To wonder if middle class children appear more ‘scruffy’

[Workingclass]

Went to a Childs party today for an old school friends DD (they are incredibly middle class) and her group of mum friends (who are equally as middle class)

I admit I don’t usually socialise in many middle class circles but I couldn’t help but notice that all of the children looked... scruffy, for want of a better word.

None of them had brushed their hair, they were all in mismatched clothes with muck on their faces. Didn’t look bathed..

I feel awful saying it, but I notice this also with the MC children at the DC school, has anyone else noticed it? I’m just curious as to why this seems to be a thing? Does my dds plaits and dresses ‘out’ her as having a working class family?

Is it more of a privilege thing? We don’t have much money so am weary of being judged as lazy by not doing her hair, I also make an effort to dress her nicely so she doesn’t look like ‘the poor kid’ is it that if your middle class you don’t have that fear?

Absolutely happy to be told IABU and judgemental but I am genuinely curious on the subject.

Jogging bottoms are tracksuit bottoms. But the Jersey type not the shiney 'designer' type

C'mon guys it does sometimes spill into unacceptable- no socks ?? That's really uncomfortable for the Dcs ditto too small clothes or weather inappropriate stuff. I know I feel best if I am wearing clean well fitting clothes, appropriate for the circumstances, why would dcs be any different ?

I had never connected it before this thread but I come from an MC background and DH from a WC background. He worries about mud and dirt on DS' clothes and him having a clean face. I am much more relaxed about it all and just point out that clothes can be washed and children should be free to get muddy when playing.

@ohtheroses maybe the help was getting the children ready in the morning so kept them looking neat?

The test had me as 'established middle class' . To be fair, DD does often wear hand me downs to muck about in, but she is always clean and fairly well-presented. I wonder if that will still be the case when she's old enough to dress herself.

Oh and DH wears soft brightly coloured clothes which don't look as smart as a lot of the children I see around but I don't give a fig as long as DS is happy.

The test put me at elite which is absolute rubbish. I’d say I’m lower middle class and DH is established middle.

I don't buy it as a class signifier. I work in a very disadvantaged area and see many dirty/scruffy children in jersey jogging bottoms. I doubt it's because they are middle/upper class.

There is a fair bit of stereotyping and exaggeration on this thread I think. I suppose I am mostly in middle class circles (I’m foreign myself). Most people I know have clean tidy reasonable well turned out children and houses. Maybe not matchy matchy frills, designery outfits and shiny shoes but nor is this filthy unkempt thing something I have come across. I know one or two families who fit the profile of dogs, ancient clothes and dirty floors but they are no smarter than anyone else...

I've noticed this too. I'm middle class with two scruffy kids. I live in a middle class area where all the kids are scruffy.

I'm amazed when I go back to my (working class) hometown at how overdressed and decorated the kids are.

From my experience overdressing and overspending and overgrooming and overcleaning are largely working class traits. I don't think it's a middle class privilege, I think it's just indicative of different value sets.

A different style of dressing maybe but scruffy as in dirty and unkempt? Not so much IME.

Finally caught up! I honestly didn’t start this thread from a place of judgement. Just observation and curious as to if it was a ‘thing’ and tbh, more so if my DD looking ‘smart’ was disadvantaging her with well of peers as if she’s being written off as poor because of my attempts to make her not look poor iyswim.

It’s interesting though that some with ‘scruffy’ kids do clearly subconsciously judge those with less scruffy kids. Comments such as ‘kids need to be comfy and scruffy to play’ and ‘we prioritise money on activities’ etc. I’d never tell my daughter she can’t get muddy because of her clothes, or deny her activities so I can buy nice clothes!
It’s also interesting that a lot of people deny class is a thing, certainly being working class I’m very aware of my class and position.
I do see hair brushing the same way as teeth cleaning though, non negotiable.

It’s interesting though that some with ‘scruffy’ kids do clearly subconsciously judge those with less scruffy kids.

Don't worry.....there are plenty of posters knocking scruffy, unwashed and undisciplined middle class kids with parents who can't be arsed, to balance it out.

Surely it's about context? Mine (well the oldest, my 6 yr old boy's hair rarely gets brushed and doesn't really need it) brush their hair for school, beavers/cubs, riding, gym, going out for a meal, see grandparents etc. Going out to play? To the shops? See friends? Maybe not.

context - now why would you say something as sensible as that?!

I came out as elite on the BBC quiz even though DH and I both work in education. He had a better paid job once upon a time so we do have quite an expensive house and I don't know any lorry drivers.

