Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I think AIBU, can you confirm?

78 replies

Reccy2018 · 29/12/2018 09:27

I'm disappointed that my husband didn't get me a birthday card from my 6 month old. I knew he wouldn't, as he always thinks that kind of thing is silly, so have spent the last few days reminding myself he wouldn't get one. But this morning when I opened my cards and there wasn't one, I felt a bit sad. I made a joke about 'did [Baby's name] get me card?' and he said 'well, she can't write so no'

I know that it's silly, and I usually agree with him about that kind of thing but I would have been pleased to see one. I got him a father's day card from her when she was newborn in the summer.

Can I have a talking too, please!

OP posts:
redastherose · 29/12/2018 10:05

Tell him today that you'd like one in future and obviously on Mother's Day etc so he knows what your expectations are then you won't need to remind him next year.

AtiaoftheJulii · 29/12/2018 10:05

Did he put her name in his?

There's no way I'd expect separate cards from different members of my family who live in the same house, that just seems pointless and wasteful.

TotesEmoshTerri · 29/12/2018 10:06

I think you'd be more reasonable to expect something when he and the child can discuss it and jointly make a card or craft something. At six months the kid has zero concept of your birthday or anything really so anything you would receive has zero input from them. Next year is a maybe. I'm two years, you should definitely expect something.

Merryoldgoat · 29/12/2018 10:06

I’ve got to be honest, I think this is ridiculous. It’s especially ridiculous as you know it’s not the kind of thing he cares about but expected him to do it without talking to him.

Original poster
Reccy2018 · 29/12/2018 10:06

JudasPrudy - it's funny, I thought all that kind of thing was ridiculous until I had a baby and then my opinion changed, haha. I don't get my cat a present at Christmas, if you want some proof of my credentials in that area. Can I blame the hormones after 6 months?!

OP posts:
Original poster
Reccy2018 · 29/12/2018 10:07

No, he didn't even put his name on the card, it said "happy birthday sexy bum, love you"

I can see why he didn't put her name on that message, thinking about it 😂

OP posts:
bridgetreilly · 29/12/2018 10:08

I think it's silly too, tbh. It won't be a card from the baby, obviously, it'll be a card from him pretending to be the baby. Why would you need one of those? In a year or two, sure, he needs to help the child get, scrawl over, and present a card to you, but at six months? No.

Juells · 29/12/2018 10:09

FFS is this kind of thing real? That grown women expect a birthday card from a 6-month-old baby? And are upset when it doesn't happen?

Confusedbeetle · 29/12/2018 10:09

Its lovely when older children can be guided into drawing lovely cards to the mum or dad, but what on earth does it mean to write a card "from" the baby. It's not from the baby and if you ask/want prompt/to expect it is totally meaningless and yes, silly. Please stress about something more important. We should be sending fewer cards, bad for the environment

RhiWrites · 29/12/2018 10:12

I made a joke about 'did [Baby's name] get me card?

Please don’t do this OP. It’s so passive aggressive and counter productive. Don’t make jokes about things that are important to you. It makes interpreting your feelings a riddle.

JudasPrudy · 29/12/2018 10:12

@Reccy2018 yes you can blame the hormones, tbh I do remember considering that I should get a card from my DS when he was just born. Now that I'm nearly 2 years PP I'm back to thinking it's daft consumerist nonsense and thanking God I didn't force DH to start with it. It'll mean more when they eventually make us little cards themselves Smile

YouBetterWORK · 29/12/2018 10:12

I had to spell it out to DH, he knew he had to get me something for my first mothers day and I said all I wanted was a card.

The day came, I was all expectant and the look of 'oh shit' on his face when I asked about the card....to fair DD was only 1 month old and we were both in the grip of sleep deprivation. I took it in good humour, took the piss a bit and he bolted off to Tescos and wrote a wonderful message in the card too. He also made me a steak dinner, but he was doing that anyway.

For my birthday, week before "DH, card." Few days before "DH card". Day before "DH, card." Grin it's a new thing for him, as he doesn't do cards and isn't bothered about getting them. But I got him a father's day one anyway.

choli · 29/12/2018 10:14

Jesus

lovelyjubbly11 · 29/12/2018 10:18

I've always found this ultra bizarre. You know full well that it would be your DH writing the card.

It's little different to you buying the card yourself and writing it. How very odd (and also slightly controlling).

