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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I shouldn’t have to childproof my house

64 replies

Soconfusedbylife · 30/12/2018 17:51

I have 2 children, 4 & 7. We have many nieces and nephews of varying ages 3-7 so not too different. However when they come to visit we have to child proof our house. Nieces and nephews will purposefully break toys, use them as weapons, tear up jigsaws and throw electronics.

I’m happy that my children will generally play nicely and whilst they will obviously squabble they have been taught to look after their toys or they go away or end up in the bin and not replaced (if broken). But when nieces and nephews come around we have to gather anything of value and hide it away. We also can’t leave them unsupervised so me or DH have to be with them all the time as their parents are happy to let their child/children destroy things because they’re only kids.

Ours love their cousins and live playing with them but obviously soon get bored of having their things trashed and want the house back to themselves.

How would you deal with this? We’ve reduced the amount of time we spend with them but it’s still so stressful.

OP posts:
delboysskinandblister · 30/12/2018 18:26

*not welcome

FuckingYuleLog · 30/12/2018 18:26

Just meet at a play centre or the park or something. What do their parents say when your things get broken?

3WildOnes · 30/12/2018 18:28

pantyclaws one of mine becomes angry and naughtier if you tell him off. A telling off usually works for the others.

Chickenwings85 · 30/12/2018 18:30

I feel your pain on this. Two of my nephews are like this and I actually dread them visiting because they're so destructive with no boundaries set! God forbid we tell them off in our own home or tell them no you're not going upstairs to play or no you can't play with that ornament/candle/whatever.... pisses me off something rotten!! Their mother is useless and will not tell them off or teach them respect.

lalalalyra · 30/12/2018 18:30

I have a friend whose children are only allowed in the living room or dining room because of their behaviour. It means anything my kids don't want them to touch can be in the bedrooms out of the way.

It does take quite a strong friendship to get by the awkwardness, but I'm super strict on it. The only play in eyeline and earshot of the adults. For a while my friend thought it was because of my DS's behaviour, but she knows now. She doesn't say it out loud, but she knows.

Original poster
Soconfusedbylife · 30/12/2018 18:31

Parents response is to tell their child to say sorry. They also say sorry when they hit, kick or scratch but to be honest I’d rather they were told not to hit than just say sorry after the event. There’s no say sorry for doing X we don’t do that because Y. The response is always say sorry then end of conversation.

OP posts:
Original poster
Soconfusedbylife · 30/12/2018 18:36

I don’t just blame the Mum (my SIL), my DB should be doing it too. He works away a lot!! Which I expect is a lot of the problem. When he’s home they don’t listen to him but his wife does also undermine him as she’s their constant.

They stayed with my parents and my Dad told the 6 year old off for running hot wheels across the front of his new TV. SIL went mad at my Dad for saying something.

By telling off I mean Don’t do that Max you’ll scratch the TV. Not shouting.

OP posts:
delboysskinandblister · 30/12/2018 18:36

@Soconfusedbylife

And how's that working out for them.......?

No, you are currently supporting a bad situation. Don't let them in the house. The parents can't respect you and your home so out they go!

DarlingNikita · 30/12/2018 18:39

I wouldn’t have them in the house and I’d tell their parents exactly why.

nicoala1 · 30/12/2018 18:41

They need Super Nanny to teach them the naughty step routine!

TheTroublesomestTribble · 30/12/2018 18:42

they cry and wail and moan which is usually worse than the original problem!

They will the first few dozen times you have to do it - you have to just grit your teeth and stand firm. Once you've laid the groundwork, you won't actually have to say anything at all - 'The Look' will be sufficient, or maybe a quiet word in the ear.

The trouble is, so many parents cave far too easily - disciplining DCs is difficult and requires you to put up with a fair about of public humiliation and often abject misery (yours) before you see any results.

You need to play the long game and be prepared put up with some pain before you get to the sunlit uplands of well-behaved children...

FuckingYuleLog · 30/12/2018 18:42

Well it’s easy enough then you just say we’ll have to meet at x place as quite a lot of things tend to get broken when the children play at our house. Sil surely can’t argue with that and insist her children be allowed to break your things.

Hanuman · 30/12/2018 18:42

I would meet up at playgrounds/parks or at theirs

Louiselouie0890 · 30/12/2018 18:43

Visit them, keep them restricted to one room?

DeepanKrispanEven · 30/12/2018 18:52

If a niece or nephew trashed my house, they wouldn't be invited again till they learnt not to.

cuppycakey · 30/12/2018 18:59

Oh I had this shit with xSIL and her awful brood.

I refused to have them in the house and explained I couldn't afford to replace any more toys/doors/random items so we would meet them somewhere neutral like park instead.

MIL was furious but she already hated me so.........

LagunaBubbles · 30/12/2018 19:01

I amount of you telling them off will work if this is not being done at home. If your SIL went mad at them being told off not to run a car across a TV then there is no hope I'm afraid. Just tell them that due to this behaviour not being dealt with you can have them in your house.

PyongyangKipperbang · 30/12/2018 19:07

Just tell your brother you wont be inviting them to the house anymore, that you will meet them out and about somewhere, and tell him why. Make it quite clear that you will no longer have your possessions ruined and bad behaviour allowed and ignored and until it stops they are not welcome in your home.

Nothing is going to change unless they feel the consequences of their actions (or lack of). You will probably find that these are the kids that never get invited for a second play date.

WhereYouLeftIt · 30/12/2018 19:13

I would not have these children in my house. Or to be more precise, I would not have their parents in my house.

cees · 30/12/2018 19:18

Oh my they sound a nightmare. My sister seems to be heading this way with her child. He is very young just now but everything is 'that's not ok' rather then stop that. Seems to be a lot of parents around who don't parent their kids at all.

Touchmybum · 30/12/2018 19:19

Had to do it with a set of cousins. They grew out of it eventually.

BobLemon · 30/12/2018 19:20

EIGHT?! Kicking parents at EIGHT?!? FFS.

Shitmewithyourrhythmstick · 30/12/2018 19:23

What you're doing sounds like quite a lot more than just plain childproofing!

CatnissEverdene · 30/12/2018 19:24

My SIL was like this.

After one disastrous visit where her 2 boys ruined my new carpet by running all through the house in wellies from the back garden (running right past her), I banned DH from asking her again and we met halfway at a garden centre/park/pub.

Though that was just as bloody fraught and I spent most of the time wanting to hide under the table in case anyone thought they were my kids...............

LordPickle · 30/12/2018 19:28

It's up to their parents. I have an almost 2 yr old DS and when we visit friends (including one with small children who has loads of breakables) I am vigilant that my DS doesn't touch anything he could destroy.

You should not have to childproof and if the parents won't watch their kids then don't have them over.