My son was flamed for using a priority seat on a bus

[mindgoinground12]

This is more of a rant so i can get it out there, i may be being unreasonable though.
So a bit of background, a lot of the time i post here about my eldest son, who has MH problems along with physical problems, my family suffer from a genetic connective tissue problems, that i didn't know i had until the birth of my 4th child, DS2 and 4 suffer moderately, my eldest (and myself) has it very mildly and is a dancer as well so almost uses it to his advantage! Because i have 5 DS's and a lot of time this year has been taken by my eldest DS being very poorly, i make sure every know and then to spend one to one time with each DS.
So today was the time for DS4 who is 11, i asked him what he wanted to do and he said he wanted to go look at some star wars lego that he wanted to buy with his christmas money and get some ice cream, i also took it as a time to get him some new shoes, some clothes and we had some time playing in the arcade it was such a lovely day and he had such a wonderful time to it was so nice to just talk to him, but he did get tired rather quickly so we called it a day at about 15:30, unlike in the morning when the bus was very quite it was really busy, there was about 2 seats free, one right at the back up the stairs and a priority seat, so like we have done many times before i told him to sit in the priority seat, if the bus is quiter i try and find two other seats for us to sit together near the front but as it was obviously a very busy bus, when we have done this before i/he have been starred at a few tuts but i brush it of dont get in the argument, but today was different, when the bus got moving, a women sitting near us said 'he will have to move soon people may want to sit down' I politely commented that he has a physical disability and needs to sit down, she proceded to argue that he dosen't and looks fine, i commented that not evrey disability is always visable, then another man chimes in with the 'this generation are just lazy' comments between the two that were also said were 'no respect to the older generation and how hurt they could be if they fell on the bus, because my young son refused to stand up' (he could be very hurt falling on a bus) and that i was teaching him to be weak if he can stand he can stand on the bus etc. I think i might just be being extra sensitive because hes my boy, i know i will never see these people, i know whats going on, but it knocks his confidence he was very upset afterwards, about how hes not normal and as a mother it makes me feel like a failure. Something similar happened with DS2 whilst on his own and it knocked his confidence, I of course understand that these two will have just seen my son walk onto the bus and sit down in a priority seat, they don't see some of his joints in supports, they dont see the medication he takes, they don't see that sometimes he does have to use a wheelchair, they dont see how tired he is and that hes in pain, at that point was being hidden by the smile of the lego toy he was grasping in his hands, he recently started secondary school (this september) and a massive thing for him was being diffrent, if i could take his pain away and give it to me i would do it 10 times over.
Sorry that was really long! i might be being unreasonable, over sensitive etc, but i just had to get it down myself.

spotted eds straight away.

it is so variable. some days you can do stuff, other days not.

The people on the bus were being absolutely unreasonable. But please let’s not descend into ageism.

exactly @BlackeyedGruesome some days we can do what we did today, we just need to adapt how he does it (take regular breaks, sit down on the bus etc!) others he cant get out of bed, sometimes he uses crutches, or his chair its so variable. But if he feel he can walk unaided he will, becasue hes 11 year old he dosent want to be seen as diffrent

the woman was older, but the man i would say was 45 odd? so i agree theres a strotype that it the older popualtion and it sometimes is but it wasnt fully in this case.

Are you able to get priority seat badges to wear when on public transport? Like pregnant ladies have? That could work? Shame people just aren't kinder to eachother though. Poor ds who had to hear that but well done for putting them right.

Yes child protection investigations are horrible you feel upset angry and scared youre going through it then you feel guilty even though it’s not your fault as you know resources are being wasted looking into your family when you have done nothing wrong

Please ignore the bus seat police....I've been at home most of these holidays but the two times I have stepped out, I realise there is no shortage of arsey ignorant passive aggressive people. Once I stopped my dd aged 3 to not play with the buttons in an elevator, this woman had an unimpressed face as we got on the elevator as the doors were closing. Thought best if dd doesn't play with buttons and also it's not a toy... she said about 3 times that I should let her press the buttons and carried on saying that again once we got off... I then asked her how this was any of her business and that it's not her place to say anything and that she shouldn't interfere 😊

In London, I have seen people wearing a blue badge asking for seat... maybe try and get hold of one of those for your son.

Fucking hell mindgoinground12 YWNBU
are you and DS ok now?
I’ve got very very mild HEDS (hypermobile) and I am sometimes in tears as a grown woman.
Those old people were assholes.
Sending love

YANBU. DD2 has EDS. It's a rare week when she has not had a dislocation.

or a zebra badge?

