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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think once someone had been off work with stress

227 replies

User10002000 · 30/12/2018 14:13

For six weeks they are unlikely to return. I've got a colleague who's been off six weeks and we are all covering their work. We are unable to start a recruitment process as they are still being paid.

OP posts:
Freewheelin74 · 30/12/2018 21:50

Schmoobarb, I could have used you and your imput a year ago! Lol. They were total dicks. No thought of duty of care! I hope I don't sound too bitter! Lol

Totaldogsbody · 30/12/2018 22:02

As someone who was disparaging of people with so called stress/anxiety/depression until it happened to me I can say its very real and not something I would wish for anyone. To say that they should let you know if they're not coming back is a ridiculous statement. You may be able to say someone with the flu will be back in a week or two but MH problems can't be thought of in these terms. Everyone is different and every illness affects everyone differently. Show your co worker some support a nice bunch of flowers from her colleagues and more importantly understanding will go a long way.

CherryGlaze · 30/12/2018 22:12

totaldogsbody you’re mixing stress and anxiety with depression- depression is a mental illness, stress is not (unless Cards and Snap are coming back to direct me to something which says it is).

The OP has not been disparaging of her colleague at all, but of their senior management.

Personally I find touchmybum a bit jaded. To say that you ‘will get signed off’ if you don’t like the way you’re being managed is not in the spirit of the employment contract

Totaldogsbody · 30/12/2018 22:42

CherryGlaze I'm not mixing these up anxiety, stress, depression are all mental health issues and very real to the people affected by them. Anxiety and stress can lead to depression. The OP is BVU asking that if a colleague off with stress can somehow magically make that stress disappear or if not perhaps give their job up so that the OP and other colleagues can be relieved of the extra work burden. Who can afford to give up a job perhaps the OP will give up hers? Unfortunately we live in a world that is becoming increasingly selfish and people no longer give a monkeys about anyone else

Ameliablue · 30/12/2018 22:46

6 weeks isn't very long, they could easily be off for six months and still come back.

Thewifipasswordis · 30/12/2018 22:47

3 months is a normal period of sickleave. Stop being an arsehole OP. If they're genuinely unwell you are being a knob.

Charley50 · 30/12/2018 23:04

My colleague was off for about 8 weeks with stress a couple of years ago. She came back and she's fine.

CardsforKittens · 30/12/2018 23:46

I'm sure it's true that stress is not inevitably a mental illness. My job is a high stress job and people are signed off with stress from time to time. I thrive on the 'normal' stress of the job, but when a colleague became unwell and threatened me repeatedly with physical violence I found this quite different stress overwhelming and it caused both physical and mental symptoms that led to an inability to work, so my doctor signed me off with stress. I think the description was reasonable. What do others think my GP should have diagnosed? Genuine question; I'm no longer stressed (my colleague is now well medicated and I'm now back at work).

notangelinajolie · 30/12/2018 23:53

I don't think you can put a time on this. A relative has been off work for the best part of this year with anxiety. They are now working one day a week with a phased return to work. It could take months but they fully expect to be back working full time.

CherryGlaze · 31/12/2018 00:01

totaldogsbody sorry I didn’t mean at all to say that stress wasn’t real, I say it is in my post above. But stress and anxiety can lead to depression- they are not the same thing

If stress isn’t managed properly, it can lead to an illness, perhaps a breakdown

My original qu was about trying to understand what makes people feel that their stress is such that they cannot actually physically get to work that day, or work from home, or work shorter hours, or agree a reduced workload etc before actually absenting themselves for weeks and weeks

I now understand there can be some physical symptoms including migraines, diarrhoea etc. Perhaps they are tearful and sensitive at work etc.

At that stage they should flag up the issue to their employer and alert them to the fact that a stressor needs to be addressed. If it isn’t, they are at risk of eg having a breakdown or a serious depressive episode

What I still don’t understand is when someone is still at the stage of being stressed that being away from the office doesn’t resolve the situation within a week or two.

So in the Walker v Northumberland case, the chap went back to work in March after 4 months for an actual breakdown, found that nothing had changed as he’d been promised, became stressed again and even then was able to have two weeks’ holiday in August, after which he felt much better

However, because nothing had changed and in fact was getting worse, he had another breakdown and was eventually signed off permanently

So why you would need 10, 12, 16 weeks off if you haven’t been diagnosed with something quite serious, I’m not sure

Many of us are coping with stress and anxiety, including me. It’s a normal part of life. (HRT has actually helped with the anxiety I was experiencing)

Not sure why the OP is suddenly getting so much stick. She’s being dumped on by her bosses despite being entitled to the same care as then colleague who is off

Severide08 · 31/12/2018 00:06

@StealthPolarBear yes it is as an employee .But that employee may have something going on outside of work then combine stress at work .Every copes differently what i am saying is even the toughest employee can become overwhelmed .

