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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think I shouldn’t have to childproof my house

64 replies

Soconfusedbylife · 30/12/2018 17:51

I have 2 children, 4 & 7. We have many nieces and nephews of varying ages 3-7 so not too different. However when they come to visit we have to child proof our house. Nieces and nephews will purposefully break toys, use them as weapons, tear up jigsaws and throw electronics.

I’m happy that my children will generally play nicely and whilst they will obviously squabble they have been taught to look after their toys or they go away or end up in the bin and not replaced (if broken). But when nieces and nephews come around we have to gather anything of value and hide it away. We also can’t leave them unsupervised so me or DH have to be with them all the time as their parents are happy to let their child/children destroy things because they’re only kids.

Ours love their cousins and live playing with them but obviously soon get bored of having their things trashed and want the house back to themselves.

How would you deal with this? We’ve reduced the amount of time we spend with them but it’s still so stressful.

OP posts:

Jiminybikkit · 30/12/2018 19:33

Meet elsewhere. I've had to do this with a relative. The last time they came to my house, the children trashed the place, squirted body lotion over the walls, broke a door handle,pulled pictures off walls, screamed in my newborn's face, flicked their fingers in her face, then smacked newborn on the bum when I put her in the sling to get her away from them. Wrestled all over my living room. Just generally yelled and screamed. Threw food on the floor because they wanted biscuits. I was three weeks post csection. It was horrific. Children in question were over the age of 5 and had no SN.

Original poster

Soconfusedbylife · 30/12/2018 19:36

I think we will have to meet on neutral ground. It’s just exhausting as it is now and one of my children always gets hurt and upset.

OP posts:

user1474894224 · 30/12/2018 19:38

You've just reminded me I need to get the light sabres out of my wardrobe where they were hidden to keep them away from a particularly spirited cousin. My strategies are to mostly host in the summer when kids can be kept outside. Meet up halfway at a pool, play centre, park etc Go to theirs when we can. Find a way to deal with it if you want to spend time with them.

Dragongirl10 · 30/12/2018 19:45

Op l wouldn't have them in my house! If asked l would say ' none of my business how you choose to parent, but l don't want things broken so lets meet somewhere else'...up to them how they respond.

Stop making it your problem hand it back to them....BTW IMO they are terrible parents.....if my child kicked me deliberately at the age of 8, l would smack them..( and l have never smacked my children)

AmIIntrouble · 30/12/2018 19:54

My solutions had been:

Reduced or no visits (depends on who)
No one go upstairs (we have a gate)
Put away the toys that are breakable
Turn on Netflix or game console
Any excuse that they can't stay long

AmIIntrouble · 30/12/2018 19:56

YANBU

thegreatbeyond · 30/12/2018 19:57

I would not have them in the house, either. My two year old doesn't behave like that.

Doyouneedthetoilet · 30/12/2018 20:14

If they want their children rampaging around the house and are happy for them to damage things, give the parents a warning. If they don't discipline the children then kick them out, it's not behaviour you have to put up with in your home. They'll probably run out of people to visit if they don't get it sorted.

Queenofthedrivensnow · 30/12/2018 20:17

Feel for you op. Not all kids are like that I have loads over to play here. Neutral is the way forward I think

Bertiebitch32 · 30/12/2018 20:26

It's so frustrating we used to have the same issue with our niece and nephew they would be climing over stair rails jumping on furniture like goats and breaking toys etc and sil and her boyfriend were just glued to there mobiles sat in silence, we twigged that they were only coming to stay for a few days every few weeks or so so they could get a break even if they were squashed on our bed settee. When dh would intervene his spoilt little sister didn't like it and would say oh your so grumpy your always telling the kids off! No shit Sherlock it's called parenting. Luckily for us we had a massive fall out and don't have to put up with it

Doubletrouble99 · 30/12/2018 21:01

We've just suffered similar. Bil's partner has a 6 yr old who is like this. We spent 5 days with them in the summer too! We have an ASD and ADHD son and I'm pretty sure this child has a degree of spectrum problems and or maybe ADHD but mum will have none if it. She says he is just showing off, especially when there are loads of family and friends around. But our DS does this when he is over stimulated and can be fine in smaller gatherings. The inconsistency in the parenting is really frustrating and the treating him like a little prince doesn't help!

ThePurpleFairy · 30/12/2018 22:09

I had this over the Christmas period with family’s DC (aged 2 and 5). Running all over the house screaming (including upstairs and in and out of bedrooms which I had shut the doors on purposefully), messing with electricals/switches, breaking door handles, throwing items into the blinds, bashing the TV, climbing on and launching themselves off my furniture... the list unfortunately goes on. DH eventually stepped in and told them off, which prompted a huge argument regarding his ‘tone’ and cue them packing up and storming off because apparently ‘we just don’t understand what it is like to be around young children’. I did wonder whether we were being a bit U in our expectations, but I am glad to see it is not just us that sees this as U behaviour

Mixedupmummy · 30/12/2018 22:23

We have this with friends and I really sympathise op. it must be really hard with family. it's not as easy as just telling them or not having them round. I find it really awkward and difficult and I'm a relatively forthright person. We do some things others have suggested. we keep visits to an absolutely minimum and for only short periods. I put away most toys and have a small selection of non breakable things out. keep the children in eye shot. keep them outside as much as possible... although that didn't work one time they broke a piece of gardening equipment despite being told to leave it alone several times.

BusyMum47 · 30/12/2018 22:24

Oh I feel your pain! Our 3 nieces were EXACTLY like this a few years ago - it made family visits to our house a bloody nightmare! We ended up saying stuff & just telling them off ourselves - couldn't watch our son's things being willfully trashed & chocolate cake being ground into our cream carpets for a single effing second longer!! Got to the point where we'd voluntarily do a 4hr round trip to see them at their house instead- worth every single motorway minute!! My SIL used to ask how come our son was so well behaved & much calmer than her 3....uh, it's called bloody parenting, FFS!!!!!!!

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