To ask if you 'just know' hes right for you? Is feeling irritated by him awarning sign?

[Desperatetobeamummyonedaysoon]

Ok so this sounds a bit ridiculous but ive been with oh nearly 3 yrs but we dont yet live together (we are talking about it but not rushing as i have a 6 yr old frm previous relationship so i want to be careful).

Basically my oh is great in so many ways but he also really irritates me.. a few examples.. when visiting his sister who rents his flat he looked around and said in a patronising way describing her xmas decs.. "hmm you've done very well here" .. i cant get the tone accross typing lol but it made me cringe. Why not just say 'oh i love your tree, the decorations look great!"

Other e.gs.. he hates waste and is very careful not to waste money (thats great!) but the other day for dinner he actually weighed out frozen peas! I couldnt believe anyone weighs peas?! Yes pasta or cake ingredients etc but peas to go next to a pie? He serves small portions as well! Half a jacket potato to share with a bit of salad is a dinner at his house :-/

I also find the way he talks irritates me.. he sounds a bit poncey! He uses unnecessary extravagant words in daily life which makes me cringe .. uses the word " garnent" to describe clothes or "lets decant the fish pie into this dish then dispose of the... ".. I realise this sounds ridiculous!!.. like im picking on really minor and ridiculous issues. Im losing sleep over if i really love him given i seem to be so easily irritated by him and thought Id ask on here as I cant sleep! :-/

He also has a sparkling clean and tidy house and wipes down his taps and surfaces constantly..any tiny drip of water he wipes immediately.. i made a tea and a tiny drip went on surface and hes right behind me wiping it up.

I know its individual and what one person finds annoying wont annoy others and people will say we just arent compatible but im just interested if you'd find any of the above annoying?

Yes, I would be irritated!

3 to 4 times a day sounds excessive. Imagine if you start living with him? It would be 24/7!

That does sound like a lot. Been with my OH seven years (married for two) and it's quite unusual for him to irritate me to be honest. he is a bit of a mumbler and doesn't always respond when you speak to him or he will say he has but I haven't heard him. That's probably the biggest irk and it's not daily.

So in the future, you've been out working all day until late, his turn to get dinner, and you sit down to half a jacket potato and a bit of salad?? I can't get past that, let alone everything else.

I also concerned about his cleaning and even wiping up a drip of water. Has your son ever been at his house? Children can drop things, spill things and be generally clumsy. How would he deal with a teen in the house? What about if you have a baby together? I do wonder if he would cope with the change in routine that entails.

Please think very carefully OP. If he's annoying you this much now, it will be ten times more if you move in together.

So he’s tight, an obsessional cleaner, a food-weigher and uses weirdly elaborate language? A catch.

I ended it with what I thought was the love of my life when it became clear that his idea of a family meal was a shared pack of Batchelor's pasta with a very small pile of peas next to it. In that instant I knew that a lifetime of that was not even an option. He was by no means a poor man so it wasn't that.
Listen to your inner self OP - it's trying to tell you something.

Sorry but the half jacket potato would be a deal breaker for me.

You have the ick OP, and there’s usually no coming back from that 😬

What's your general threshold for irritation like? Mine is low. So when I do find someone irritating I tend to take a step back and think hard about why I might be focusing on the negative. I am not saying you are necessarily being too negative but are there other positive points and how strongly would you weight those? What I find hard about pro and con lists is that sometimes there can be a long list on one side - in theory-and fewer on the other but fir example one point that you realise is the only one that matters. What was your deal breaker in the prior relationship?

I'm not sure he could cope with living with a child? Either he'd find it hell or you and or ds would - probably both

Will he have to weigh your son's food so costs can be apportioned? How will he cope when he leaves uneaten food as every single child inevitably does from.time to time. It sounds like a recipe for misery all round.

He's really, really tight with money.
Yuk.
Run.

Why does he actually weigh peas?

I suppose I would find all that irritating, yes, if I couldn't take the piss out of him about it.

My DP uses some odd phraseology occasionally (as do I) and we just get into banter about it. Like when Malcolm Tucker heard Judy Malloy say 'purview' and he went off on one about 'jaunty little bonnets'.

If you can't laugh, you're screwed.

If they’re irritating you now then when you live together you will want to tear your hair out so trust your gut!
My dh is very similar in the cleanliness way and hoovers round me , wipes over places that I’ve already wiped..and that drives me up the wall but we have been together for 15 years nearly and didn’t annoy me until we lived together .
Maybe sit down and have a candid chat with him about it

I wanted to say what AutumnCrow has already said. Can you playfully tease him about it because if you can’t then it’s only going to get worse. That would remove the irritation for me.

I weigh peas sometimes, I want to make sure my DC get the full 1 of their 5-a-day

I agree with others who say it’s not a good sign. What he does sounds v irritating.
My dh can be highly irritating but we have been together 25 years. Took a while for irritation to set in.

You’ve got to get rid of him, this will only get worse when you live together. If he was right for you, you wouldn’t be having to think about it this hard. Deep down you know he’s not the one for you.

Also couldn't deal with the meaness with food, id get hangry!

Not good.
II can't stand stingy people. Half a potato and sald for a meal? I'm only small and they would not cut it for me unless I was ill.
If he's obsessivly clean, having a child in the house will eventually tip him over the edge, and I'd hope he doesn't pick at your son for not being tidy 100% of the time.
I'd move on, I don't need to be with someone who irrtated the shit out of me more than once in a while, never mind 3-4 times a day.

The language wouldn’t bother me, but the rest suggests careful beyond normal. My DH has some of that and it’s not very appealing. I suspect it’ll only get worse as he gets old.

My dh is a bit like that with the cleaning stuff and it does my head in but we live together and have been married for 8 years. I'm not sure it's a good sign before you are even living together. I think you need to listen to your gut.

He sounds so annoying!!!!! From what you've said I feel like I already dislike him and I've never even met him 😂 also fwiw my friends and I have found that a guy who makes you cringe, is never the one!

I have never felt so strongly about an AIBU post that I had the comment twice hahaha... But I just reread your comment and nearly cringed myself to death 😂 ps, if you know you know - and it really sounds like you know he's NOT the one for you. X

Can you laugh about it with him? That’s the big question to me.

My ex DH had some irritating habits and they just made me cross and he would never have laughed.

My mum and Dad both have annoying habits, they’ve been together for ever but can go “argh stop it you are doing it again” and laugh at each other for the annoyances they can’t change.

3-4 times a day is a lot.

I’m quite easily irritated but even now we live together I feel”irritated” very rarely (maybe once a month)