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Original poster

To invite some friends children to wedding but not other's

71 replies

Mangoo · 29/12/2018 13:31

Me and DP are getting married and we are on a bit of a tight budget.

I'm working on our guest lists and I wanted to get opinions on inviting some children but not other's.

My DP has two young son's and so of course they will be there.

I would also like to have my best friends daughter there (she is my God daughter and I would like her as my one and only bridesmaid. We are very close).

In addition I have 4 young cousins who would be invited.

Other than that, I'm thinking to just invite friends and their partners but not children as a lot of them have multiple and frankly, I just can't afford to be inviting all of them. Would you consider this rude if you discovered there were other children there?

OP posts:
InSightMars · 29/12/2018 14:32

Your goddaughter is a) your goddaughter therefore pretty much on the same level as ‘family’ like nieces or cousins and b) your bridesmaid therefore one of the bridal party. Your ‘official’ line is ‘sorry, we’ve had to restrict child invites to family and bridal party children only.’

Fruitbatdancer · 29/12/2018 14:37

You say “sadly due to number restrictions only family and wedding party children can be accommodated, we are sorry if this causes some disappointment to others but hope the parents involved will enjoy a night/ day off!”
We did the same, ie best mans daughter cam and immediate cousins/ nephews. A few people smarted about it but not to me - a few close friends who were on board with this (and desperate for a night drinking and dancing without the kids” were my supporters and cheer leaders and put the others back in their box. 😬

Fruitbatdancer · 29/12/2018 14:38

Ps if I invited all kids I’d have had 37 under 12 Shock

Original poster
Mangoo · 29/12/2018 14:42

Fruitbatdancer see that's what I'm thinking, when you add it up it all starts to get a bit crazy. There would be at least 15-20 children between all of mine and DPs friends nevermind about 10 of colleagues that I've never even met before.

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock · 29/12/2018 14:43

Your God child would be considered family. I have been to friends weddings who only had family DC.
I would not expect my DC to be invited too.
I think it is fine.

MrsFezziwig · 29/12/2018 14:53

Julianaa who made you the wedding police? You’re talking nonsense.

Spikeyball · 29/12/2018 14:53

I wouldn't put in about enjoying a day/night off because this will rub it in for those who can't come or only one of the couple can.

GrubbyHipsterBeard · 29/12/2018 14:57

julianaa I don’t agree at all. I think as long as there is an objective live drawn, as in family, no one can complain. Even if it doesn’t cost much more too many children at a wedding totally changes the vibe and it may not be what the OP wants.

Hope you have a lovely day OP

loubluee · 29/12/2018 14:58

My male best friend had a child free wedding, I jumped for joy! A child free day and night. Had so much fun!!

YourEggnogIsBetterThanMine · 29/12/2018 15:02

we are sorry if this causes some disappointment to others but hope the parents involved will enjoy a night/ day off

Oh please don't add this shitty line. Invite or don't invite but not the "have a night off" crap. I see nothing wrong with inviting family and bridal party kids fwiw.

Amaried · 29/12/2018 15:02

I'm Irish and here immediate family children only is very much the norm . Asking the children of friends is practically unheard of. So no one would be offended there.
Seems perfectly ok to me but there are some people who take huge offense as their little darlings not being included .

BrokenWing · 29/12/2018 15:07

The only children who can be the exception to a no kids rule are the bride and groom's own kids.

^ this is rubbish. perfectly acceptable and common to say family children only with god daughter in bridal party.

TheMincePiesAreMine · 29/12/2018 15:11

I think if you do this you should generous with people bringing babies and toddlers.

For a lot of people it's genuinely difficult to leave children that young for long enough. Even if they do, the logistics can be complex, eg GPs giving up their weekend to babysit in a hotel near the wedding venue. I think it would be off to say some children are invited but then be really strict about others not bringing babies, for example.

Also as PPs say, don't get offended if people decline for childcare reasons. All the notice in the world is not going to make me leave my 9 year old for the sake of a wedding. Sometimes that's just the way it is.

TheMincePiesAreMine · 29/12/2018 15:14

Oh yes and I completely agree with Eggnog re the "hope parents will enjoy a night off" line.

Cherries101 · 29/12/2018 15:17

It’s okay to say only kids associated with family / bridal or groom party are allowed. Where it gets unfair is if the bride (or groom) differentiates between family kids on their side and the other side — family rules should apply to both sides.

blackteasplease · 29/12/2018 15:20

Fine the ones you've mentioned. I think if you just chose random children to invite and others not it wouldn't be good.

Original poster
Mangoo · 29/12/2018 15:21

Cherries101 yes definitely, DP is fortunate that he only has one nephew on his side, his cousins /rest of his family are adults. I am the one with the younger cousins!

Re: grandparent's having to stay in hotels to watch children, I don't think that really applies. Our venue is in our home town where most of our friends and family live. The only people travelling more than half an hour would be DPs parents who live 4 hours away.

OP posts:
Moonstoned · 29/12/2018 15:22

It’s not a problem for most people — and I’ve been either side of this. And I certainly don’t see the need for a blanket childfree or ‘family children only’ policy, any more than I’d expect a ‘must invite all colleagues or none’ or ‘absolutely all cousins or none’ position.

GhostHoward · 29/12/2018 15:23

That sounds absolutely fine. You're inviting family and your god daughter. There's a clear line of which children are invited and as a parent I'd love the excuse to go to a child free wedding Wink

Oysterbabe · 29/12/2018 15:23

I think you can invite who you like. We'd have liked to be able to invite all of our friends children but it just wasn't possible, one of them has 7 and there simply wasn't space. We had family children only.

Huntawaymama · 29/12/2018 15:34

I hate that some people think family kids should come before others.

For my wedding I had dd and dneice, that'd it.

Ive 14 kids from my friendship group and 29 of cousins kids

I had DM and DMIL saying I should invite the family kids but that made no sense to me, I rarely see them yet some of my friends kids I see weekly and all of them fortnightly. I actually know those kids and would've wanted them there.

I was happy in the end and everyone enjoyed the child free time but don't let anyone pressure you to do something you don't want to

Piratefairy78 · 29/12/2018 15:45

Sounds fine to me. It’s yours and your partners wedding so I’m a firm believer in doing things your own way. However, please make it clear on the invite who is invited. I hate it when I have to second guess if the DC are invited or not.

user139328237 · 29/12/2018 15:53

Don't invite the god daughter if you're not inviting other children from the same group of friends, especially if you are not really religious. The whole concept of god children is pretentious and to be honest inviting just that child comes across as rather 'if you make me more important I'll treat you better'.

Freetodowhatiwant · 29/12/2018 15:56

Yes this sounds absolutely fine to me. Personally if anyone complained I wouldn't be impressed with them anyway!

ChodeofChodeHall · 29/12/2018 15:58

If you're paying and it's your wedding, then you get to invite whomever you wish!