I am definitely vair middle class though - I have holidays in a French gite and my DC eat houmius and olives. However, I have never bought anything from Boden or Joules as they're much too expensive and I don't like the adult stuff. My kids are dressed entirely in supermarket clothes, with a few charity shop bits mixed in. And they get their hair brushed every day. Don't the middle class DC with scruffy hair have to have it tied back for school?

I am not British but have lived my life since small child in London. so sometimes I have an ‘outsider’s eye’ re class here. However the survey put me in elite which I think is accurate.
I have lots of friends whose children and who themselves are happy to be scruffy sometimes in the most unusual settings eg they would never particularly ‘dress up’ for opera or ballet. The social confidence that allows that is almost impossible to adopt by those who don’t really have it I think.

Some Friends of mine also revel in the fact their children are allowed to be ‘feral’ - ie scruffy etc - I find this embarrassing or just kind of a sad (because it actually underlines that those parents are not easy or comfortable with what they are trying to portray about themselves) when it is affected and it often is affected.

The perniciousness of class awareness andnprediice in this country means those ‘try hard parents’ are never identified by those they strive to be as being ‘one of us’. Class labels are so strong here so deeply ingrained.

I always find it refreshing to be in cultures where class divides are more democratic (odd juxtaposition) or based on more meaningful indicators. All very complex. Sad that so many spend
So much time striving to be other.

You’ve only got to walk around a national trust property to confirm op’s observations. Long,unbrushed hair, faded polo shirts,mucky faces. DB and SIL are ‘middleclass’ and I’ve never once seen their children look tidy and presentable,ditto their friends children at parties. They buy second hand clothes and wear worn out hand-me-downs. If I dressed DS like that I’d worry that people would think we were struggling for money. They’re confident in their wealth and so don’t fear any judgement.

This thread is designed so that middle class people can be snooty about working class people for not letting their kids play freely. At the same time working class people can ponder why middle class kids are so badly turned out.
I also hate it when middle class people comnent on how many gifts working class kids get.

I hate the class system; it's so embarassing but clearly it isn't going anywhere soon.

Just for a laugh; middle class people are probably too busy agonising about what type of avocado to buy from Waitrose whilst working class people buy all their designer goods on credit.

Surely there is a middle ground..presentable without being too starched?

I can't believe the generalisations on this thread!

Is anyone actually familiar with any real 'working class' children?
From what I've seen the last thing their parents would do is ensure clean clothes, maintained cut hair etc.

I've not trawled through 30 (?) pages so sorry if I'm repeating anything. When we worked and lived alongside the military there was a clear difference between the families of Officers who were always ex-Sandhurst and those who were commissioned from the ranks, The ones who had come up through the ranks were very, very well presented, I had one friend who never left her bedroom in the morning without her hair done and full make-up, she was immaculate at the bus-stop, the wives of the ex-Sandhurst wives were there often with a dressing gown thrown over pj's! The same applied largely to their children too, some were almost feral where was the through the ranks' children were immaculate.

I think it's about not needing to make a point, some can afford to say 'take me as I am', others need to retain a facade.

I honestly didn’t start this thread from a place of judgement

So why namechange?

I’d like to think we’ve found that middle ground. DS has play clothes that he can be comfortable and dirty in and smart clothes for cinema/meals out etc. However, he always has a face wash and hair brush before we leave anywhere and when he was little any snot would be wiped away not left to encrust all over his face.

This thread has answered a question that has baffled me for several years. My ExH was not a nice man, we clashed on a lot of things but one thing that I really remember was a Saturday trip into town. I was ready in two minutes waiting downstairs for him to leave the house. He took ages getting ready. He went ballistic at me for not getting dressed up. I said "but we're only going shopping...." He genuinely believed it was important to put your smart stuff on to go into town on a Saturday afternoon. It never occurred to me. I think I may have middle class leanings. His dad used to hide the 'Sun' inside his 'Telegraph'. His parents house was sterile in its immaculateness. My parents was dog hair and damp and stuff everywhere. I think we were poorer but our life and world views were very different. I'm arty-farty and never quite 'fitted in' where we grew up. It drove him nuts that I really don't care what I look like. He's now married to a woman who wears all the make up, wears all the 'right' clothes and has the empty, white house with a BMW and an Audi on the drive. We get on better-ish now but he still shakes his head at my outfits and my two slightly feral children (not his) and his wife has a perpetual look of disgust on her face but I am comfortable in my skin and happy!
So I think the point of my post is that I may actually be MC despite my lifelong belief that I'm WC and he is WC despite his lifelong desire to appear MC!

I name changed because the mums at the party are fairly obviously mumsnetters and don’t want it to be associated with my usual name!