Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed?

94 replies

saturdaynightgin · 28/12/2018 22:34

Another PIL one sorry!!

DD is due to start school on 7th Jan. She turned 3 a few weeks ago so we’ve been making a fuss about her starting ‘big’ school etc.

PIL briefly mentioned taking DD and her cousin to the local pantomime on the afternoon of the 6th - they didn’t ask if we had plans, just told us they’d booked the tickets. Luckily we had nothing on - it’ll be the first time they have DD on their own and I was quite happy about it. However, I’ve just found out that they’ve actually booked tickets for the evening showing instead so DD won’t be getting home til 7.30pm at the very earliest Angry

AIBU to be extremely annoyed by this? The likelyhood is that DD will fall asleep in the car on the way home as 7pm is her usual bedtime, so our whole evening bath/bed routine is not going to happen.

I’ve told DP that he needs to tell his parents that we are not at all happy about this. I’m tempted to say she can’t go, but PIL have only just started to take a real interest in our family so don’t want to do anything to push them away. I’m so so annoyed tho!! AngryAngry

OP posts:
Orlande · 29/12/2018 07:21

I'm not super strict on routines, but my children would have been super tired and grumpy at 3 if they missed two hours sleep.

Starting nursery school isn't a huge deal for an adult, but it's the biggest thing that's ever happened to a 3 year old. Even more so if it's in a new language too.

LL83 · 29/12/2018 07:39

Yabu to be annoyed.

When they suggested 6th of Jan you should have said, remember DD starts nursery on 7th so early show is best. You shouldn't expect them to link the school date to the panto date.

It's unfortunate timing. Either let her go and she may be tired or don't and be very kind/apologetic to grandparents that they have paid for ticket.

She might not sleep well that night anyway because she is nervous/excited.

LL83 · 29/12/2018 07:42

@rednaxela hope I never end up with an in law like you.

Do you not think it is more likely an error than a deliberate attempt to ruin bedtime routine? You sound hard work.

Rubusfruticosus · 29/12/2018 07:47

Send her in comfy clothes. Early bath if needed. Sleep in car then straight to bed, easy.

RayRayBidet · 29/12/2018 07:55

Really don't know why you are so worked up.
It's a one off. It is nice that she is spending time with her grandparents. Children are pretty adaptable.
It's nursery not school.
She will sleep well the next night.
Ask PIL to make sure she doesn't fall asleep on the way home.

Ski4130 · 29/12/2018 08:06

She’s 3, it’s not school, it’s nirsery and she’s a terrible sleeper anyway, so it’s not like you’ll be throwing out the routine of a child who has to have a definite bedtime routine, or is used to getting a good, solid amount of sleep. If you object because you genuinely think it doesn’t work for your child, all well advice good, don’t let her go. It sounds like you object mainly because it’s your in laws who’ve organised it, and you don’t like them. You can’t have it both ways, if they’re not involved they’re crap, but when they are involved you put blockers up. Sort your feelings out, decide what relationship you, dp and dc will/can have with them, then set your boundaries as to what’s acceptable/not.

Original poster
saturdaynightgin · 29/12/2018 08:09

GreatDuck the reason they’ve not bothered until recently is because DP (and his older sister) aren’t step mum’s children and her own daughter has always been their priority, but now that she’s older (20) and has a boyfriend, she spends less time with them and I think they’re a bit bored. DD sees them once every 6 weeks or so when they’re free.

Thank you everyone for your replies. As for those suggesting to start her a day later, I booked the day off work so I could be there to take her/pick her up, so starting her the following day means she’d be taken by her crèche instead.

As I said in my previous post, I’ll leave it up to DP on this occasion, so DD will still be going.

OP posts:
Mayrhofen · 29/12/2018 08:14

Personally I think it’s a massive over reaction. “Big school”, seriously?

She’s just turned 3, what will you call high school when the time comes, gigantic, humongous, proper school?

Let her go, it is a fabulous end to the Christmas holidays followed by....a day at nursery.

