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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To invite some friends children to wedding but not other's

71 replies

Mangoo · 29/12/2018 13:31

Me and DP are getting married and we are on a bit of a tight budget.

I'm working on our guest lists and I wanted to get opinions on inviting some children but not other's.

My DP has two young son's and so of course they will be there.

I would also like to have my best friends daughter there (she is my God daughter and I would like her as my one and only bridesmaid. We are very close).

In addition I have 4 young cousins who would be invited.

Other than that, I'm thinking to just invite friends and their partners but not children as a lot of them have multiple and frankly, I just can't afford to be inviting all of them. Would you consider this rude if you discovered there were other children there?

OP posts:

Original poster

Mangoo · 29/12/2018 16:02

user139328237 but with respect to my other friends, she is more important to me. She is family to me, I see her regularly she calls me her auntie and I treat her that way. I may not be religious no but I made a promise to her mother and to her. My other friends know the bond I have with her (she is the daughter of my best friend since childhood) and so I would hope they would not see it as an insult to them.

It's the same as me only buying Christmas presents for her rather than all of my friends children. She's family to me.

OP posts:

Shadow1234 · 29/12/2018 16:03

Family children only is fine. I had to do this for my wedding (24 years ago). We didnt have a large hall for the reception and numbers were limited, so if all my friends children had been invited, it would have meant they were making up a big chunk of the numbers allowed. Obviously some friends will decline If they cannot bring their children, but thats understandable. It is unfortunate, but when you are on a budget or limited numbers, there's not much else you can do.

I have also been to a wedding where my children weren't invited, so I fully understood the reasons why and didnt take it personally. I'm sure your friends will understand.

elliejjtiny · 29/12/2018 16:05

I think it's fine. I was invited to a wedding without dc. I declined as I didn't have a babysitter but I wasn't offended.

Belindabauer · 29/12/2018 16:05

I think it's fine.
Agree with others about not being offended if people decline the invite.
Also don't fret if they don't make your hen do.

Shadow1234 · 29/12/2018 16:05

Forgot to add, that would include god-daughter as well. (she is the same as family in my eyes).

Gobblebox · 29/12/2018 16:07

It’s your wedding. Invite who you want.....

Original poster

Mangoo · 29/12/2018 16:08

Completely agree re not being offended if some can't come due to childcare. I understand that's a risk and fully expect it to be the case for some or one half of couple unable to come etc...

OP posts:

stoplickingthetelly · 29/12/2018 16:16

When my sil/bol got married they only had close family children as there were quite a lot of nephews and nieces. They simply couldn't accommodate friends children too. If they had there would have been around 25 children. By keeping it to family there was 10.

DeRigueurMortis · 29/12/2018 16:33

As ever it's your wedding so you set the rules.

That said remember not everyone is going to like them....

Personally I've never taken my kids to a wedding and enjoy spending the day with my DH and having some adult time. The idea of entertaining small children and keeping them quiet during a church ceremony and through (often tediously long) speeches isn't my idea of fun for anyone - especially the children.

However not everyone feels like that or alternatively has the support network around them wrt childcare.

I think all anyone can do is be clear whose invited and if people can't/don't want to attend because their children are not invited then you simply have to accept that.

Most likely for every guest who's aghast their precious bundles of joy are not invited are another set of parents happy to have some time to themselves.

MumW · 29/12/2018 16:46

Your criteria is family children only. Your GD is part of the bridal party so I don't see any problems.
There is a clear line.

It might have been more difficult if your GD wasn't a bridesmaid but invited or if some of your friend's children were in the bridal party and not others.

greendale17 · 29/12/2018 16:50

Oh please don't add this shitty line. Invite or don't invite but not the "have a night off" crap.

^This. I find it so patronising.

Onestep2 · 29/12/2018 16:52

We only had 2 children at our wedding, DSD and neice.

You might find adults will jump at the chance to have a day/night out without kids! I know if i was invited to a wedding id want to leave the kids at home!!

KirstyAllsoppsFatterTwin · 29/12/2018 17:00

I think if you make it very clear that the ONLY children attending will be immediate family and your god-daughter/bridesmaid and you don't start making exceptions for some friends' children but not others, then I don't see why it should be a problem.

When you will encounter problems and resentment is when you are not consistent with the no kids rule and people start to feel they are being inconvenienced while others are not.

There are bound to be some people who are adamant they can't or won't come unless their kids come too and you'll just have to accept that and respect their reasons and choices, as they must respect yours.

Poodloo · 29/12/2018 17:55

This seems absolutely fine. When I get married I want certain children there.. it it offends others then i can't really help that. By inviting all my friends kids, it would make it more adults than children!

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 29/12/2018 19:32

It's fine to invite close-family, or special-friend children only.

Children past the baby or very small toddler stage will need a seat at the table and a meal, so if there are a lot it will whack up costs considerably.
Anyone who doesn't comprehend this is BVU.

CoughLaughFart · 30/12/2018 10:43

Don't invite the god daughter if you're not inviting other children from the same group of friends, especially if you are not really religious. The whole concept of god children is pretentious and to be honest inviting just that child comes across as rather 'if you make me more important I'll treat you better'.

It really doesn’t. I don’t believe anyone picks a godparent on the basis that s/he will make their child a bridesmaid some day.

Pinkprincess1978 · 30/12/2018 12:42

It's fine to only invite limited children and perfectly normal.

I was only mildly put out at attending a close family members wedding without my children (which I didn't mind at all and usually prefer) to find loads of children invited . As I sat, I prefer not to take my children to weddings as I enjoy it more but most of the children at this wedding were friends of b&g and we were closely related. I didn't and never would say anything.

WidoWanky · 30/12/2018 12:58

If they are your friends, what's wrong with saying, the next time you meet up..." our wedding is mostly childfree just dp's sons and my god daughter" You will and and hear their reactions immediately.

It amazes me that so many people ask randoms on the internet what they can't or won't ask their nearest and dearest in real life.

Original poster

Mangoo · 30/12/2018 13:23

Pretty much every thread on mumsnet is from someone asking 'randoms on the internet' for advice/what they think about a situation...

I wanted to ask what strangers thought to avoid the possibility of offending my friends if people thought I was being unreasonable.

OP posts:

KC225 · 30/12/2018 13:36

Another one who thinks your plans perfectly fine. A big thing, is that your wedding is in your home town so people can pop off for after a few hours to collect from friends/relatives/babaysitters. They get to enjoy themselves and get a taxi home without cross country journeys, hotels or flights.

Original poster

Mangoo · 31/12/2018 16:51

Thank you! I think I'll stick with this plan then.

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