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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed?

94 replies

saturdaynightgin · 28/12/2018 22:34

Another PIL one sorry!!

DD is due to start school on 7th Jan. She turned 3 a few weeks ago so we’ve been making a fuss about her starting ‘big’ school etc.

PIL briefly mentioned taking DD and her cousin to the local pantomime on the afternoon of the 6th - they didn’t ask if we had plans, just told us they’d booked the tickets. Luckily we had nothing on - it’ll be the first time they have DD on their own and I was quite happy about it. However, I’ve just found out that they’ve actually booked tickets for the evening showing instead so DD won’t be getting home til 7.30pm at the very earliest Angry

AIBU to be extremely annoyed by this? The likelyhood is that DD will fall asleep in the car on the way home as 7pm is her usual bedtime, so our whole evening bath/bed routine is not going to happen.

I’ve told DP that he needs to tell his parents that we are not at all happy about this. I’m tempted to say she can’t go, but PIL have only just started to take a real interest in our family so don’t want to do anything to push them away. I’m so so annoyed tho!! AngryAngry

OP posts:
ItIsChristmasTime · 28/12/2018 23:23

If she usually goes to bed at 7 and instead is starting to watch a pantomime at 7.30, I think your PIL are in for an unpleasant evening! We took our three year recently (over two hours) and it was too much for her and she only just managed to sit through it. We went to the matinee and an evening show definitely wouldn’t have worked.

Original poster
saturdaynightgin · 28/12/2018 23:24

I’ve just double checked and the Sunday evening show starts at 5pm and lasts 2 hours 15 minutes, including interval. So DD won’t be leaving the theatre until 7.15/7.30 and by the time they get back to the car and battle the traffic out of the city centre, probably won’t be home until 8.30/9.

It may seem like I’m being picky because it’s in laws but I’d be the same if my parents had planned this. And in all honesty, I would probably be more firm with my parents than DP is willing to be with his

OP posts:
blackteasplease · 28/12/2018 23:26

With it being preschool and not actually school I think it should be ok.

angelikacpickles · 28/12/2018 23:27

YABU. It's not school. She's 3.

Rachelle3211 · 28/12/2018 23:28

Pack some pj's and have them change her before putting her in the car. She'll probably fall asleep on the way home! It's annoying but not worth getting yourself worked up about.

angelikacpickles · 28/12/2018 23:28

And she can skip a bath for one night.

OrigamiZoo · 28/12/2018 23:29

Start her the next day, ts preschool not a jury summons.

NooMe · 28/12/2018 23:30

Ideally, they wouldn't have booked it without checking first. But they have. Don't sacrifice your relationship with them and a fun night for your DD.

Just let her go.

HannahnotAgnes · 28/12/2018 23:30

I'd decline Op - it's too much the night before school (regardless if she's only 3 or not).

MsChookandtheelvesofFahFah · 28/12/2018 23:35

Cripes what a load of fuss! Hopefully she'll fall asleep on the journey home and then you just lift her from the car to bed. No biggie.

DillyDilly · 28/12/2018 23:39

It’s crazy bringing a just 3 yo to a panto/theatre/whatever that starts at 5pm. It will be no fun for anyone, she will just want to curl up on someone’s lap after a short while.

I would tell your IL’s it’s too late for her, not because she’s starting nursery the next day but just because of her age and the timings.

Bibijayne · 28/12/2018 23:41

I'd decline. Maybe ask if they can get a matinee showing if one is still available though? That way they know it isn't the idea - just the timing that is the issue?

Mummyshark2018 · 28/12/2018 23:44

Its a one off. I'm sure she'll be fine, she might even sleep better that night with the excitement and long day.

Original poster
saturdaynightgin · 28/12/2018 23:46

Tired DD is no fun for anyone to deal with and they don’t know how to comfort her as they haven’t spent much time with her.

On this occasion I guess I’ll just leave it up to DP to decide seeing as it’s his parents. But I will be mentioning that in future they need to check with us beforehand or it’ll be a straight no

OP posts:
Itisnearlybedtimeyet · 28/12/2018 23:48

Gosh, people are so insane about routines! Chill out. What do you think is going to happen if she doesn't have a strict routine for one night? I avoid strict routines with mine altogether so we never have any issue like this and all that's happened as a result is kids are super chilled out and flexible and happy. There is NO need for these strict routines inflicted on British children and there is NO need for the insane amount of angst and panic these routines seem to cause parents!

Deadringer · 28/12/2018 23:58

What a lot of angst about nothing. She is going to have a lovely evening with her gps, you should be pleased. I am sure they will manage her, out of sorts or no, they managed to raise their own dc after all. Can't you start her the next day instead? Either way one night out of her routine won't do her any harm, a little bit of flexibility is very good for children in the long run ime.

Fairenuff · 29/12/2018 00:01

This is the first time they're taking her out and they've chosen a pantomime? I don't think that's a great idea tbh regardless of the time. They are loud places and often scary for young children. To go without your parent or familiar adult might be a difficult experience for her.

RCohle · 29/12/2018 00:03

I think it will be a nice end of holiday treat for her. Nursery isn't a huge deal in the scheme of things, and she won't be that much later to bed really.

coffeeforone · 29/12/2018 00:21

I think YABU as she is only 3. I don't think it's a big deal. Could she start nursery the next day?

Christmasisforadults2 · 29/12/2018 00:52

That's part of the fun of parenting, my dc come back from gp's and think they can't eat crap and not put their stuff away and get cheeky.
When they were little I got nanny would let me ride Thomas ( those machines outside shops) every time we passed one, drove me mad.
All you dc will remember is the fun they will have and I get your excited for their first day, but your putting to much on it.
She's going to have many late nights, other things will come up and plans will change, this isn't the time to start nip picking. If your car broke down and you got back late your dc would deal with it.
Yes they should of asked but I'm guessing they got over excited and made the booking.
Don't ruin that, just have a good rant on mn and to your dp.

DeepanKrispanEven · 29/12/2018 01:35

I wouldn’t have let my first child go off with anyone other than me and my husband, on an evening, in unfamiliar circumstances, not even my parents

That's just ridiculous. What on earth do you imagine is going to happen at a 5 p.m. performance that won't happen at a matinee?

Katinkka · 29/12/2018 01:46

Unclench.

E20mom · 29/12/2018 02:17

I'd just decline the invite.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 29/12/2018 03:41

. But I will be mentioning that in future they need to check with us beforehand or it’ll be a straight no

And you wonder why they don't have much to do with you. You sound like hard work OP.

Rednaxela · 29/12/2018 03:50

I'd be laughing in PILs face.

Oh how sweet, but haha not a chance, DC bedtime routine starts at 6pm so you'd only arrive to come back again! Tinkly laugh.

Is there a matinee that might work? Head tilt.

Look OP it's not neccessarily that PIL are being deliberately thick or controlling, it's that the finer details of caring for young children are really only relevant to their parents. So you will need to guide them accordingly.