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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I think AIBU, can you confirm?

78 replies

Reccy2018 · 29/12/2018 09:27

I'm disappointed that my husband didn't get me a birthday card from my 6 month old. I knew he wouldn't, as he always thinks that kind of thing is silly, so have spent the last few days reminding myself he wouldn't get one. But this morning when I opened my cards and there wasn't one, I felt a bit sad. I made a joke about 'did [Baby's name] get me card?' and he said 'well, she can't write so no'

I know that it's silly, and I usually agree with him about that kind of thing but I would have been pleased to see one. I got him a father's day card from her when she was newborn in the summer.

Can I have a talking too, please!

OP posts:

Missingstreetlife · 29/12/2018 11:14

Honestly have a chat with him before Mother's Day. And do him a card for Father's Day too. Birthdays and Xmas not so much, but maybe he will get it if you keep at it. Don't leave it till you are all stewed up on the day, they just speak a different language. You have to spell it out.

RichPetunia · 29/12/2018 11:17

YABU. I'm totally with your husband on this.

Rubusfruticosus · 29/12/2018 11:21

YABU. From age two I would expect a handmade card or picture, but not from a baby!

octoberbaby2010 · 29/12/2018 11:23

Yanbu id be really upset by this too. His an arse xx

WorraLiberty · 29/12/2018 11:25

Honestly have a chat with him before Mother's Day. And do him a card for Father's Day too.

I wouldn't advise giving a Father's Day card, given the DH's feelings on it.

Every single Mother's Day without fail, MNetters are moaning that they didn't get a card from the baby/kids and they'll nearly always say, "But I got him a Father's Day card", when 9 times out of 10 the bloke could happily have lived without it.

trulybadlydeeply · 29/12/2018 11:26

I would be a little sad too, OP, although in the great scheme of things I think YABU. The fact that you have had breakfast in bed and time to yourself to relax today suggest that he is otherwise thoughtful, so don't bury him under the patio yet

Strongmummy I really hope you don't have sons, when you have such sexist and derogatory beliefs.

user1497787065 · 29/12/2018 11:32

How ridiculous. I have no understanding of unnecessary card giving. Having a card from your husband is enough surely. Even that I think is questionable. He will see you, say happy birthday and give you a card saying the same thing. Madness.

emwithme · 29/12/2018 11:45

I am a Card Person. Always have been, always will be. DH knows this... and still didn't get me a Christmas card from DD (then 4 weeks old).

I had a bit of a hormone/tiredness/cluster feeding induced meltdown on Christmas Day but still he didn't rush out on Boxing Day to buy me a "mummy" Christmas card.

I'm trying to suck it up and be the bigger person but every time I see his "daddy" card, I want to cry.

vdbfamily · 29/12/2018 11:49

I am sorry but I do think this is ridiculous. Wait til baby is old enough to scribble something themselves and it will really mean something, but having your partner pretend to be baby writing you a card is so mad I cannot comprehend why people feel the need for it??

alibongo5 · 29/12/2018 12:11

@reccy2018 ~Thanks. I agree it is a rubbish time for a birthday all in all. But we just have to make the best of it. And I ALWAYS made sure my kids were fully aware it is the only birthday I get in the year so it's just as special as anyone else's. So make sure you do the same! And I tell them "I don't care if you're stuffed from Christmas - we WILL go out for a meal!"

And when they get older and leave home, it usually means they're still hanging around from Christmas to help celebrate!

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 29/12/2018 12:17

Yabu, and daft

Strongmummy · 29/12/2018 12:33

@trulybadlydeeply my son is an incredibly well adjusted young boy who is being brought up to not conform to the typical male stereotype we see so often against the backdrop of patriarchy. Thanks for asking tho

villamariavintrapp · 29/12/2018 12:36

Why don’t you write yourself a card from the baby?

WorraLiberty · 29/12/2018 12:38

Strongmummy, so he's being brought up in exactly the same way that many men were?

Yet you wrote them all off in your previous sexist post

tryinganewname · 29/12/2018 13:07

I would have been really upset. DD (5 months) got us both Christmas cards and got her dad a birthday card after she was born - I'll need to wait until next year when she's almost 1.

diddl · 29/12/2018 13:07

So should Mother's/Father's Day cards not happen until the child can write &/or get to the shops?

donquixotedelamancha · 29/12/2018 13:16

Yet you wrote them all off in your previous sexist post

I moaned about that comment because I think that type of stereotype is unhelpful (as I would about a comment ascribing OPs emotionality to being a woman), but it was obviously somewhat light-hearted.

Strongmummy. I started vacuuming as instructed, but DW took it off me saying I wasn't doing a good job. I've had to put my feet up and watch telly so I'm not in the way- poor silly man that I am.

donquixotedelamancha · 29/12/2018 13:20

So should Mother's/Father's Day cards not happen until the child can write &/or get to the shops?

It's a slippery slope. Next people will be saying we shouldn't bother sending overpriced pieces of card that go straight in the bin at all- where would we be then?

SparkleBanana · 29/12/2018 13:36

YANBU. If it’s important to you and he knew that then it’s a little mean to not get one. I kept my ‘firsts’ and we look at them together now she’s a little older and it’s nice to have my first mummy card even if she didn’t understand at the time. But then I wouldn’t care if I didn’t get a mother’s day card from my kids, my birthday is personal and important to me. Happy Birthday!

HabitualLurker · 29/12/2018 14:56

So, lesson learned is that you need to mention these things in advance! From your OP it seems that you hadn't mentioned it until it was too late for him to buy one.
And, it's not only men who wouldn't think to buy a card from a baby. Sexist nonsense. Some people appreciate that sort of thing, some people wouldn't even think of it. If you're of the latter variety then you just need to be told!

trulybadlydeeply · 29/12/2018 19:55

@Strongmummy I wrote my message in haste before rushing out, and did not mean to say that I hope you don't have sons, because that's a horrible thing to wish.It just hit a nerve, and my concern was that any son you had would overhear you saying that all men are idiots etc and that would be the expectations for themselves.You have indicated that's not the case. I send you my best wishes, and apologies for a badly worded post.

straightjeans · 30/12/2018 09:28

Ridiculous. Could understand if you wanted one from a toddler because at least they can scribble in the card. Whereas with a baby you're going to pretend that they wrote the card.

Juells · 30/12/2018 10:29

And, it's not only men who wouldn't think to buy a card from a baby.

I'm sorry but I can't believe that this is actually 'a thing'. Who would do that? Why would you expect a sane adult to think of doing it? A card from a small baby. Splutter splutter splutter speechless.

Bluewidow · 30/12/2018 10:34

I actually don’t think you are being unreasonable. My birthday this year was the first without my husband after he had passed. I had to take the children myself so they could get me a card. It pained me doing this as my husband would
Always take them out to do this. It’s just thoughtless of your husband. No it’s not really a card from your baby but it’s an opportunity for him to write nice words in that card To let you know that you are doing a good job . Perhaps you don’t need a card for him to do that but you know what why can’t you have a card. If he plays this game then play it back no Father’s Day cars or present until child can write.

Bluewidow · 30/12/2018 10:35

Cards not cars !!

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