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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I think AIBU, can you confirm?

78 replies

Reccy2018 · 29/12/2018 09:27

I'm disappointed that my husband didn't get me a birthday card from my 6 month old. I knew he wouldn't, as he always thinks that kind of thing is silly, so have spent the last few days reminding myself he wouldn't get one. But this morning when I opened my cards and there wasn't one, I felt a bit sad. I made a joke about 'did [Baby's name] get me card?' and he said 'well, she can't write so no'

I know that it's silly, and I usually agree with him about that kind of thing but I would have been pleased to see one. I got him a father's day card from her when she was newborn in the summer.

Can I have a talking too, please!

OP posts:
peachypetite · 29/12/2018 09:29

I think, if this is really important to you, you need to have a talk now and outline your expectations. Surely that's better than being disappointed the next time. Even if he think it's silly if it's important to you then you aren't being silly.

rabbitfoodadvocate · 29/12/2018 09:29

It's natural lovely. I know I won't get one next year but I'm secretly hoping too! We can't help ourselves!

Just shrug it off and have a great day. I bet he's a good DH in many other ways.

Strongmummy · 29/12/2018 09:30

🤣🤣🤣, I love this. Yabu and need to pull yourself together. Saying that, men are basically idiots and don’t realise that little things like this mean a lot to many mums. Tell him that for all other birthdays you want a card from her!! Happy New Year x

alibongo5 · 29/12/2018 09:30

I remember being upset when my husband didn't get me a mother's day card from our baby. Looking back 27 years later, I think I was BU but not at all at the time! So YANBU!

And Happy Birthday - mine's today too!

pacempercutiens · 29/12/2018 09:31

Yanbu, I'd have been really upset if my DD didn't get me cards 😁 she's 15 months and I've had Christmas/birthday/mother's Day cards

Gizlotsmum · 29/12/2018 09:32

Did you tell him you would like a card from baby? I think it maybe one of those occasions where you need to spell out your expectations. Yes baby can’t write but he can on her behalf until she is old enough too. If he doesn’t ‘get’ it explain it is important to you.

thatwhichwecallarose · 29/12/2018 09:32

Yabu for bring upset at something you could’ve prevented. Why didn’t you say a week or so ago so he could’ve bought a card. I agree it would be nice if he had just done it (and I buy cards from the kids all the time) so for that YANBU.

PS Your DD won’t be able to write a card on mother’s day too - don’t sit around waiting to be upset then either!

Gunpowder · 29/12/2018 09:36

Grin In the nicest possible way, YABU! I think as PP have said, if you would like birthday/Mother’s day/Christmas cards and presents from a child under 5 you will need to have a very frank conversation with your DH and tell him that’s the expectation. Smile

user1493413286 · 29/12/2018 09:38

It doesn’t matter if he thinks it’s silly; if it was important to you then he should have done it.
My DH thinks cards in general are a waste but he always does them for me and from the kids as it’s important to me.

donquixotedelamancha · 29/12/2018 09:40

men are basically idiots and don’t realise that little things like this mean a lot to many mums.

Yes, this. As well as excusing our insensitivity you should do all the housework because we are rubbish at that too. Hmm

My wife wanted cards from the baby too, I don't get it, but I bought one because it's what she wanted. Similarly she doesn't understand some of my needs, but accommodates me because that's what a relationship is.

Speak to him.

brusselsproutfan · 29/12/2018 09:40

YANBU

I'd be really upset about this, this kind of thing is really important to me as I keep all cards from my children. Your baby won't be able to write next year at 18 Months or year after at 2.5 years so does that mean you shouldn't expect a card then either.

MrsG8 · 29/12/2018 09:46

YANBU my DH gets me Birthday/Xmas cards from the baby and I would be upset if he didn't

Chapterandverse · 29/12/2018 09:52

men are basically idiots and don’t realise that little things like this mean a lot to many mums. Hmm riiiiiiiiight

Yanbu

If he knew you wanted one he should have got you one.

Especially mothers day cards.

Saying that, my two are teens and I didn't get a card from them- I've only just realised Grin

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 29/12/2018 09:52

Aw I can see your point but unless you spelled it out to him in big capital letters I don’t think you can blame him. I assume if he knew how important it is to you he’d have done it?

I think that’s the nub. I’m sure we do crazy silly things in our family that others would think are silly. But if it’s important to you it’s important full stop. You only have a problem if you spell out how important it is to you and he still ignores your feelings.

Ps happy birthday! 🍰

FusionChefGeoff · 29/12/2018 09:55

Definitely have a clear, polite chat to tell him what you expect so he can't claim ignorance for birthdays, xmas and Mother's Day. It's going to be relevant for at least 8 yrs until DC start doing stuff themselves so worth getting it clear now!

Strongmummy · 29/12/2018 09:57

@donquixote - no you owe us for the housework, so get hoovering

TotesEmoshTerri · 29/12/2018 09:59

YABU if only because he made it very clear he wasn't going to do it and you still expected him to

diddl · 29/12/2018 10:00

" 'well, she can't write so no'"

So you know that you've a couple of years to wait.

Or will it then be until she can get to the shop herself?

Even if he couldn't be bothered to get a seperate card I would have thought he would have put his daughter's name with his.

Were Christmas cards never sent with his name on or not until he could add it himself?

winsinbin · 29/12/2018 10:01

IMO YABU. I wouldn’t have wanted one, it wouldn’t have come from my DC so it would have been a meaningless piece of paper. When they were old enough to make them at nursery or ask DH to buy one they had chosen for me then they meant a lot (and still do).

JudasPrudy · 29/12/2018 10:01

I think you're either the kind of person to buy into that kind of thing or you aren't. It's a bit twee and soppy IMO. If he's a kind, steady, loving and decent husband and father then just continue with your life as you were.

E20mom · 29/12/2018 10:02

I felt the same so I told my OH he needed to buy me a card from her. He wouldn't have thought to do it if I hadn't told him.

grumiosmum · 29/12/2018 10:02

Sorry, but OP YABU.

A birthday card from a baby is very silly. Mother's Day is different, and obviously DH should be facilitating those until your kids are old enough to do it for themselves, but Birthday, no.

Huntawaymama · 29/12/2018 10:02

My husband is the same in that he says "X can't write or go to the shops and buy a card" however, from when she was 9m (I think that's about her age my first mothers day) I'd organise to go shopping or something and leave the two of them and leave out some card and paint/pens/glue/etc to keep them busy and make me something while I was gone. It was actually nice bonding for them. DD and I are super crafty and it was nice for him to do some

Original poster
Reccy2018 · 29/12/2018 10:02

Yeah, I definitely should have said but then I also thought that me telling him to do it kind of ruins it at the same time too? I'm definitely being unreasonable about that, I know but if I were to put it in order:

  1. Card from baby without prompting
  2. Card from baby with prompting from someone else, not me
  3. Card from baby with prompting from me
  4. No card from baby

So, I suppose, now I know he won't do it without prompting I can either be slightly sad about it in the future or tell him. But it does kind of ruin the moment to have to spell it out! Haha

Happy birthday alibongo5! I hope you're being extra spoiled today, because we have rubbish birthdays! 😂

OP posts:
UserName31456789 · 29/12/2018 10:03

I think you should just tell him that although it's silly you'd like a card from your baby next time. If he still doesn't get you one then he's being a stick on the mud.

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