Yabbers · 29/12/2018 10:19

men are basically idiots and don’t realise that little things like this mean a lot to many mums.

Why do people think it is acceptable to make statements like this?

I couldn't have cared less about a birthday card from my baby. Does that make my OH an idiot for not doing one?

What you actually mean is, men aren't mind readers and if women have spent any time with their partners they will know if they are they type of person who would send a card from the baby. They can either remind them they would like them to do so, or not tell them and be pissed off a few times a year.

We don't do cards generally, valentines is a non event for both of us. But from the beginning I said to OH I would like Mother's and Father's Day to be a thing. So we do those. He wouldn't have if I hadn't have said it. That doesn't make him an idiot, it just means he doesn't immediately know my every thought.

OP's OH not an idiot, just not a mind reader. OP is BU if she doesn't want to ask him to do the stuff she wants because it means less, and expects him just to magically know everything.

Original poster
Reccy2018 · 29/12/2018 10:21

"I made a joke about 'did [Baby's name] get me card?

Please don’t do this OP. It’s so passive aggressive and counter productive. Don’t make jokes about things that are important to you. It makes interpreting your feelings a riddle."

I suppose it's because I don't want it to be important to me, and I even knew that he wouldn't, but when push came to shove I was dissapointed, in spite of myself. I suppose I was thinking that this little comment might make him realise I would have liked one, without having to spell it out and losing any remaining street cred I have clung onto...

If it helps, he made me a veggie sausage bagel and I ate it in bed, and I'm now reading the new William Boyd book in the bath while he feeds the baby raspberries for the first time...

I don't need a card from my baby 😭😭😭

OP posts:
GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 29/12/2018 10:23

YANBU at all.
I used to get birthday cards even from our dog and cat, when we had them. A joint one, though, they didn't shell out separately.

And last Christmas I got dh one from the garden birds, since he's the one endlessly filling up the feeders.
Forgot that this year. 🙁
IMO either you're the kind of person who does these things or you're not. And if your dh is not (mine wasn't at first) you have to gradually train them into meeting your expectations.

Beeziekn33ze · 29/12/2018 10:37

🙄

MadMum101 · 29/12/2018 10:41

So this would have been your first card addressed to 'Mummy'?

YANBU. My DH can be an insensitive arse but even he has always managed to get cards from the DC, along with the one from him. His culture doesn't even celebrate birthdays.

MN, and especially AIBU is a site where people delight in insisting that you are BU to expect anything from anyone including DH's and family members, in RL you'd get more agreement.

NopeNi · 29/12/2018 10:42

I wouldn't have expected or thought about this at all for myself, and definitely wouldn't have occurred to me as a partner.

Honestly OP, you might as well be upset at him because he didn't magically know that you randomly wanted a pet lobster one day. It would be that unexpected to me!

QuitMoaning · 29/12/2018 10:45

I am the opposite. I had to stop my OH doing it as it wasn’t from my son, who was oblivious.
What I did want was my OH to guide my son as he grew up to buy me a card /present when appropriate. I did end up with some cards and presents that were a bit rubbish but as they were actually chosen by my son, I loved them. A card from a baby isn’t real to me.

However that is me, we are all different and you need to make sure your husband understands it is important to you.

1forAll74 · 29/12/2018 11:00

I agree with your Husband, it's all a bit silly.. If you had a card from your Husband, that would be nice, although lots of men tend to forget these little niceties in life.

WorraLiberty · 29/12/2018 11:04

1. Card from baby without prompting
2. Card from baby with prompting from someone else, not me
3. Card from baby with prompting from me
4. No card from baby

Would it help to look at it like this?....Even if 1, 2 and 3 happened the card still wouldn't be from the baby! Smile

Having said that, as it's so important to you, it wouldn't have taken much for him to just buy one.

The only thing I will say is, don't use the Father's Day card as any kind of 'defence' because you did that for you (which I understand) and not for him (given his feelings on this).

peachgreen · 29/12/2018 11:04

I love cards. DH doesn't really get it. But I made it clear to him that they're important to me and now he makes a real effort. When my DD was born I told him that I'd like him to arrange cards from her for special occasions until she's old enough to do it herself, so he does. Communication is the key!

TacoLover · 29/12/2018 11:12

You can't blame him for not doing it when he didn't know you wanted it. It's not exactly something that many people would think to do.