The most difficult thing.. When do I accept this [Please note, thread concerns sexual abuse]

[thefinn]

I don't know if this should go under relationships or this, but I want fast opinions. So my parents divorced when my siblings and I were little, primary school age. Dm found this man, who abused me.. sexually. I couldn't tell my mum when this went on. I was age 16 and very naive about boys.. i got the courage to finally tell when I think 15 to 18 months of the torture had passed. After totally blowing up, and separating my mum made up with him. Christmas brings this to surface to me. I try to find it in me to forget forget and forgive. But nothing is, and I now do realise.. never will be like it once was. Why does this bring me down every xmas time... and the older i get .. how was this ever forgivable? Sorry about this rambling aibu. I know i am not.. but how do I feel normal around my own family again?

Not lecturing just saying there is no hard and fast rule. If going down the police route didn't work for you then I'm sorry, but it has helped others ( I don't include myself in that bracket) There are no rules to this massive mind fuck that is abuse, it is what helps the survivor.

If you reported to the police you can claim compensation from the government for things like this. I know it won't really help but at least you might feel that your suffering has been acknowledged.

It's on the government website, just search for criminal injuries.

How do you deduce going to the police has or hasn't helped me notmoving? I didn't make any reference to them in terms of my own case.

The pint you've missed entirely is, I did say to the OP was don't go down a road she isn't emotionally prepared for. You need to read comments fully before commenting

Good lord. That's appalling. I have name changed for this. Allegations were made against a close family member decades ago which, following therapy, I have come to believe are likely to be true. I have been very LC with them for years - my skin crawls whenever they touch me. Xmas is the worst, as playing happy families does my head in. This individual is now very old and not a threat to anyone, but I still hate it. I cannot imagine what it is like for you to see your mother have a relationship with someone who abused you. Its horrific. to you OP

OK flower.

Point taken. Feel better now? This was a comforting supportive thread, no one had any right answers for the OP, we just gave honest answers to the same type of abuse issues and what we had all experienced from the fall out.

Yeah. As I know the man has no children in his life and I don't have to deal with him/them, I won't put myself through a police investigation after all this time. I was surprised the holidays affected me and thanks to all of you I realise I don't even really have to put up with it on holidays. Thanks for everyone's posts...they meant more than you'll know

Moving

You clearly are choosing to read my post in an unfavourable manner & making a choice to comment in the manner you ar. Up to you of course but only you are turning this into something it doesn't need to be.