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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think I shouldn’t have to childproof my house

64 replies

Soconfusedbylife · 30/12/2018 17:51

I have 2 children, 4 & 7. We have many nieces and nephews of varying ages 3-7 so not too different. However when they come to visit we have to child proof our house. Nieces and nephews will purposefully break toys, use them as weapons, tear up jigsaws and throw electronics.

I’m happy that my children will generally play nicely and whilst they will obviously squabble they have been taught to look after their toys or they go away or end up in the bin and not replaced (if broken). But when nieces and nephews come around we have to gather anything of value and hide it away. We also can’t leave them unsupervised so me or DH have to be with them all the time as their parents are happy to let their child/children destroy things because they’re only kids.

Ours love their cousins and live playing with them but obviously soon get bored of having their things trashed and want the house back to themselves.

How would you deal with this? We’ve reduced the amount of time we spend with them but it’s still so stressful.

OP posts:

NikiFree · 30/12/2018 17:51

Visit theirs instead ?

Speak to their parents

FrazzyAndFrumpled · 30/12/2018 17:53

That’s rude and disrespectful, their parents should be making sure they treat your children’s stuff with respect! I’d definitely bring it up with them.

Santaisfastasleepatlast · 30/12/2018 17:54

Dgs is here, told my ds it's not my job to watch him. He gets told off for being a vandal frankly. Don't /won't accept my dc's stuff being abused. Tell them off, if the adults don't like it they can cut short their visit.

squaksquak · 30/12/2018 17:55

My nephew is like this.

Just bloody mental. He screams and shouts and completely runs amok. My BIL brought him to the house to visit after he birth of my DD and I was on the verge of asking them to leave. He screeched, jumped about and tore through the house. My DS who is slightly older was (but desperate to join in but knew better)

Two days after a c section and I was ready for wringing his neck.

BackBoiler · 30/12/2018 17:56

I just tell the kid off myself

Hillarious · 30/12/2018 17:56

You can make a point by not child-proofing the house, but then your things will just get trashed, by the sound of it.

bridgetreilly · 30/12/2018 17:58

It's nothing to do with them being only children, by the way. It's all about the parents.

GunpowderGelatine · 30/12/2018 17:58

What a nightmare YANBU. If I'm expecting the more, ahem, spirited of our nieces and nephews the ones on DHs side I lock away the good/expensive toys. DNephew was round yesterday, the most valuable thing he launched across the playroom (there were many things) was a pair of kid's drumsticks for their drum set.its exhausting and feeble parenting of "Harry, no. Harry stop." Rather than taking stuff off him is the reason we seldom have them over

ThePinkOcelot · 30/12/2018 17:59

Tell them off. If their parents aren’t prepared to, you need to. That’s disgusting behaviour!

AmyDowdensLeftLeftShoe · 30/12/2018 18:01

Tell them off.

If it upsets their parents then they can leave and never visit again.

PattiStanger · 30/12/2018 18:01

Don't invite them round anymore.

Original poster

Soconfusedbylife · 30/12/2018 18:03

Relations with SIL is very shaky, her and My DB are having a lot of marital problems over her refusal to discipline. I witnessed my niece kicking both her parents in the stomach this last week whilst having a tantrum, they just carried on their conversation and said ow. She’s 8.

OP posts:

SammySays · 30/12/2018 18:04

I have a good friend whose children do this at our home. For various reason they would only come to ours for a long time and recently I have made a point that we will only go to theirs. Managed to keep them away for almost a year now

pantyclaws · 30/12/2018 18:04

My first DC was so calm, respectful, well behaved when younger. Second DC can be a total animal who throws, hits, bites given half the chance. Obviously we discourage/ prevent it but for a 3-4 year old and maybe even 5 year old they will still have little impulse control. So I think it's unreasonable to expect a younger child to behave perfectly and/or for all children to be the same as yours. But the parents should be watching like a hawk to stop any unwanted behaviour.

