To aak if you want your ds to turn out like your DH?

[lizzlebizzle33]

DH and I have 2 ds, age 2 and 1, it's been a very tough few years and I think we have drifted apart.
I really want to make it work because I do love him but he can be so horrible (during an argument( he is lazy around the house, short tempered. Forgetful and often selfish.

It occurred to me the other day that I do not want our kids to turn out like him, but that then led me to thinking what that means. Do I even love him if I don't want my sons to be like him? Surely boys should look up to their father.

It's made me question a lot of things. Have any of you ever felt like this? Am I normal?

I don’t think that is normal, OP. I would be thrilled if my kids turned out exactly like my DH, because he is a brilliant man. I think it’s fine if there are a couple of traits you would rather they didn’t pick up, but if his overall persona is one you would hate for them to have I think it’s a sign he’s not a great person.

No, but then I don’t want my daughters to turn out like me either.

It wouldn’t be the end of the world if they did though.

I would want my DS to turn out like my husband, yes.

I felt the same way towards my partner as you have described here. I have two sons, older than yours and I didn't want them normalising his behaviour and thinking it was ok to be disrespectful to women.

After many, many rows, break ups, makes ups, drama, etc. I decided enough was enough. The last thing he did was shout at me to fuck off when he was bathing out 3 year old. I kicked him out and haven't looked back.

for you. It all sounds very difficult.

I'm sorry if this isn't what you want to hear OP but I hope my DS turns out like my DH because he's wonderful. If I didn't feel he was a good role model to our DC I wouldn't be with him.

"he can be so horrible (during an argument( he is lazy around the house, short tempered. Forgetful and often selfish."

Not great father or partner material, then

My DH has lots of good qualities that I hope DS will share with a few improvements from me

Absolutely. I'd be delighted if he did, that's why I chose to have children with him.

I would love both my DS to turn out like by DP - in fact I'd be delighted as he's a good role model for them. I think it would be an unusual situation if someone didn't want that and it would make me question why.

I want DS to be his own person but I hope that he takes on many of DH's great qualities and is as good a partner and father in the future as DH is.

Surely you always want your kids Tobe better than you ( both)?

Definitely not. I'm grateful he's much more like his step father of 17 years.

I definitely would love if my DS turned out like DH. He’s happy, kind, caring, successful and very balanced!! That’s why I married him 👍😍 and I would also be happy if my DD turned out like me 😂

Agree with fairylight, I hope they are an improvement.

Yes I'd love DS to turn out like DH, ideally maybe a bit more happy go lucky and less anxious, a bit more optimistic (for his own happiness) but in general I'd be proud if he was like DH. (It goes without saying that I want DS to be his own person and do his own thing not become an identical copy of DH but I do think DH is a good role model).

In some ways yes, in other ways no. He's probably say the same thing if asked did he want them to turn out like me.

If ds turned out like dh I would be happy.

Yes please
Not like me! I would be so happy if he turned up like DH.

Yes please
Not like me! I would be so happy if he turned up like DH.
I told MIL and she cried 🤭

I would be proud if DS turned out like DH. That’s why I chose to have a family with him.

In an ideal world I'd hope they drank a little less, but in general if my DSes turned out like DH, I would be very proud and feel I'd done a good job. If that were not true, I'd be seriously wondering why I was with him.

No. My DP knows his weaknesses, sometimes short tempered, lacks confidence, afraid to take risks for example. He was brought up by people in a different age with their own issues which my DH has had to work through . I think that we’re parenting in a more conscious way and hoping that children can grow up with better self belief and not need to work on self so much.

I absolutely would. My DH is amazing.

I don’t have any DC yet but can’t imagine having children with someone who is such a negative role model that you wouldn’t want your DC to be like them! I hope that if I have DC then they turn out every bit as wonderful as DH is (and as pp said, with some improvements from me)

There will always be traits in yourself and in your partner that you would prefer for your DC not to pick up (I.e. my DH is the faffiest person ever, he takes ten years to do one small task). However these are things that we have picked up from our own upbringings and parents and are minor things in comparison to big red flags such as being disrespectful, lazy, entitled etc. I would seriously question why I was with someone who could impact or influence my DC’s personality so negatively.

Yes. DH is kind, hard working, loving. He’s a great husband and father. If my DS is just like his Daddy I will be very proud.

Hmm, tricky one as you know your DH good and bad points and I suppose unrealistically I'd want DS to only have his good points my DH can be a bit pessimistic but trys not to be infront of DS so he doesn't copy. I can be anxious so same again.
What are your DHs good points? Are you seeing only the bad ones because you don't like him anymore. He does sound a bit of an arse.
I would also hope DS is an improvement on us both, learns from our mistakes but that's a big ask. People are only humans and not perfect.