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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think once someone had been off work with stress

227 replies

User10002000 · 30/12/2018 14:13

For six weeks they are unlikely to return. I've got a colleague who's been off six weeks and we are all covering their work. We are unable to start a recruitment process as they are still being paid.

OP posts:
Nacreous · 30/12/2018 14:15

One of my colleagues was off for 3 months, came back, saw out another 8 months while they looked for a job that wasn't even worse than their current one and then left. So it's not definite, though I don't know if that's helpful or not!

PurpleDaisies · 30/12/2018 14:16

They could still come back. Was there a specific trigger? If that was sorted out it would be easier for them to return.

GaryBaldbiscuit · 30/12/2018 14:17

Six weeks is not long

notacooldad · 30/12/2018 14:17

I had 5 months off with work related stress. I went back and I'm still there!

Abibranning · 30/12/2018 14:17

I was off for 12 weeks, it was hard to come back, but given the right support and encouragement I did it. I don't think there's any reason to assume they won't come back as for replacing them, that's completely out of the question and hardly supportive.

cheesywotnots · 30/12/2018 14:18

I hope your colleague is feeling better, I hope they are getting the support they need.

PurpleDaisies · 30/12/2018 14:18

I agree, your post doesn’t exactly make you sound like the most supportive employer.

Suomynona · 30/12/2018 14:18

Our Manager has recently returned from almost a year off. Albeit part-time now.

Chapterandverse · 30/12/2018 14:19

I've a colleague who has been off since June with stress.

Another whose sick line went in on December 5 for 4 weeks

And yet another who calls in sick every few days.

It's the 3rd colleague who causes more hassle as at least we know the other two aren't coming in. With the 3rd he lets us all down and adds more work.

Cheby · 30/12/2018 14:19

It depends what the cause of the stress is. If it’s work-related stress, then I think you’re probably right. Not in every case, of course. But IME when people have extended absences like this they come back for short periods before going off again and eventually leave or contract terminated on health grounds. Without a significant change in working circumstances/role they are unlikely to make a successful return.

If the stress is due to a combination of issues, maybe bereavement or relationship breakdown, maybe in combination with work, then I think they very well could make a successful return to work once those things are resolved.

SusanneLinder · 30/12/2018 14:19

Nope. I was off with stress once ( many years back), for 3 months.
If anything the employer should be looking to support the employee.
Moaning about not being able to start a recruitment process? Would you do that if they had cancer? Why should MH issues be treated differently?
This is an appalling post.

SauvignonBlanche · 30/12/2018 14:20

YABU, what a strange assumption.

Outwards · 30/12/2018 14:22

YABU, are you not concerned about your colleague??

CardsforKittens · 30/12/2018 14:22

I think after a year people are less likely to return. A few weeks is probably not an indication. Most people who need time off for stress need a few weeks. Whether they return might depend on the cause of the stress.

cheesywotnots · 30/12/2018 14:22

Maybe when people go off with stress it's because of the work, their colleagues, bullying, or the work environment, management should be looking into the reasons. Employers don't like it when staff get signed off sick with work related stress.

CMOTDibbler · 30/12/2018 14:24

DH had nearly a year off, had a gradual return to work under OH advice, and hasn't had a day off in the 7 years since. He'd had a 'perfect storm' of things happen which triggered it, so don't judge what might happen

CardsforKittens · 30/12/2018 14:25

Meant to say need a minimum of a few weeks. One week wouldn't normally be enough. Three to six months is quite normal.

recklessruby · 30/12/2018 14:25

At our place you are allowed 6 months off with full pay and 3 months half pay. Don't know what you'll think of that, OP.
Someone with stress can get well with support but it's not like a cold that goes in a week
Also a phased return (part time) to work could help.
Be careful of trying to recruit to fill their place. What does HR say?
Like a pp I think mental health problems should be treated the same as physical health problems at work. Stress isn't fun.

Original poster
User10002000 · 30/12/2018 14:25

I didn't say I wasn't concerned about them of course I am. The increase in the work load is hard for us all to cope with. It's work related stress.

OP posts:
ScreamingValenta · 30/12/2018 14:25

No, I have known people off longer than that who have come back - with the right support - and been fine.

Justgivemesomepeace · 30/12/2018 14:25

My boss was off from nov-april, then july to now. Im assured shes coming back after new year. 6 weeks is nothing.

hidinginthenightgarden · 30/12/2018 14:27

2 people at my place of work took 6 & 4 months off. Both came back.

NerrSnerr · 30/12/2018 14:27

One of my colleagues has been off for 8 months with depression.

It would be awful to consider recruitment until the person has handed in notice (or agreed with HR to leave).

Bombardier25966 · 30/12/2018 14:27

Are you employer or a colleague? If the employer, what are you doing to resolve the stress issue?

pollypocket85 · 30/12/2018 14:29

OP - if it's that bad then get a temp in to help cover the workload. Don't blame the poor person who is off with stress! There is something clearly wrong in your department if the workload cannot be shared out equally and not interfere with the current demands. Managers are paid to deal and manage issues such as these. Perhaps workload priorities need to be changed to accommodate the current gap.