In your case it also sounds like there are older children doing this which I've would be much less impressed with.

Maybe meet on neutral ground in future?

MooPointCowsOpinion · 30/12/2018 18:05

I am in two minds here. I get annoyed when we are expected to always be the ones to visit, instead of people making the effort to come to us, and then when we get there the entire set up is boring and dangerous for kids to be around. We always leave early and with quite a lot of resentment for certain people who won’t come to ours because they prefer their own place by expect us to come to theirs when we and our kids prefer our own space too!
I’m also sometimes on the receiving end, when friends bring their kids over and leave them running wild and my house is trashed and things are broken. I’ve got better in recent years to put up a stair gate and say upstairs is off limits, and enforce it if parents don’t, so I can keep an eye on the kids. It’s not a kid problem, it’s an adult friends/family problem, and I’ve got no problem dropping huge hints so they know that now!

Original poster

Soconfusedbylife · 30/12/2018 18:05

I do tell them off. But I’m just a bit fed up of me having to do it and supervise their child whilst they have a nice brew and a catch up elsewhere. Families are hard work.

OP posts:

pantyclaws · 30/12/2018 18:08

Does telling off genuinely work with some children? It's never worked with mine. I have to use positive action/distraction or physically stop them from doing whatever it is. If I shout or get angry at them they cry and wail and moan which is usually worse than the original problem!

Tiredoftalking · 30/12/2018 18:08

I have 3 ds’s 1&2 have always been well behaved and easy children, 3 is a bloody nightmare!! I love him to bits but he is wild. I turn down many invites as too embarrassed/stressed to take him, or spend the entire time removing him from hazards, toys, other children. However when I go to my brothers I expect he and his partner will make their house as safe as possible, and help out looking after him because they love him. Same with my parents, however we rarely visit DH’s family as they are less than accommodating. I understand the frustration for your DC’s but I also understand the difficulty of a wild child!

CallingDannyBoy · 30/12/2018 18:08

Had similar - we reduced visits, hid precious toys away and I gave them house rules when they came. I just picked 2/3 simple things to remember like no one is to go on our room etc etc Pick the three things that you really hate such as do not throw toys - if you do I will take them off you etc. Sympathies. It did get better though and they all love playing with each other - it’s still full on but that is just as much my children as theirs.

goldengummybear · 30/12/2018 18:13

Meet outside your house. Kids can burn off their "energy" and your stuff is safe.

staydazzling · 30/12/2018 18:14

I childproof with my nephew whos a toddler, in terms of ornaments etc, i nearly lost a snowglobe to a game of whack it off the windowsill because mine are 7 & 9 and you do forget, but deliberately breaking toys is a much different issue do the parents offer to replace?

Unihorn · 30/12/2018 18:17

There are 9 children under 10 in my family and whenever more than three are together they're bloody feral. Sometimes it's not the parenting or the children, it's the group being together in a fun environment. We just all accept that they're shit at each others houses and try to get them out a bit more.

I always happily tell my nieces and nephews off though, as well as my own children of course.

BubblesBuddy · 30/12/2018 18:20

Please do ot meet up with them in a pub restaurant!!! These children sound awful and a child that is throwojnng punches at age 8 needs serious attention from a professional. Do not just blame the mum. Parenting takes two - if there are two of course. Blaiming one parent is not good enough.

We had to child proof from my cousing in the 1960s/70s. He ended up going to a young offenders prison. He hid things, broke things, trashed neighbours belongings, and was generally a nightmare. No-onedated say anything but his parents found out the hard way! It is best to say something!

delboysskinandblister · 30/12/2018 18:25

Just say 'no your lack of respect for my house and your inability to discipline your kids means you are welcome in my house'.

I do not blame you for not wanting Mowgli in your house - tackle the parent tackle the problem. Don't worry about hurting their precious feelings they obviously don't give a fuck about yours.

fluffygreenmonsterhoody · 30/12/2018 18:26

Why on earth would them being only children mean they were allowed to destroy things?

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