Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To invite some friends children to wedding but not other's

71 replies

Mangoo · 29/12/2018 13:31

Me and DP are getting married and we are on a bit of a tight budget.

I'm working on our guest lists and I wanted to get opinions on inviting some children but not other's.

My DP has two young son's and so of course they will be there.

I would also like to have my best friends daughter there (she is my God daughter and I would like her as my one and only bridesmaid. We are very close).

In addition I have 4 young cousins who would be invited.

Other than that, I'm thinking to just invite friends and their partners but not children as a lot of them have multiple and frankly, I just can't afford to be inviting all of them. Would you consider this rude if you discovered there were other children there?

OP posts:
Since2016 · 29/12/2018 13:34

Probably not if it’s family only - sounds like it. But be prepared for people to decline a child free wedding invite - for some it’s just not possible. You can’t then get offended. If you make a child free wedding decision, not everyone will come - as long as you’re comfortable with that then go ahead!

Handsfull13 · 29/12/2018 13:36

I'd be fine with family only children - which would include your goddaughter. If it was just a random selection of children from some friends but not others then I'd be a bit taken back.

StrongerThanIThought76 · 29/12/2018 13:53

I was bridesmaid this summer - only kids invited were the groom's own and his nieces.

Absolutely not an issue - I had a fab weekend away without my kids, others left slightly earlier to relieve babysitters etc.

The only folk not to turn up (despite RSVPs and no kids) had no excuse and haven't been in touch with bride or groom since.

Your wedding, your rules!

Escolar · 29/12/2018 13:57

I think the ones you've mentioned - family and your bridesmaid - is fine. Not just some friends' children and not others though.

TokyoSushi · 29/12/2018 14:01

I think family only children and your goddaughter/bridesmaid is fine. You'd be in tricky water though if you invited some friends children and not others.

selkiesolstice · 29/12/2018 14:04

I think it's ok if you're inviting the children of the friends you're closest to, rather than your favourite children iyswim.

CoughLaughFart · 29/12/2018 14:04

You’ll get some people saying ‘Invite all the children or none’, but I disagree. Cousins are completely to friends’ children, and it’s natural that you’d be closer to your godchild. All I’d say is make it clear from the start on that you’re only inviting the adults - based on the threads I see on here, at least someone will think ‘No children can’t possibly include my child’.

Confusedbeetle · 29/12/2018 14:05

Family only is fine. For the rest just invite the adults. Quite normal. If they choose to decline thats ok, Be clear at the invitation stage, sorry but we can only invite children of family and the bridal party

MaisyPops · 29/12/2018 14:07

Family and God daughter makes sense.

I think it's a bit much to invite some whole families for friends and some to exclude their children though.

TeddybearBaby · 29/12/2018 14:09

I wouldn’t have a problem. I don’t enjoy taking my kids to weddings though 😂. Have a lovely day!!

UserName31456789 · 29/12/2018 14:10

I wouldn't have a problem with this, just say it's close family children and bridesmaids only. It might be a few people are unable to attend but they shouldn't be offended.

FusionChefGeoff · 29/12/2018 14:12

I think that sounds fine - we put a little note in with our invitations that said something like 'We hope you understand that it's not possible for us to include everyone's children in our numbers, so we really hope you can find a babysitter and enjoy letting your hair down instead!"

Original poster
Mangoo · 29/12/2018 14:14

The only thing worrying me is that my best friend is part of my larger friend group so she will be the only one who's child is invited.

I do see my other friends children regularly (we are a close group) but am particularly close to my God daughter hence the fact she's my God daughter!

It's tricky, I feel there are lots of unspoken social rules surrounding weddings!!

OP posts:
Jackshouse · 29/12/2018 14:14

I think it’s odd. I would say either all children or none. Whatever you do don’t complain if people can’t make it if you don’t invite the kids. I have a friend who was unhappy that DH did not attend her wedding as he had to stay at home with DD.

Bringbackthestrioes · 29/12/2018 14:16

Perfectly fine. We had an invite to a cousins wedding, DC was 16 months but wasn’t on the invitation and we had to leave with GM for the weekend. We didn’t give a second thought that the brides 8 month old niece was there.

MoaningSickness · 29/12/2018 14:19

Are the children actually going to cost you much more though? At our wedding venue children were only a few pounds extra. We also found that about half our parent guests didn't bring their kids through choice.

You can do what you want, but I personally would find inviting some people's children and not others rude. I wouldn't attend. I don't mind totally childfree weddings as that has a different atmosphere.

Julianaa · 29/12/2018 14:20

Sorry but YABU. The only children who can be the exception to a no kids rule are the bride and groom's own kids. Sorry.

Aeroflotgirl · 29/12/2018 14:21

I totally agree with you, on the invitation to them, just say it is adults only, we are just having family children as our budget is restricted. Those who really want to come will find a way, and those who don't won't. I would totally understand, my friend did this, she had family children, and I found a friend to look after dd.

Original poster
Mangoo · 29/12/2018 14:22

Jackshouse but where do you end with that though? If we decide no children, we shouldn't invite my DPs son's to his father's wedding?

A lot of my friends have two, three even four children all varying ages, all who would need catering for etc... and then it starts getting into silly numbers. We wanted it to be quite small.

I certainly have no issue if people can't make it due to childcare, that's beyond my control and I understand not something I can be upset about.

OP posts:
NorthernLurker · 29/12/2018 14:23

Do you only have one godchild?

Original poster
Mangoo · 29/12/2018 14:24

NorthernLurker yes only one.

OP posts:
SlackerMum1 · 29/12/2018 14:24

Seems quite common to me. At our wedding we simple said we were v sorry but could only host the children of close family - so my nephews and cousins kids. No one was upset or surprised. Most people understand that once you hit a certain age if everyone brought their kids there would be more kids than adults!

Spikeyball · 29/12/2018 14:28

It's fine because the division is clear. Having some friends children and not others is where people usually moan.

MatildaTheCat · 29/12/2018 14:29

It’s fine. She’s your God daughter and flower girl so obviously she’s invited. Others will understand but as above you might get some declines and that’s just life.

Have a great day.

greendale17 · 29/12/2018 14:31

Either do it family children only or all children. Not fair to pick and choose friends kids but not other friends kids.

Swipe left for the next trending thread