Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu saying I'm uncomfortable with his new 'friend'?

60 replies

2019iscoming · 28/12/2018 19:12

I posted about this a while ago but NC because other posts may out me. My OH and I used to be in an open relationship, but due to boundaries being broken I said enough is enough and said i wasn't comfortable with it anymore. He said he was okay with this but still wanted to see a girl he had planned to meet, but just as a friend. They had dinner and watched a movie. Since then they've been in daily contact which makes me quite uncomfortable, but not enough to say anything. But then today he says he's going out all day Sunday to her house to 'play games'. I said im not comfortable with that. He said I was being childish but I told him if he'd rather spend his time with this girl, than me and his daughter then I won't be here when he gets back. He called me manipulative and toxic. He says I'm not OK with him having friends and what do I want him to do, not talk to anybody? I told him that im perfectly happy for him to have friends. What I'm not okay with is him spending his only time off with a 'friend that he had feelings for, has seen naked and in sexual situations, and spending the day alone in her home. Aibu? Or am I in the wrong? Do I just forget it and tell him to go?

OP posts:
Wineandrosesagain · 28/12/2018 19:14

Yeah tell him to go and not to come back. That’s what I’d do.

Scarydinosaurs · 28/12/2018 19:14

Did you overstep the boundaries and this is his way of punishing you?

Or did he and this is further proof he can’t commit to you in a relationship?

2019iscoming · 28/12/2018 19:16

The boundaries were overstepped on his end, yes.

OP posts:
Letsmoveondude · 28/12/2018 19:17

why are you even asking? hes showing you he has some serious issues in regards to boundaries and other women, and his reply sounds quite guilty to me.

AnyFucker · 28/12/2018 19:18

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

LuckyLou7 · 28/12/2018 19:19

Tell him he can spend as much time as he likes with this girl. It sounds as if the relationship is over. Get shot of him. Find someone who respects you.

2019iscoming · 28/12/2018 19:20

Because he insists they're only friends. And I don't want to the the person who tells him who he can and can't contact

OP posts:
UnicornSlaughters · 28/12/2018 19:21

Fucking hell. Tell him to commit solely to you or fuck off. Is he really worth the upset?

AnyFucker · 28/12/2018 19:22

He is clearly a liar

And you are a doormat

mountainlakes · 28/12/2018 19:24

You do understand when he says 'games' he must mean sex?
He's showing you no respect. Put the bolt on the doors and leave him with his new girlfriend.

MimiSunshine · 28/12/2018 19:25

Just tell him that this ‘friebdship’ Is damaging your relationship so he has a choice.
Continue with the ‘friendship’ or your relationship but not both.

If his answer is anything along the lines of what “you’re being ridiculous/ making something out of nothing / controlling etc” then just tell him it’s over

OliviaBenson · 28/12/2018 19:27

I remember your other thread. He's cheating on you op. Please find it in you to end it. He's scum and has done a major number on you

SugarNyx · 28/12/2018 19:27

Wtf obvs your ynbu! He sounds like a cunt with no respect for you or your relationship- tell him to FO

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 28/12/2018 19:27

Hes a cheat. He’s going over to ‘play games’ (your quotes). You know he means have sex. Why are you doubting yourself?

He sounds a prize catch. I don’t like to say ltb but he’s so disgusting I can’t help it.

Out of interest what boundaries did he cross? Did he see women without your consent/knowledge? You know he just sees this as a ticket to shag around.

Jamiefraserskilt · 28/12/2018 19:30

How would this sit if the situation were reversed?

2019iscoming · 28/12/2018 19:31

The main issues that caused me to stop the open relationship was that he would bring it into our relationship. Like we'd be spending time together but sit next to me on dating apps or talking to other girls. Or bragging about who he was seeing to may see.

OP posts:
2019iscoming · 28/12/2018 19:32

He encouraged me to see other men and women(but would ask me not to discuss if it was a man)

OP posts:
ineedtostopbeingsolazy · 28/12/2018 19:33

He might not have wanted to stop the open part of your relationship but felt he had no choice. He's showing you he still wants an open relationship or isn't willing to stop seeing/sleeping with other women.

Drogosnextwife · 28/12/2018 19:33

Who's idea was it to have an open relationship in the first place?

Tell him that's fine he should go there to play games and take all his stuff. He's a twat!

Hoopaloop · 28/12/2018 19:33

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Kittykat93 · 28/12/2018 19:34

Bloody hell op. If you allow him to do this you're pretty much saying he can fuck whoever he wants. He's treating you like a complete mug, don't act like one.

2019iscoming · 28/12/2018 19:34

It was a mutual decision, however we've been togethwe for years, we have a daughter, and I don't want that life anymore. Haven't for quite a while.

OP posts:
BumbleBeee69 · 28/12/2018 19:36

Pack HIS stuff and leave it in its entirety at the front door for his return from his ‘fucking games day’ !? No pun intended Flowers

P.s. HE is the manipulative toxic scum bag here OP not you lady.

Jellybabie3 · 28/12/2018 19:37

Have to agree with pp that it sounds like he still wants an open relationship. I wouldnt trust him I am afraid - he is trying to have his cake...

labazs · 28/12/2018 19:42

thats the trouble with open relationships sounds fine in theory but there are too many boundaries crossed now you have decided its not for you and he half heartedly agrees to stop too but in theory hes not got any intent of stopping if you think he would spend a day playin games with her and not being with you on his day off and what sort of games i ask then you are kidding yourself chuck him out get a decent fella and think seriously if you ever decide on an open relationship again