My son was flamed for using a priority seat on a bus

[mindgoinground12]

This is more of a rant so i can get it out there, i may be being unreasonable though.
So a bit of background, a lot of the time i post here about my eldest son, who has MH problems along with physical problems, my family suffer from a genetic connective tissue problems, that i didn't know i had until the birth of my 4th child, DS2 and 4 suffer moderately, my eldest (and myself) has it very mildly and is a dancer as well so almost uses it to his advantage! Because i have 5 DS's and a lot of time this year has been taken by my eldest DS being very poorly, i make sure every know and then to spend one to one time with each DS.
So today was the time for DS4 who is 11, i asked him what he wanted to do and he said he wanted to go look at some star wars lego that he wanted to buy with his christmas money and get some ice cream, i also took it as a time to get him some new shoes, some clothes and we had some time playing in the arcade it was such a lovely day and he had such a wonderful time to it was so nice to just talk to him, but he did get tired rather quickly so we called it a day at about 15:30, unlike in the morning when the bus was very quite it was really busy, there was about 2 seats free, one right at the back up the stairs and a priority seat, so like we have done many times before i told him to sit in the priority seat, if the bus is quiter i try and find two other seats for us to sit together near the front but as it was obviously a very busy bus, when we have done this before i/he have been starred at a few tuts but i brush it of dont get in the argument, but today was different, when the bus got moving, a women sitting near us said 'he will have to move soon people may want to sit down' I politely commented that he has a physical disability and needs to sit down, she proceded to argue that he dosen't and looks fine, i commented that not evrey disability is always visable, then another man chimes in with the 'this generation are just lazy' comments between the two that were also said were 'no respect to the older generation and how hurt they could be if they fell on the bus, because my young son refused to stand up' (he could be very hurt falling on a bus) and that i was teaching him to be weak if he can stand he can stand on the bus etc. I think i might just be being extra sensitive because hes my boy, i know i will never see these people, i know whats going on, but it knocks his confidence he was very upset afterwards, about how hes not normal and as a mother it makes me feel like a failure. Something similar happened with DS2 whilst on his own and it knocked his confidence, I of course understand that these two will have just seen my son walk onto the bus and sit down in a priority seat, they don't see some of his joints in supports, they dont see the medication he takes, they don't see that sometimes he does have to use a wheelchair, they dont see how tired he is and that hes in pain, at that point was being hidden by the smile of the lego toy he was grasping in his hands, he recently started secondary school (this september) and a massive thing for him was being diffrent, if i could take his pain away and give it to me i would do it 10 times over.
Sorry that was really long! i might be being unreasonable, over sensitive etc, but i just had to get it down myself.

The other people on the bus were being dicks.

Has happened to us my kids have EDS and I’ve been appalled sometimes what they’ve had to put up with on buses because they ‘look ok’ and someone wants their seat

Unfortunately there are idiots anywhere. I wouldn’t bother engaging with them beyond, “not all disabilities are clearly visible”.

There are campaigns happening to highlight this issue. I know in Glasgow they have recently been promoting “accessible toilets” with a logo designed to promote the fact that some disabilities are “hidden”.

It was a very busy bus and i of course dont genralise the whole population on these two people! but it did get my blood bioling

Everywhere*

Other people were being arsey. You already told them he needed the seat.

YANBU at all what ignorant people

@letmyselfgo Its EDS we have to, i didnt know if anyone would know the condtion if i wrote it down!

Ignore them they are just ignorant. My dad got told he wasn’t a gentleman as he didn’t offer his seat to an elderly person he had fucking MS. If i’d hsvd been there then the woman who took him on would have been put in the picture and told to give up her own seat if she was worried about the elderly lady.

You know you’re not wrong. Some people are just idiots and why should you need to explain because they can’t ‘see’ what’s wrong.

I have arthritis in my knee and it was really sore at one point - thankfullly no one ever questioned me the few times I’ve used the priority bus seats. His help them if they start when my varicose veins flare up (legs on fire!).

Disabled people don't have to put up with being harassed by other passengers - complain to the driver.

How awful. People can be horrible. Your poor ds.

I'll probably be flamed but it's so often older people who behave in this way....it's like they can't grasp the fact that younger people can also be disabled and God forbid, need a seat more than they do.

