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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think once someone had been off work with stress

227 replies

User10002000 · 30/12/2018 14:13

For six weeks they are unlikely to return. I've got a colleague who's been off six weeks and we are all covering their work. We are unable to start a recruitment process as they are still being paid.

OP posts:

xJessica · 30/12/2018 15:08

DH was off for 4 months 13 years ago and 2 months when our DD was born extremely prematurely and 9 years later he's still there. 6 weeks is no time at all.

Sparklesocks · 30/12/2018 15:19

I had a colleague off for 6 months due to stress.
She came back, starting as a phased return and now she’s back and doing well. The only difference is our manager checks in with her more to make sure she’s handling her workload OK.

In the big scheme of things 6 weeks isn’t that long, and recruitment could only start if they handed in their notice or HR took further measures.

Nineoutoftenducks · 30/12/2018 15:19

I mentored I guy who was returning from work related stress, he came back and stayed until he retired. The company were pretty supportive.

Beatitudes · 30/12/2018 15:20

What steps is your employer taking to ensure you don't end up ill with work-related stress, given that you're expected to do this additional work ? Sounds like poor management.

DianaT1969 · 30/12/2018 15:27

I worked with someone for 15 months. Just two of us in a small office with strict timescales and a heavy workload. She could drive to work (15 mins) and our office environment was very pleasant. She went sick for 4-10 days each month. A total of 65 days off sick plus her holiday entitlement in that 15 month period. Stress/anxiety related. Although the reasons she gave each time varied from migraine, stomach upset, ear infection etc. I had to cover her work as well as my own as it wasn't something a temp could learn quickly. She dropped the ball on lots of things as she was rarely in the office to see things through. The toll on me that year was terrible. Each time she'd come back to work bright and breezy and looking great. No sense of what impact her absence had on me. Her stress was (I believe) triggered by two abusive relationships that she was hanging on to. Exacerbated by an unhealthy lifestyle. It was a small company and she was the only one who smoked, didn't exercise, ate crap food constantly and had weekend alcohol binges.
I'm still perplexed as to why she thought her absences had no impact on other people. I left shortly after her, as I was burnt out. She was paid more than me for a similar role, so I didn't I feel like working for that company longer than I had to.
I do feel sorry for her future colleagues.
While I sympathise with anyone who has a breakdown - I've been close and had family members with MH issues - I do wantbto give an insight into what it's like for for the colleagues of someone with high absenteeism. Sometimes high absenteeism can't be helped. But not being able to fill the vacancy is hard on the team left behind. For anyone not going back to a small team, due to the job itself, the unselfish thing to do would be to find a job that suits. We aren't all cut out for pressurised jobs. I know what it is to be bullied too - I made a log of it and was ready to jump ship if improvements weren't made. They were, so I managed to stay in that role a few years longer. There's no easy answer, but hanging on to a job you don't plan to go back to, can take a toll on others.

PumpkinPie2016 · 30/12/2018 15:29

I wouldn't necessarily assume they won't come back! Although they have work related stress it could be that something else tipped the balance, meaning they became unable to cope.

They need support to return.

allwalkedout · 30/12/2018 15:30

I can see why people have got their backs up. I don’t think OP has expressed herself very well. The OP is a bit blunt and lacking in sympathy but that doesn’t mean OO doesn’t feel it. Her point about being overworked is valid; just poorly written.

OP, I hope you are understanding h of MH issues and I hope the company sort out your work load. I ha e known lots of people with work related stress who recover well and return.

C8H10N4O2 · 30/12/2018 15:31

For six weeks they are unlikely to return

Yes YABU. It depends on the extent of the illness, its causes and what is put in place to support the return to work. If its work related stress (as you suggest) then it needs addressing in the workplace.

We get a high rate of successful return by having a decenet HR process which encourages people to take the time they need, provides a phased return and an independent support service to help them. This has enabled me to keep a couple of very valuable staff suffering from serious life crises in the last couple of years whom I would otherwise have lost.

We are unable to start a recruitment process as they are still being paid

Take that up with your employer - its their fault and responsibility, not their victim's. You might point out that it is creating additional workload stress on the remaining staff.

RochelleGoyle · 30/12/2018 15:32

YABU, very.

cuppycakey · 30/12/2018 15:35

I think what we are all trying to say OP is don't blame/look towards your colleague as the cause of your overwork.

This is your manager/employers fault/problem. Stop taking up the slack and they might do something about covering the work temporarily.

PyongyangKipperbang · 30/12/2018 15:36

I used to work somewhere that was like this.....someone off with work related stress so they just made us all work harder thereby increasing our stress until someone else would go off. In the end one department was 4 people down before they agreed to employ some temps. Needless to say their turnover was very high.

umpteennamechanges · 30/12/2018 15:37

I had a period of 12-18 months where I was off for 3 months in October - December and then the following year off for another 4 months.

