To ask if you 'just know' hes right for you? Is feeling irritated by him awarning sign?

[Desperatetobeamummyonedaysoon]

Ok so this sounds a bit ridiculous but ive been with oh nearly 3 yrs but we dont yet live together (we are talking about it but not rushing as i have a 6 yr old frm previous relationship so i want to be careful).

Basically my oh is great in so many ways but he also really irritates me.. a few examples.. when visiting his sister who rents his flat he looked around and said in a patronising way describing her xmas decs.. "hmm you've done very well here" .. i cant get the tone accross typing lol but it made me cringe. Why not just say 'oh i love your tree, the decorations look great!"

Other e.gs.. he hates waste and is very careful not to waste money (thats great!) but the other day for dinner he actually weighed out frozen peas! I couldnt believe anyone weighs peas?! Yes pasta or cake ingredients etc but peas to go next to a pie? He serves small portions as well! Half a jacket potato to share with a bit of salad is a dinner at his house :-/

I also find the way he talks irritates me.. he sounds a bit poncey! He uses unnecessary extravagant words in daily life which makes me cringe .. uses the word " garnent" to describe clothes or "lets decant the fish pie into this dish then dispose of the... ".. I realise this sounds ridiculous!!.. like im picking on really minor and ridiculous issues. Im losing sleep over if i really love him given i seem to be so easily irritated by him and thought Id ask on here as I cant sleep! :-/

He also has a sparkling clean and tidy house and wipes down his taps and surfaces constantly..any tiny drip of water he wipes immediately.. i made a tea and a tiny drip went on surface and hes right behind me wiping it up.

I know its individual and what one person finds annoying wont annoy others and people will say we just arent compatible but im just interested if you'd find any of the above annoying?

As pp have said, you've got a case of the "ick"s. It won't get better and he'll very soon annoy you simply by breathing (I wish I was joking!). Life is too short- he's just not the one for you.

The half a jacket potato and a bit of salad counting as a meal in his house would worry me most.

He sounds fussy and very particular. Your description of his good points is passionless and dull.

DH irritates me no end at times with pathetic things but if someone asked me to describe his good points, I'd say: really makes me laugh, loving, kind, generous, best kisser I have ever kissed, relaxed, good fun, interesting, intelligent, do-er, believes passionately in things he cares about, great dad, treats everyone with respect- I could go on but won't.

If he suggested we 'decanted fish pie' I would find it bloody irritating too. Do you tell him he's pompous and patronising? How does he respond?

Yes, he sounds like Alan Partridge, like he would say this sort of thing.

Alan after sex: “Well Sonja that was classic intercourse. So, er, thanks. Let's just pop the extractor fan on, get a through draught going.”

He's patronising, tight with money and food, and cleans up obsessively? Nope I couldn't put up with any of that.

And if he's that obsessively clean and tidy, he'll never cope with living with your child. It won't be good for your child either. Time to call it a day OP.

But you know that really, don't you?

Good parallel, whoever mentioned Charlotte Lucas.

OP, if you remember, even though when Lizzie visits, Charlotte is still in the honeymoon phase of simply enjoying having her own household and not living as a spinster daughter at home, listening to her younger brothers discuss gloomily who’s going to have to keep her, BUT even then, she’s had to find ways of managing Mr Collins’ behaviour so he doesn’t drive her crazy — arranging the living space so she sees little of him all day, encouraging him to be in the garden as much as possible, going strategically deaf so she can ignore his awful, pompous manners and forelocking-tugging.

It’s a fair trade for CL because her life before marriage was confined and only going to as soon as she was well and truly on the shelf — but is it for you?

‘Only going to disimprove as soon as she was well and truly on the shelf’ that should have said.

My OH irritates the hell out of me several times a day. However, in the few years before we lived together I thought he was perfect. If he's irritating you before you've even moved in together it's not great really. On the other hand, don't most relationships come with irritations?

OP, if you remember, even though when Lizzie visits...

I very much doubt she is even aware of who Charlotte Lucas is...

I didn't expect to be with him, married with a child a few years later! We was only sex buddies at first, and I vowed that is all it'll be... 7 years later, here we are lol!

Oh and yes that would piss me off! Anything that requires a dictionary can GTFO of my life lol

My DH irritates the life out of me sometimes but we’ve been together nearly 20 years. Also my irritation levels are very much menstrual cycle based so I’m not sure it’s all his fault to be honest.
It doesn’t matter whether your DP would irritate us, he is irritating you to a point where you don’t want to be with him and for that reason you should end it. It’s not going to get better.

I don’t think I could fancy a man who spoke like that and weighed peas and served half a jacket potato.

I imagine there’d be a running commentary during sex like he was bringing a plane into land or something.

I think this is a sign that he's not the one for you.

Oh well depends what you like ... some prefer a guy who grunts . And who won’t do any cleaning .... lol

There’s something annoying about everyone.

You've got the 'ick' factor. No real reason for it most of the time, but in my experience, once it hits there is no recovery. The relationship has hit its natural end.

Agree 100% with this!

My mum and Dad both have annoying habits, they’ve been together for ever but can go “argh stop it you are doing it again” and laugh at each other for the annoyances they can’t change.

This sums things up nicely. If you can't say yes to this, you're in trouble.

There are lots of valid reasons for the “ick factor” with this guy!

He sounds really annoying too.

I very much doubt she is even aware of who Charlotte Lucas is...

I thought that virtually the entire world had encountered a Pride and Prejudice adaptation, if not actually read the novel, but maybe you're right, Stuffing.

I imagine there’d be a running commentary during sex like he was bringing a plane into land or something

I always wince the at the idea of Mr Collins Doing Sex when there's a reference to poor Charlotte doing her marital duty and carrying a 'young olive branch'. His foreplay would probably involve talking about how Lady Catherine de Bourgh expects an heir, and lengthy speeches about how wellbred young women often express an initial unwillingness to have marital relations...

Oh and yes that would piss me off! Anything that requires a dictionary can GTFO of my life lol

Never before has it been quite so starkly obvious that there is, indeed, someone for everyone!

Well Stuffing you'd give Lady deBourgh a run for her money.

Is he Bree Van de Kamp?

Is he really really skinny? Such a weird, small dinner

The difference between endearing and irritating is down to how you feel about the other person. I mean, you can find the habit irritating but not so much that it made the other person unattractive. A pp is right - once it overtakes all his good points, the bell has tolled.

Besides anything else I can’t get past sharing a baked potato and weighing out peas! That would be enough to end it for me.