018 09:59

I'd put that they didn't send a card or attend the funeral. If you call them out on it then they won't do it again!

Bertiebitch32 · 31/12/2018 10:01

My fingers would off been itching to not reply to her along the lines of it's a shame you didn't attend uncles funeral considering you were so close Grin

pineapplebryanbrown · 31/12/2018 10:01

I call it grief tourism, the people in paroxysms over a celebrity's death clutching each other. Sickening.

Loughers · 31/12/2018 10:01

CallMeSirShotsFired - she sounds awesome!

I would get so much fun following someone like that !!

Hezz · 31/12/2018 10:04

I don't understand it either. My uncle died and his DSs gf who he had been dating for a couple of years or so asked for some of his ashes, so he would always feel close.

WTAF was that about? She got some too.

x2boys · 31/12/2018 10:06

Yeah I know someone like that after the Manchester bomb last year she marked herself safe she wase nt at the concert she was at home in Bolton Hmm

dailyshite · 31/12/2018 10:06

There was a post on here years ago about grief wanking. Brilliant phrase, so apt in these circumstances, I wish I could credit the person who came up with it.

TitOfTheIceberg · 31/12/2018 10:07

She also marks herself safe on FB at every disaster, even if she's in an entirely different country (because she maybe once flew over it or other vague 'link')

I have a 7/7 grief grabber. On the day of the attacks, she had been due to travel into London much later in the day. Because of the travel chaos, she had to cancel her planned trip.

Every year since on 7/7 she puts a post on FB about being "so thankful" about her "near miss" and "there but for the grace of God" etc etc. She was safely miles away the entire time! It's so disrespectful to those who were genuinely caught up in the terror atrocities. She seems a perfectly nice person the other 364 days of the year but I have to brace myself every 7th of July because I know what's coming.

SpamChaudFroid · 31/12/2018 10:08

When dh died, my "mother" couldn't be arsed to come to his funeral. Fair enough, she only meet him once. Didn't stop her from ringing every family member howling about losing "her son in law". She even asked me to send flowers to his funeral on her behalf because she was "too distressed". Twat.

Shockers · 31/12/2018 10:09

A relative of mine recently chastised a son, after the death of his mother, for not letting him know the details of the funeral until the day before. It ‘wasn’t good enough’ that he wasn’t able to pay his respects.

I sat on my hands and advised her son to do the same. If the selfish twat hadn’t seen her in the last 15+ years, why the fuck did he think being at her funeral would be paying his respects?

Meanwhile, his son had also lost his sister in the previous months, had changed his working hours to visit his elderly mother, and had organised the funeral alone.

Put the fucking time in when someone is alive, rather than whining and attention grabbing once they’re dead, you selfish arsehole.

That felt good.

KirstyAllsoppsFatterTwin · 31/12/2018 10:09

I hate this. It makes me cringe inside out but unfortunately it's becoming more and more common for people to seek attention and piggyback in a mawkish way on someone else's grief, or gush publicly over someone they barely knew. It's a form of virtue signalling I think.

Original poster
PerryPerryThePlatypus · 31/12/2018 10:09

Hezz flipping Nora. That's a cheeky one.

If some of us could arrange flights and accommodation with three days notice at Christmas (which turned out to be four days) I'm sure she could've driven the hour and a half down the motorway.

OP posts:
KirstyAllsoppsFatterTwin · 31/12/2018 10:12

Gawd Hezz I hope they said no. How weird.