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder during this time but the GP put 'stress' on the certificate as I wasn't sure whether or not to disclose it. They often put 'stress' when there is a MH illness.

I went back to work and have been back for several years now with no further time off other than a week or two here and there.

YANBU to wonder about it given that it increases your own workload however PLEASE be supportive to your colleague.

It's not their fault that they are ill, they are already having a horrible time and unsupportive colleagues will make everything worse. In fact, if they're off with stress or a MH issue unsupportive colleagues could make things much worse for them (and consequently could lead to them needing more time off).

If the workload is unmanageable while your colleague is off the management team need to deal with it, that's what they're paid for!

umpteennamechanges · 30/12/2018 15:42

...and being told you can't recruit while someone is off sick as they're still being paid is a management decision. The management are choosing to make you cover someone's work rather than pay additional.

We all get ill at some point, whether mental or physical illness, so please try to be thoughtful re: your colleague and consider how you would like to be treated if you were genuinely ill. MH issues are really very, very hard.

HollyBollyBooBoo · 30/12/2018 15:43

Of course they could still come back! 6 weeks is nothing.

MereDintofPandiculation · 30/12/2018 15:43

In the NHS, sick people are allowed 6 months leave at full pay, then it goes down to half pay.

Play it right and you get six months off every year. Unlikely - if it's like other public sector work, it's 6months every x years - what tends to happen is that you get back to work, and for the next two years any other illness you may have is unpaid.

ikltownofboothlehem · 30/12/2018 15:46

I was off for 10 weeks with MH issues. Every time I phoned work I said how guilty I felt for being off and putting work on other colleagues. Every time I was told not to worry, it was their problem and to get well.

Get back into work and is triggered the absence 'disciplinary' target. The HR guy spent most of the meeting telling me I'd put the team under incredible strain, how I'd affected morale. I'm this close to being dismissed.

I thought maybe they should wonder why one person (me) can manage to do 1/3 of the work of a team of 20 on her own rather than relying on me to do it all the time.

Except I said nothing of course. I'm still not well but pretend I am.

WaterOffaDucksCrack · 30/12/2018 15:48

It's totally unfair that you and your colleagues are having to take on so much extra work. It will just lead to more people being stressed! Temp cover needs to be found as a minimum.

The OP can be as sympathetic as they like but it doesn't decrease their workload. It isn't the fault of the stressed person but down to bad management. The only time it's taken the piss for me personally was when numerous colleagues cited stress as a reason to have 1 or 2 weeks off for christmas when we work in care. Genuine stress can last months and months, you shouldn't be expected to pick up the slack that long. 6 weeks is usually the bare minimum. I'd say 6 months is more usual.

disneyspendingmoney · 30/12/2018 15:51

I returned to work after being off for 3 whole months, five months earlier I had been off for a month.

I was determined to recover and go back, the very first day was incredibly challenging. walking through the door into my department and to my desk was terrifying, it's almost like starting a new job, but knowing everyone and they know you've not been there

12548ehe9fnfobms · 30/12/2018 16:00

This is not true BTW - In the NHS, sick people are allowed 6 months leave at full pay, then it goes down to half pay.
Play it right and you get six months off every year.

Sausagerollers · 30/12/2018 16:01

Does anyone know how stress leave is supposed to be covered in a school?
My dc's year group have this issue. Teacher off with stress, no funds to pay for a replacement whilst teacher is off.
Currently the class has spent the last 6 weeks being covered by TAs with the odd supply teacher thrown in.
TAs aren't doing their usual job of supporting the kids they've been employed to support, leaving other classes understaffed & facing difficulties. Also aren't qualified teachers, so lessons aren't planned &/or following curriculum.
Concerns have been raised with the Head, but they have stated that there simply aren't the funds to recruit & the teacher could be back next week (said for 5 weeks).
If the teacher hasn't returned after Xmas, what should happen in this scenario?

missbattenburg · 30/12/2018 16:06

I know someone who was off for about 3/4 months and came back to fulfill the role, very well, for several more years - even throughout a stressful time in the company.

Dollymixture22 · 30/12/2018 16:08

Sausage - I would be surprised is stress leave was covered in any difference e way than all other types of sick absemce??

I am also shocked that you know the nature of this teachers illness. The school appear to have breached her privacy. Very unprofessional.

notacooldad · 30/12/2018 16:08

This is not true BTW - In the NHS, sick people are allowed 6 months leave at full pay, then it goes down to half pay.
Play it right and you get six months off every year.
Of course HR are never going to pick up this pattern and investigate

SnuggyBuggy · 30/12/2018 16:11

I sympathize OP. I've been in situations where I've had to do the work of 2-3 people due to absences and it's shit.

linziepie · 30/12/2018 16:12

i have a colleague who goes off for two months every year. Her stress seems to get better once her sickness allowance runs out.

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