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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sick of in-law threads?

102 replies

Alwaysonholiday · 28/12/2018 17:19

Just stop it.

OP posts:
Jog22 · 29/12/2018 09:24

Why do people moan about thread topics?Why should anyone give a shit what some stranger does or doesn't like to read. You're not that important.

JUST DON'T READ IT.

PippaParty · 29/12/2018 09:53

It's the men!

In my family anyway.

A brother who won't negotiate with his wife to be part of his (our) parents life; a step son who's wife is dominated by her family leaving no time for his own, a son who's gf makes decisions that he won't change.
The men in my life prefer a quiet life, accept that their wife's DM practically lives with them ,yet a two hour visit to his own DM is inconvenient; accept that their wives dominate arrangements, easier to upset their own mum than their wife; they don't communicate information, or set/challenge boundaries. Little respect for any of them!

Catsrus · 29/12/2018 10:14

Love my in-laws so much that made sure I kept good relationships with them post divorce (8yrs now) Still feel v much part of that extended family, go to weddings etc. Ex MIL came to our house for Xmas lunch (too far for her to drive to exH's these days and she loves being with the grandchildren). All good here.

Original poster
Alwaysonholiday · 29/12/2018 11:04

I do tend to keep away from those threads, it just so sad there are so many of them.

OP posts:
BookMeOnTheSudExpress · 29/12/2018 11:11

I agree OP and I speak as someone who was NC with mine for 11 yrs (for context I'm abroad and was told my baby belonged to them and if my family wanted to see her they would have to come here)

But on here? It's DilZilla heaven. Buying a granddaughter a present not expressly approved of? Taking a granddaughter to the theatre?

And all the "sil bought my son a present 3cm smaller than what I gave them"

It's proper batshit.

And either about demonstrating total control over the family unit, (a psych study in itself) or money. Which is very infra dig.

Confusedbeetle · 29/12/2018 11:18

I am a MIL to 2 great women. I am sure they would really like to moan about me but they don't. Of course, my relationship with my daughters is slightly different, how could it not be? I think I give my daughters a harder time that DIl and certainly am less polite. My DIL have my affection and respect and are great parents and wives, They are the number one women in my sons' lives and that's exactly how it should be. My SIL are brilliant husbands and fathers, kind and considerate men and good company. I get depressed at the posts

BookMeOnTheSudExpress · 29/12/2018 11:33

I do think it will be interesting in 20 yrs time though when the Dilzillas of today become Mils.
I shall sit back in my dotage and read about them thinking they were doing something kind for their grandchildren and having some screeching MNer on the phone about their presumptuous. Or about the fact they have to book a 5min slot 6 months in advance to see their own son.

JourneyToThePlacentaOfTheEarth · 29/12/2018 11:48

Pil came for Xmas, it was a lovely day and they were v complimentary about the meal I cooked and the fun they'd had. Both pils can be difficult at times but dh is v supportive and not a mummys boy. I love them to bits despite their funny ways and live close by. Dh is tolerant of my family too thank goodness!

Original poster
Alwaysonholiday · 29/12/2018 12:27

So great to read such positive posts.🤗

OP posts:
Schuyler · 29/12/2018 12:38

Oh the MILs are definitely moaning too but they’re on gransnet.

Caxx · 29/12/2018 13:12

I have 5 sons from the posts I have read on here I'm terrified of becoming a MIL

madmum5811 · 29/12/2018 13:20

MIL with two sons. I often back my DIL`S in a subtle way, because I know what idiots my sons can be. I am not blinded by their faults. I am lucky to have a great relationship with them and my sons

My own MIL/FIL were just the same I always knew they had my corner if my OH was being an idiot.

OrdinaryGirl · 29/12/2018 15:51

OP - your stance is a bit weird. You don't have to read the threads, and a lot of people post them precisely to get it off their chest so that they can go and be kind and patient and tolerant with their ILs in person. There are some lovely people on MN who I know personally who do have nightmare ILs. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Are you seriously saying ALL the people who post on MN about their experiences of terrible (in many instances cruel) behaviour at the hands of ILs are just self-righteous / rude / delusional / determined to see the bad in people / hypocritical / whiney snowflakes?

Original poster
Alwaysonholiday · 29/12/2018 16:16

Are you seriously saying ALL the people who post on MN about their experiences of terrible (in many instances cruel) behaviour at the hands of ILs are just self-righteous / rude / delusional / determined to see the bad in people / hypocritical / whiney snowflake

As you will see I've not posted that everyone is self-righteous/rude/delusions/determined to see the bad in people/hypocrital/whiney snowflake, Xmas Confused but don't let the truth get in the way of a jolly good rant!

I don't even know what a snowflake is, other than the obvious.

OP posts:
MsTSwift · 29/12/2018 16:16

When my sister had a baby and toddler she would go and stay with her in laws without her dh if he was working. Rang her once and she was sitting with a glass of champagne while her in laws took the kids to the park Grin. Her in laws are fab and have a rather difficult dd of their own so they love my sister as easy to get on with and normal unlike their own dd. My sister has found her mil more supportive of her working than our own mum. My other sisters mil is a party lady their Christmas lunch went on until 2am she is extremely grand and great fun. So jealous !

OrdinaryGirl · 29/12/2018 18:25

You mistake my tone. Not a rant - I am serene 😌 Just a bit baffled. You didn't say, but were implying, by 'AIBU to be sick of all the in-law threads?' and your subsequent comments, that the IL posts are all groundless.

But for clarity, YABU. Grin

Tantrumschmantrum · 29/12/2018 18:40

I think this is a pointless thread tbh. If the ILs are nice, then there wouldn't be a thread about them. If they are nice and DIL has written an unreasinable thread, mumsnet will hunt down the OP and make them feel like crap.

Would it be better that their problems were aired directly and a whole slanging match ensues and a family rift?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 29/12/2018 18:53

I don't see the thread as pointless. Thread after thread after thread of PIL bashing is a bit monotonous especially as they seem to be posters just moaning about really mundane things like too many presents, not enough presents, wanted to see GC, didn't want to see GC etc etc.

Although I think some of them are trolls tbf.

Aeroflotgirl · 29/12/2018 18:55

YababitU op, usually Christmas is a stressful time, which brings out tensions in families or the worse in some people. Some people come on here to vent safely.

planespotting · 29/12/2018 18:59

I love my MIL 😀💙😍
She is like a second mum to me

Mindfulofmuddle · 29/12/2018 19:03

Yes, that's reasonable - demand people don't talk about difficulties in their relationships with family members, on a forum for discussing family, parenting and relationship issues Hmm

bringincrazyback · 29/12/2018 22:14

So sorry it offends you, OP, but some of us have troublesome in-laws and need to talk about it.

BunsOfAnarchy · 29/12/2018 22:17

Did you not get the memo?

This is MN. This is what we do!

(FWIW my MIL was amazing. SILs are pretty horrific to me though)

CripsSandwiches · 29/12/2018 22:21

I have a son and daughter and the threads haven't put me off being a Mil (hopefully) one day. Unless I thought someone was actually at risk of harm I would never interfere, try to be helpful in her house on her terms and generally just try to rub along fairly easily.

When you do things like inventing rules for your grandkids in their own home, stealing stuff from their home, wanting to stay for months, inserting yourself into arguments between husband and wife etc then yes your daughter in law probably won't like having you around too much.

Cloglover · 29/12/2018 22:27

There are as many in law threads as family and friends threads. Why so touchy? If it bothers you so much stay away for your own sanity.x

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