Original poster
saturdaynightgin · 29/12/2018 08:20

Mayrhofen big school because she refers to her crèche as school and sees other children in uniform walking to the local primary and asks why they don’t go to her school.

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 29/12/2018 08:21

So it's your step MIL? That explains why she's not been in your life that much then surely?

redexpat · 29/12/2018 08:22

Cant you send pjs and toothbrush with her. She can get into them at the theatre on the way home. Then fall asleep in the car, you can just carry her in.

tinstar · 29/12/2018 08:27

I'd be annoyed op - and it's exactly the sort of thing my ILS would have done.

I expect your dd will fall asleep in the car which will take the edge of her tiredness so she may take a while to get to sleep once she's in bed. Starting nursery is a big thing to your dd and I would want her to go in well-rested.

In your shoes I would at least ask in-laws if they could see about changing to a different day/time.

ChesterGreySideboard · 29/12/2018 08:29

Is her Crèche not in the same language as her nursery?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 29/12/2018 08:33

I'd be annoyed op - and it's exactly the sort of thing my ILS would have done

What sort of thing? Offer to take their GC to a panto at 5pm?

jasmine1971 · 29/12/2018 08:33

Let it go, let her go and let her have an amazing time.
She probably won't remember her first day at nursery but she will remember her fun times with her grandparents.
She'll have the chance to nap at nursery if she needs to catch up. It will all be fine.

Original poster
saturdaynightgin · 29/12/2018 08:39

GreatDuck DP’s step mum yes, but she has been married to DP’s dad since he was 8 and he had sole custody (DP’s mum left when DP was 2/3 and hasn’t been in his life much).

Chester not quite, its mainly English speaking with a small amount of Welsh, but DD is going to a Welsh Language school

OP posts:
tinstar · 29/12/2018 08:42

Great duck - arrange something without consulting me.

BookMeOnTheSudExpress · 29/12/2018 08:42

Your routine is going to be so shot to fuckery during the first few weeks of nursery you'll look back on the panto fiasco as a fond memory.

winsinbin · 29/12/2018 08:43

If she can’t start ‘big school’ the next day instead perhaps could you go in late?

If not, I agree, bath before panto and straight to bed when she gets home. She will be tired out by then so might sleep better than normal.

Kahlua4me · 29/12/2018 08:45

You may find that she will sleep better after being at the pantomime. Have her pyjamas ready as well as everything she needs for her first day at school so as to make it easy for you.

If she is already going to crèche it won’t be too different for her, she isn’t leaving you for the first time etc. Will all the others there be on their first day too? Does she know anybody else starting?

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 29/12/2018 08:46

When I thought it was proper school I got your point but nursery?

Let her go, she'll be fine for.one day and you're being a little precious about it.

OrdinarySnowflake · 29/12/2018 08:50

Thing is, a good preschool will have a whole settling routine set up, turning up late will mean that doesn't happen, and she'll be just expected to join in, which for a confident child will be fine, but a nervous one who's not been left in childcare before, would be setting up for bad feelings.

You know your child op, is she the sort to get scared by new experiences or take it in her stride? Have you left her before?

I wouldn't because the next day could be a bit hard for her if it's the first time away from Mummy, it's too late. If she has a bad experience on her first day of preschool you could have a right nightmare at drop off for months.

TeddybearBaby · 29/12/2018 08:55

I know right @LL83 @Rednaxela your message sent chills down my spine. It’s like the witch in the panto had arrived. Yuk.

If teaching your in-laws a ‘lesson’ by depriving your child making memories and being loved by as many people as possible makes you feel good then great but know it’s not in your child’s interest. It’s cos you’re on a power trip.

iamthewalrusgoogoogjoob · 29/12/2018 08:55

I honestly wouldn't give two shits about upsetting two people who haven't bothered with my family for years, and are only bothering now out of boredom. I'd be doing what suits my child.

diddl · 29/12/2018 09:01

I agree with iamthewalrus

They didn't check & it's not convenient.

Don't let your husband be blindsided by his dad & stepmum finally showing some interest such that he's so grateful he lets his kid be picked up & dropped at will.

Swipe left for the next trending thread