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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think once someone had been off work with stress

227 replies

User10002000 · 30/12/2018 14:13

For six weeks they are unlikely to return. I've got a colleague who's been off six weeks and we are all covering their work. We are unable to start a recruitment process as they are still being paid.

OP posts:
SemperIdem · 31/12/2018 19:29

I work in retail and whilst colleague level it would be easy to return (and be supported in doing so) from that length of time off, at manager level it is significantly less so and by the time you get to senior level management...well you might as well not bother. A kill mission will be in place on your return.

So, it depends on how pleasant the working environment is to start with, really.

WontonSoupForTheSoul · 31/12/2018 20:01

You can't sack or replace someone who's off stress you have to pay full wages too it's the law

You’re 100% wrong on both of these points.

exaltedwombat · 31/12/2018 20:23

If they find the job stressful, and they return to the same job... well, work it out for yourself.

Schmoobarb · 31/12/2018 20:26

A doctor wouldn’t sign them off for nothing

I don’t disagree with the rest of your post but that’s hopelessly naive. If you go to a doctor and burst into tears during your 6 minute or however long appointment and tell them you’re too unwell to attend work, just how much investigation into that do you think they’re going to be able to do, other than take you at your word? This is why getting OH assessment is a good idea for all parties.

Schmoobarb · 31/12/2018 20:27

You can't sack or replace someone who's off stress you have to pay full wages too it's the law.

No it isn’t

StealthPolarBear · 31/12/2018 21:09

Glad to hear it! What rubbish

di2004 · 31/12/2018 21:10

Whoever you are, you don’t sound too sympathetic. Put it this way - I wouldn’t like to be working with you with that sort of attitude.

WTFIsAGleepglorp · 31/12/2018 21:11

It is possible to make people redundant and if one or more of those people are off sick, as long as they're kept in the loop, the process is legally sound, they're not discriminated against with regards sick leave and they're given equal opportunities to apply for any post offered to staff facing redundancy, it's legal.

StealthPolarBear · 31/12/2018 21:26

And you can terminate them for sickness absence!

CardsforKittens · 31/12/2018 21:31

If you go to a doctor and burst into tears during your 6 minute or however long appointment and tell them you’re too unwell to attend work, just how much investigation into that do you think they’re going to be able to do, other than take you at your word?

If that's what your GP did you should change surgeries. This wasn't at all what happened when I was signed off.

eulmh · 31/12/2018 21:31

I was off for six weeks.
My son was diagnosed with adhd we were sorting medication which didn’t suit him in the end and it made me ill like seriously mentally poorly with worry and stress. Took him off it and whilst he had adhd he doesn’t have the rebound effects he was having so I’m less stressed. Don’t judge so much. Life is hard!

Schmoobarb · 31/12/2018 21:35

If that's what your GP did you should change surgeries. This wasn't at all what happened when I was signed off.

I’ve advised on HR for many years and also been signed off myself. I know full well how it goes! And I’m more than happy with my own doctor’s surgery, thanks!

Schmoobarb · 31/12/2018 21:40

And again, I’ve been told it myself by doctors that they can’t possibly conduct a full assessment into someone’s capability for work due to stress within the constraints of an NHS GP appointment. That’s where OH is useful, because they can devote more time to it.

notacooldad · 31/12/2018 22:01

CardsforKittens

If you go to a doctor and burst into tears during your 6 minute or however long appointment and tell them you’re too unwell to attend work, just how much investigation into that do you think they’re going to be able to do, other than take you at your word?

If that's what your GP did you should change surgeries. This wasn't at all what happened when I was signed off.
Blimey, that wasn't my expierence. I didn't go in and cry. Just explained everything, the appointment was more than 6 minutes. I was told to see her on a regular basis and she was extremely supportive. I was off for just iver 5 months and she said she wanted to have a chat before I went back to make sure I was ready.

CardsforKittens · 31/12/2018 22:14

notacooldad

I didn't go in and cry. Just explained everything, the appointment was more than 6 minutes. I was told to see her on a regular basis and she was extremely supportive.

Yes, that sounds more like my experience.

