AIBU to think cosleeping leads to bad sleepers?

[Mrsharper88]

The mums I have chatted to who promote cosleeping seem to complain about their children being bad sleepers. This seems to be until their children are at least toddlers if not even older. This leads me to believe that cosleeping makes bad sleep patterns in babies and toddlers, and does not promote sleeping through. Am I wrong?

For context I am currently cosleeping with my 12week old out of necessity as I can't get him to settle any other way. My older child did not need to cosleep but did need rocking to sleep, this was something he grew out of naturally. My understanding is that children don't grow out of the need to cosleep naturally and I am creating bad habits and should persevere with helping baby to sleep on his own

So Aibu to think that cosleeping leads to a bad sleeper?

It is a bit cause and effect really. My DD2 was a dreadful sleeper, so we co-slept. She continued to be a dreadful sleeper. I think she just was though.

Most people end up co sleeping because their baby is a terrible sleeper...

We stopped co-sleeping at 3yo. It was a very hot August and DS transferred into his own bed without difficulty and has slept through the night since night one. In fact he slept through the night co-sleeping, too.

We all like co-sleeping and being all snuggled up together. We have one child and we are sticking to one child. We have had no one iota of criticism from anyone about co-sleeping, not that we discussed it with many people.

Friends whose DC went straight into a cot now have shocking sleepers. But the plural of 'anecdote' isn't 'data'.

Mine grew out of the need to co sleep, and turned into the most rock solid, put him anywhere, sleep through fireworks, sleep even when ill, kind of child you could find.

Oh and my bad sleeper who I co slept with did grow out of the need to co sleep by herself. She was around 18 months. Try not to worry!

I coslept for around 14 months as it was the only way to settle DS. He is now 2.3 and in his own cot all night. It took toll he was 18 months old for him to be able to sleep through and self soothe- he just wasn’t ready before then.

Do whatever works for you.

I co slept under 6 months as I was breastfeeding and it was the only way I could survive. At 6 months I became stricter with both children and wouldn't do night feeding, both became impeccable sleepers from 8 months, haven't had issues since (children now).

Well I think YANBU but I'm sure plenty will think you are.

The people that I know that have coslept have had real problems getting their children to sleep in their own bed (way past the toddler stage) and kids that are bad sleepers generally but the people that have put their kids in their own beds from day 1 have had good sleepers, myself included. So from what I have known I agree with you.

Meh. My eldest loved his own space from birth and never settled properly with co-sleeping. He went through the night from about 5 months and continues to be an awesome sleeper.
My youngest would only settle if he had contact so co-slept with us full time until he was a year. Until about 18 months he would then settle in his own bed until around 2am,at which point he'd come in with us. From about 18 months ish he went straight through and now at 5 has been known on occasion to sleep from 7.30pm until 10am.
The big one never sleeps past about 7am.
It's a sweeping generalisation.

Out of my three children, I co-slept with two of them until 6 months. The first was in Moses basket first and then own room from quite early on. All of them have turned out to be great sleepers but I sleep trained them all at around 6 months and have always been strict about bedtimes. Have always let them into my bed if they wake up in the night wanting me though.
I think the key is being strict about ensuring they have good sleep habits! I don’t think co-sleeping in itself is the problem.

It's not that simple. If it was, everyone would do exactly the same thing and we'd all have perfect babies who sleep.

This is my fear! ATM it’s the only way anyone gets sleep but I really don’t want her in my bed forever

No, having bad sleepers causes bad sleepers. If your child is a good sleeper then you will be able to put them in their own bed from day one. It’s a self fulfilling prophecy.
People who cosleep tend to do so because their child will not go into their own bed.

It’s a bit chicken and egg - lots of people end up co-sleeping as they have a bad sleeper so regardless of what they did it’s likely the toddler/child would end up a bad sleeper anyway.

We co-slept with both, first one was in own bed from 2 years and sleeps like an angel still now at 10.5. 2nd one is nearly 9 and frequently in our bed still, he’s just naturally not a good sleeper (same as me, my brother and my mum......). Co-sleeping was easier for us but I think whatever we’d done they’d be the same now

Co slept with all of mine, still cosleeping with dd 20 month's. My other two are excellent sleepers, since 18 months - 2 years they've slept alone, all night. I'm sure dd will get it soon as well!

I co slept with Dc1 - always been a fab sleeper, slept through from 7 weeks old. Was just me and DC so seemed easier to have her in bed.

DC2 only started sleeping through at 9 months, he’s used crib then cot.

You get a good sleeper or a shit sleeper. Most people with shit sleepers try co-sleeping.

Not every toddler co-sleep with parents.

YABU- some kids are just bad sleepers. One of My cosleepers was the best of my 3, but my other one was the worst.

I co slept with both of my children until they were 2yrs old. Both were, and have always been, good sleepers.

I think it's mostly chicken and egg too, many people don't start off cosleeping, it's what they end up doing when nothing else works. We didn't cosleep much with DS, only when teething was at its worst, but had to with DD as it was the only way she'd sleep. DS is still a better sleeper than DD but the cosleeping has nothing to do with it, he's just naturally a much deeper sleeper!

I co slept for the first 6 months until DD went in her own room. This involved me going to bed at 7.30 too and feeding to sleep! But it was anything in order to get some sleep at that stage. Had to do a bit of sleep training (gradual retreat) to get her to sleep in the cot without me but she has since been a great sleeper. Used to wake once in the night for a feed until about 13 months and then has slept through the night ever since.

I co slept with all mine. Ds1 was a bad sleeper. Still is aged 12. Ds2 was a wonderful sleeper. Still is aged 9. Ds3 is a bit in between, but no major issues. And it was amazing throughout the breastfeeding years.

The research shows at six, co-sleeper's children were better sleepers.

Sleep training etc helps the Parent cope, but doesn't make the child a better sleeper.

The reaserch around sleep also shows that we have our sleep patterns from in the womb and whilst you can Influence them, you don't really change them.

I think most co-sleeper's are responding to their children's need.

I come from a Cultural Co-sleeping background. It's though odd to try to get a baby to sleep away from its Primary Carer, especially if BF.

All those Adults aren't left with sleep issues.

I've done a lot of babysitting over my lifetime (51) and I still am, sometimes overnight, for the babies/toddlers, of my DD's Friends and I find some Parents lie about how much/easily their children sleep. Likewise toilet training and eating.

I had no intention of cosleeping until I had a bad sleeper. I think there are many others like mine who are bad sleepers before cosleeping and just go down and continue down that route out of necessity. At 12 weeks though yours might grow out of it earlier than toddlerhood.

On the opposite end If you do cry it out it even if your child is a bad sleeper they're likely to eventually give up waking you up in the night so you're less likely to complain about your DC sleeping badly.

People who cosleep tend to do so because their child will not go into their own bed.

This. DS would not sleep in his cot from about 6 months. We started co-sleeping to save my sanity as the sleep deprivation was getting out of hand. Once in with us he pretty much slept through straight away, which meant I got more sleep.

Downside is that he's nearly six and won't sleep in a room on his own. He is in his own bed now though and spends most nights in it.