Severide08 · 31/12/2018 00:06

Everyone.

CherryGlaze · 31/12/2018 00:14

Blimey cards that’s awful.

You’d have been within your rights to stay away from work whether you had GP sign off or not, surely...no one should have to work in fear of a colleague. It goes without saying that would be stressful!

Again, up to employer to balance duty of care to you and the sick colleague

CardsforKittens · 31/12/2018 00:22

Thanks Cherry. It was really distressing at the time but fortunately it has a happy ending because management handled it really well and we're both back at work having received the help we needed. I'm still slightly wary but actually my colleague is really good at the job so I'm glad we can still work together.

Original poster
User10002000 · 31/12/2018 11:23

as I've said the issue isn't with my colleague per say. I'm not a bad colleague and have been supportive of them. I will be rising the issue with hr.

OP posts:
LakieLady · 31/12/2018 11:53

My original qu was about trying to understand what makes people feel that their stress is such that they cannot actually physically get to work that day, or work from home, or work shorter hours, or agree a reduced workload etc before actually absenting themselves for weeks and weeks

In my case, I got to the point where I had a panic attack every time the phone rang, and constant palpitations. Then, one morning, I couldn't leave the house because it gave me the absolute terrors and couldn't stop crying. A friend had to come to the doctor's with me, just to get me out of my front door and into the surgery.

I was off for 4 months, and when I was asked to come to a meeting about my absence after 3 months, I completely freaked out. I couldn't even walk past the end of the street I worked in. I was very well supported by my union, who insisted on a very gentle phased return. I also had counselling and CBT.

Saj1988 · 31/12/2018 17:57

It seems to me that if a doctor signs you off with stress it is usually for a one month minimum which is reviewed and then extended if necessary. 6 weeks is not long for a stress related illness and if someone returns to work too quickly it is possible they will relapse. In addition, if antidepressants are prescribed, there can be unpleasant side effects for the first few weeks so it is common for people to be off work whilst they adjust to medication. When someone returns to work they should be offered help to get back to normal duties and not necessarily be expected to take on all their previous workload immediately.

DRE56322 · 31/12/2018 18:15

I had a colleague who seemed to have it all together. Unfortunately and not known to anybody, she had a horrific personal life, and went off with stress for 6 months. Came back just fine after addressing some personal problems.

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant · 31/12/2018 18:17

I was covering for one who went in sick leave for 3-4 months at a time in three consecutive years.

She is still working there and going back in sick leave due to stress at the time of the year her workload peaks. I have found another job as I was tired of doing her job and mine every single year.

TheCherries · 31/12/2018 18:51

Had your colleague met with occupational health? Have the triggers been looked into, have they received support by the company?

Sounds as if you have all written them off and the poor thing is not going to be supported on a return

SnuggyBuggy · 31/12/2018 18:52

Surely if going off with stress keeps happening and nothing changes its time to consider another job

Lifestyleinlondon88 · 31/12/2018 18:54

I’m off with work related stress at the moment and due back at the end of January and I have every intention of going back. I understand you’re feeling the pressure but imagine what they were feeling to actually get signed off with it. A doctor wouldn’t sign them off for nothing. Maybe they won’t come back and maybe they will, until they decide you’ll just have to carry on or talk with HR about the added pressure the team is having, bringing a suggestion such as a temp with you as a solution. I am sorry you’re feeling stressed from the extra work but I also have my sympathy with your colleague. Stress can make you very poorly, mental health is just as important as a physical illness and should be treated as such.

acegod · 31/12/2018 18:54

You can't sack or replace someone who's off stress you have to pay full wages too it's the law. Get some temp staff to help with the work load. If you can't sit down business. I am thinking your a small business with limited funds. Trying to find reason to replace this staff.

lily2403 · 31/12/2018 18:56

I used to work with someone who played the system would be off for the exact time she would get full pay come back for required tome then off again. Went on for a few years I picked up all the slack by the time they were offering her a package to leave I had made two jobs into one was hard, but like you we could not get anyone in to help so it was either get it done or get stressed myself

StealthPolarBear · 31/12/2018 19:17

"acegod

You can't sack or replace someone who's off stress you have to pay full wages too it's the law"
Which law? That doesn't sound right to me.