Original poster
User10002000 · 31/12/2018 22:17

I fully understand mental health issues. If your stress is work related and your job is the same that it's likely you will end off again even if you return which is my concern in this situation

OP posts:
ChristmasSprite · 31/12/2018 22:18

There's some odd commentary going on here.

Doctors do double appts for one thing, and if you are so stressed you burst into tears talking about your work situation clearly you're distressed by it. No doctor can 'see' whether you are losing sleep, for instance, but they listen to people in pain and suffering all day, pretty sure they can see when someone is really suffering and unless you're an actor, well....

Doctors can see the difference between someone thriving and on top of their game and someone looking stressed and overtired.

Also, I've not come across an employer that pays full pay for limitless duration of sick absence! Some only pay ssp from day 1 of sickness, and offer nothing more. Obviously often the more senior the role and greater length of service increases sick pay benefits from company.

Hope work load and management can be adjusted for any returning to work! But, yes, horribly the higher you get it seems the less tolerance, very cut-throat it can be.

planespotting · 31/12/2018 22:25

Not a great post. I am a very valued employee. I went through a big loss and was off. When I had healed I came back

I also broke a leg and was off for longer. If someone broke a bone would you start this post?

Shame

notacooldad · 31/12/2018 22:26

I fully understand mental health issues. If your stress is work related and your job is the same that it's likely you will end off again even if you return which is my concern in this situation

I was of with work related stress. I won't go into too many details but after 18 months of sometimes subtle and sometimes obvious bullying I finally snapped. As I said I had a very supportive doctor who said she was absolutely sick of hearing the same stories of managers bullying and people who had been doing the for years successfully being pushed out.
Higher management got involved and I said I would never set foot in that department again. Lo behold they found me a different team to work in. The problem unbelievely wasn't addressed and since then another nine ( I kid you not ) have gone off sick for six months or longer and then left.
So yes, you are right the issues need to be addressed.

Original poster
User10002000 · 31/12/2018 22:29

My colleague is off with work related stress and our job isn't going to change unfortunately however long they are off. I would imagine the longer you are off with work related stress the harder it is to return. I've been very supportive of them.

OP posts:
JustOneShadeOfGrey · 01/01/2019 00:55

Don’t be ridiculous. Stress is as serious as any illness. You can’t put a number of weeks on it. If the same person had a gaping wound on their head would you be saying this?

Picknickers · 01/01/2019 02:52

You are being very judgemental. It takes 6 weeks for anti-depressants to start working. Mental health is as valid as physical and you stating that your colleague being off puts strain on you will make them feel more anxious. Have some empathy.

Yura · 01/01/2019 06:30

To all the ones complaining about the OP being unsympathetic, i invite them to do an extra 20% of work unpaid, potentially during evenings and weekends.... And if people are in the wrong job, that just isn’t going to change (we have a colleague who is repeatedly off with stress - she is already in the least stressful job possible for her position. its not going to change, we’ll have to do her work and give her the recognition for work she never did to not stress her out ... no chance for a temp, she’s only ever off 4 weeks at a time and its been going on for years. No doubt she is genuinely suffering, but it isn’t a great situation!

MissWilmottsGhost · 01/01/2019 06:38

In the NHS, sick people are allowed 6 months leave at full pay, then it goes down to half pay

Play it right and you get six months off every year

I worked for the NHS for 20 years and knew no one who did that. Those who had time off for stress needed it badly, they did not abuse the system, they returned to work when they were well.

What a horrible attitude to have Hmm

CaptainMarvelDanvers · 01/01/2019 07:50

In my experience people going off with work related stress is usually down to management issues and toxic work environments.

I put in my notice in my previous job as the Interim CEO was a strange man who played weird mind games while doing no work and passing it on to junior staff members. I fully expected to work my notice and pass on the details I needed to but instead of letting me do that he start sending demands for new pieces of work with really short time limits (think an hour deadline for a 2 hour piece of work) while expecting me to do my normal work. I couldn’t cope and ended up having a panic attack and crying in the office so I signed off sick and it just happened that I had enough sick leave to cover my notice. He went round afterwards saying I played the system. Fucking knob head wanker, he made me think about jumping off a bridge on my walk to work every morning.