I am lucky. my bad days are like your dsons better days.

there are bloody loads of us about, rare my arse, more likely underdiagnosed as Gps do not have a fucking clue sometimes and it is put down to other things so many times. (especially if they have been told it is rare, they are not going to be looking for it, as the saying goes if you hear hooves it is morelikely to be horses than zebras) I swear my mum has it, ds is bendy as hell but otherwise as yet not any problems, my dad had it as far as we can tell. (lots of hernias, random popping blood vessels, bleed on the brain, bendy) out of all of us, only I have a diagnosis, dd has a diagnosis of hypermobility syndrome, which many specialists think is the same thing. (i was surprised to get an hEDS diagnosis rather then hypermobility syndrome) so only one of us has a hEDS diagnosis, but there are possibly 5 of us with it. there is no blood test for this sort. (wish there was as I would not get stupid drs with no specialist knowledge saying I can't have it as I have not had a blood test, despite their colleagues saying I have)

research suggests that if you have hEDS then you have a seven fold increase in the liklihood of having autism, you are also more likely to have asthma, and various other things as well were listed. (gut issues being one that my gut is currently reminding me about)

I just say I'll share my child's medical diagnoses with them after they've given me theirs.

They were being idiots. It is hard and I sympathise. We got funny looks when I had to ask an elderly lady to let us sit in our pre booked seats on the train but dh has Menieres Disease and ds autism and public transport is difficult anyway, standing is impossible. But to all intents and purpose dh looks completely fine.

You don't owe anyone an explanation, they were being really rude and unpleasant. Your son is entitled to use facilities for people with a disability and they have no right to suggest he shouldn't be doing it.

I'm really sorry your son had to go through this.

This makes me so angry. I cannot believe how ignorant some people can be. I have an invisible disability, albeit not to the point I would need a priority seat, although I do have a bad knee from a torn ligament a few months ago (not my disability) just problems with my knee sometimes, and I'm constantly sick from the meds I have to take. You would never think it by looking at me.

What annoys me the most though, is people who think priority seats or disabled seats are for their shopping trolleys.

Dd used to get a commuter train to school. She has a condition which means shecan faint a lot, and can't stand for long periods, she has to sit down. One morning she was feeling particularly ill, and asked a man in a priority seat if she could sit down. As she was in school uniform, he refused, she fainted over him, and the train was held for 20 minutes till the staff and her friends could get her safely offthe train. The only think the bloke said was to accuse her of trying to steal his briefcase!
Dd was moderately pleased he would have been late to work, all through deciding that a school girl couldn't possibly be ill.
It's tough, invisible illnesses/disabilities aren't really accepted orbelieved in, we've had so many problems when people haven't believed DD, then she faints,and that's the rest of the day gone

People can be arses sadly.
I have a very visible disability and still get pushed, my booked train seat taken and told to move out of priority seats. It's jaw-dropping how often.

ffs. room, one would have thought that a visible disability got you more help. but no probably makes you moer of a target. some people are arses.

Dd tends to get more sympathy than criticism, maybe being a girl. I am seriously tempted though that the next person who asks 'oh dear, what has she done?' will get the answer that she was born with the wrong mix of genes. Fed up with explaining her latest injury to all and sundry as if a kid on crutches should explain herself to everyone. Very glad she doesn't catch busses to school.

Been there, dd has asd, unexplained blackouts (suspected partial complex seizures but they haven't caught one on monitoring) and extreme anxiety - this means standing on a busy bus surrounded by people causes panic attacks and she has blacked out many times. The grief I've had having her sat in a non priority seat! Plus she really struggles to sit next to a stranger. We have to go places and occasionally it's on public transport as have no choice - a nationally recognised hidden disability card would be excellent (she has a disabled bus pass already and has had bus drivers in London query it as she doesn't use a wheelchair!)

My daughter had EDS and has good and bad days- she has a ‘please offer me a seat’ badge which really helps in this situation.

If you're in London or the SE, OP, you can get a "Please offer me a seat" badge for him. I have quite severe arthritis and other joint issues, and it's been an absolute godsend for me:

tfl.gov.uk/transport-accessibility/please-offer-me-a-seat?intcmp=46988

If you're not in London or the SE, maybe a poster based here could request one and pass it on to you? You don't have to specify any condition - they rely on it being self-policed.

Some people are just pathetic, I was sitting with my two year old daughter on my lap in a priority seat as I was hiding her (folded down)pushchair too and an elderly lady took it on herself to tell me that I should move with my daughter, I was gobsmacked as I was told her to mind her own business as my daughter couldn't exactly stand up plus I have arthritis and fibromyalgia which makes it difficult for me to stand

If he didn't stand up for someone who needed it more, then perhaps you should have?

I can understand the initial remark, but to carry on after you explained was over the top. Unfortunately though, too many perfectly able people sit in these seats when they could perfectly well stand.