Ds hates the word disabled, not just when describing himself so this situation is a total pain. It’s usually disabled toilets and of all things I think people should guess that you can’t tell from looking why someone needs a disabled loo.
I think it’s the flip side of disabled adults being able yo live more independently (quite rightly). Because you were holding him by the hand and not letting him any autonomy there couldn’t be any autonomy.
People were wrong you were right. Cold comfort I know.

What is MH?

The other people were frothing at the arse at a hypothetical situation i.e. 'what if someone gets on the bus..... '.

That's awful.

If it helps nobody in my family has an invisible disability. But in recent times (past few years) I have been made aware through social media etc and would always assume there is possibly a reason someone is sitting in priority seat/using disabled space even if it isn't obvious.

It's rubbish but hopefully attitudes will start to change.

We’ve really struggled as nobody believes it they look at the dc for a fleeting moment and make the judgement they look ‘ok’ so they must be healthy ......it’s infuriating I’ve even been accused of munchausens by proxy ! It is awful dealing with invisible disabilities

Drivers dont get involved ime.

I have EDS and regularly get called out in a certain supermarket car park. It doesn't happen nearly as often anywhere else so I will actively avoid it if I'm feeling delicate emotionally.

Of course, the comments stop when the see me get my wheelchair out. But I don't need it every time I go out. I even have car stickers on every door and the boot saying 'not all disabilities are visible'. It does affect your confidence. The best thing you can do to show support for your son is to call them out on their ignorance. He needs to see and hear you sticking up for him. Help him to grow a thick skin, he's going to need it.

thank you all for your kind words, @letmyselfgo yes the only reason im diagnosed is because DS2 got diagnosed then his brotheres then me, i went through child protection many times as DS2 had dislocations, bruises cuts etc (it effects his skin alot) and some from our local hospital was convinced it was me doing it, i of course dont mind them investgating in some ways (proves there CP Procedures are good) but it was soul destroying going through.
Sorry about the abbreviations, MH- Mental health and EDS is Ehlers Danlso SYndrome

Tell your DS that unfortunately, some people are complete dicks and some, not all, pensioners have jumped onto this snowflake generation nonsense to rant all the time about everything. Its very boring, they are very boring...tell ds the problem is with them not him. My DM once sat in a priority seat, she's in her late 60s but looks a decade younger. A woman came on and had a go and I told her my mum is not young and needs to sit and she said well I'm 60, and I said well my mum is.....this shut her up. I hate the combative nature of these conversations, why can't people ask politely, "sorry, do you really need the priority seat?" and then respect the answer or accept the seat with grace instead of this faux outrage.

I would have gone mad at those rude people. Your son may not have appreciated a scene but they need to be told.

If someone has the ignorance to carry on whinging after they have been reminded that not all disabilities are visible then "your ignorance is not my problem" and turning your back on them and firmly telling your son to not give one fig for those who think living an extra couple of years somehow excludes them from manners.

Age is no excuse. People have not changed magically, there have always been people with disabilities, they have made the error of just remembering all those people as older than themselves. When they were children. Also it would not take them any effort to learn about disability, information is hardly locked away from the public these days. How lazy are they?

Lots of people have no manners anyway. Even if he had no disability people should not be intimidating an 11 year old boy. Nobody even wanted the seat. They should have minded their own business. If someone elderly or with an obvious disability had got on the bus and was unable to get a seat they could have offered their own seat. People think they are like wee policemen supervising everybody else's behaviour and are comfortable upsetting 11 year olds. They maybe went home and updated their Facebooks about how great they were telling people they shouldn't use priority seats. I don't know what the answer is. You shouldn't have to explain what ails your son every time you get on a bus. That may make him feel different.

Makes me sad that all the campaigning for invisible illnesses still leads to this. And that some older people still assume all young people should give up their seats regardless.

I have DDD/ facet joint arthritis, spinal stenosis and some other bits. I can’t stand much ATM as just had rhizolysis. I sat down near the front of a bus a few weeks ago as no other seats and a older lazy called me a ‘ stupid lazy cow’(Im 35!) and said young people have no manners. I thought my mum was going to kill her