Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed?

94 replies

saturdaynightgin · 28/12/2018 22:34

Another PIL one sorry!!

DD is due to start school on 7th Jan. She turned 3 a few weeks ago so we’ve been making a fuss about her starting ‘big’ school etc.

PIL briefly mentioned taking DD and her cousin to the local pantomime on the afternoon of the 6th - they didn’t ask if we had plans, just told us they’d booked the tickets. Luckily we had nothing on - it’ll be the first time they have DD on their own and I was quite happy about it. However, I’ve just found out that they’ve actually booked tickets for the evening showing instead so DD won’t be getting home til 7.30pm at the very earliest

AIBU to be extremely annoyed by this? The likelyhood is that DD will fall asleep in the car on the way home as 7pm is her usual bedtime, so our whole evening bath/bed routine is not going to happen.

I’ve told DP that he needs to tell his parents that we are not at all happy about this. I’m tempted to say she can’t go, but PIL have only just started to take a real interest in our family so don’t want to do anything to push them away. I’m so so annoyed tho!!

OP posts:

TeddybearBaby · 29/12/2018 09:05

That’s the ops opinion, not fact. What is fact is that the gps want to spend time with their gd and her cousin and the only loser in not being allowed to do that is the child.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 29/12/2018 09:11

but PIL have only just started to take a real interest in our family so don’t want to do anything to push them away

It sounds like it's important to you OP that PILs want to see DD? Relationships take time and effort, give and take. You need to talk to PILs and let them know you're happy that they want to see DD but could they run stuff by you in future to make sure it doesn't clash. It's not arsey to say that, it's what normal families do.

Original poster

saturdaynightgin · 29/12/2018 09:20

I am pleased that they’ve finally started to take an interest, but I don’t want these sort of things to become a habit, which is why I’ve asked DP to speak to them. They have form for doing this kind of thing to SIL and have never been called out on it, even if it really inconveniced her/DNephew.

OP posts:

pictish · 29/12/2018 09:23

Gear god, unwind and just let her go to the show. Total non issue unless you persist in making one.
She’ll be fine at nursery the next day...excitememnet will carry her through and you can pop her into bed a bit earlier the next night if you feel the need.
Perspective - get some.

nokidshere · 29/12/2018 09:25

I am pleased that they’ve finally started to take an interest, but I don’t want these sort of things to become a habit, which is why I’ve asked DP to speak to them

Why have you asked dp to speak to them? Why can't you speak to them yourself? These things are so much better straight from the horses mouth.

pictish · 29/12/2018 09:26

I am surprised so many of you would have this wee girl miss out on the panto for bloody nursery the next day.
She can easily do both - it is no big deal unless you are determined to make problems where there aren’t any. I know a few people like that....they’re a pain in the neck.

Bluntness100 · 29/12/2018 09:31

Jeez some of the responses on here. Once again we are shown why there are so many dysfunctional families and lonely people out there.

She's going to a pantomine with her grandparents, it's lovely. She starts nursery thr next day, it's really not a big deal. Why cause a fuss or deprive her.

Sigh.

diddl · 29/12/2018 09:32

"I am surprised so many of you would have this wee girl miss out on the panto for bloody nursery the next day."

Because the ILs aren't really interested in her so why disrupt her for them?

CottonSock · 29/12/2018 09:35

It's not like they booked the evening performance. Just put her to bed earlier the next day.

pictish · 29/12/2018 09:36

Because she’ll enjoy the panto. Why have her miss out to be petty?

diddl · 29/12/2018 09:40

"Why have her miss out to be petty?"

She might not be missing out!

Let's just hope that she behaves so that the interest in her carries on!

theSnuffster · 29/12/2018 09:41

I also had bad sleepers so I understand why bedtime routine is important to you. But personally, for the sake of being home half an hour after her usual bedtime, I'd let her go. I'd probably ask that PIL try their best to keep her awake on the way home though. I'd only decline if it meant her being home really late. They won't be expecting much of her during her first day at nursery, so I don't think you need to worry about that- it'll just be about settling in and getting to know everyone.

winecigsandchoc · 29/12/2018 09:44

YABU it's preschool. All the kids will be tired after the holidays and her grandparents want to take her to the pantomime. This is a non issue for me. Is dd a PFB?

tinstar · 29/12/2018 10:11

Because she’ll enjoy the panto. Why have her miss out to be petty?

She may enjoy the panto. You don't know that she definitely will Pictish.

She may not (my dc3 demanded to be taken out of George's Marvellous Medicine aged 3/4 because he was terrified).

She may enjoy it so much she's bouncing off the ceiling for hours afterwards (my dc2 would have been)

She may be so exhausted she falls asleep in the car (and let's face it, gps don't sound the type to worry too much about keeping her awake). And then, because she's had the edge taken off her tiredness doesn't got to sleep until late and is tired the following day, making her first experience of nursery not as pleasant as it should be.

The op isn't being "petty" fgs. And if the gps are so flakey that her asking politely if they could do another time/day puts them off further involvement, then they're really not worth bothering with are they?

ID81241 · 29/12/2018 10:13

Ahh now it makes sense ...pre school in Wales is a lot more formal than here in England...it's normally based in the school of the reception the child will be attending age 4. So it genuinely feels like the first day of school because the preschoolers wear the uniform and get to know children in the older classes. Because of this, when people ask, I tell them that in Wales school starts at 3 but in England it starts at 4 as it's hard to compare it otherwise (I grew up in Wales but now live in England).

I don't think you're overreacting...it's her first day of school...I personally would thank the in laws and say you'd have loved them to take her out but since she's starting school the next day you need to establish the routine to make her feel as secure as possible in the new environment and language. But don't make a big deal of declining, be as gracious as possible as I don't think they were trying to do anything out of spite.

Janedoughnut · 29/12/2018 10:33

Is there a matinee performance on that day? If so, you could see if they've got any free seats and let them take her then instead.

pictish · 29/12/2018 11:14

tinstar
The worst outcome is that she might be a bit tired the next day.

Chamomileteaplease · 29/12/2018 11:19

For those who say just chill, would you be going out late with people you barely know looking after you, the night before a new job?

The most important thing here is your child OP. She will be starting a new nursery, in a new language and will want to be on top form. Going in all tired and perhaps a little out of sorts doesn't sound like any fun and will make the day more stressful for her.

Also, if you let her go this time, the grandparents will continue to pull unthoughtful stunts, as they do with your SIL. Say no now. Think of your daughter

To be honest, at just turned three, I would think it was quite a big thing to be going out with people she barely knows, let alone the night before a big day.

I don't think posters are thinking this through:
the child has just turned 3 ie is still very young
she's starting a new nursery in a new language
she barely knows the grandparents
it won't be 30 mins after her bedtime, more like two hours
the grandparents don't sound very caring

PoutySprout · 29/12/2018 11:20

Presumably your daughter will be doing half days?

My just turned 3 year old started welsh medium school full time from day one and went to bed at 10pm the night before. She was fine. Most children would have some quiet time or a nap at some point during the day. Within a week or two she was into the routine and whilst she was exhausted by it (welsh nursery is structured like school but the curriculum is play based) it did no harm that she went to bed late (she’s an owl).

Go with the flow. If she’s seeing the panto in Cardiff she’ll love it.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread