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AIBU?

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Original poster

Domestic toys

52 replies

Kismetjayn · 27/12/2018 14:23

OH thinks I am being completely unreasonable. I am irritated.

PIL know DD(3) likes superheroes, various cartoons, ballet. They asked for vague ideas pre-christmas.

She was given a toy washing machine.

She did have other toys, but I am irritated that she has been given a domestic appliance toy that she didn't ask for and isn't related to any of her interests. The feminist aspect bothers me and I hate giving little girls domestic toys generally, but also the fact that they've not listened to her interests at all. Not to mention it's fairly large and we don't have space for it.

OH thinks taking away her toy will have a more negative impact on her, I think she won't even notice (I put it in the cupboard, it hasn't been asked for since.)

OP posts:
Sirzy · 27/12/2018 14:25

You are over thinking it

No reason any child can’t enjoy any toy. Your basically saying girls can’t have those toys which is as bad as saying boys can’t would be.

Cherries101 · 27/12/2018 14:28

You are the parent. If you don’t want her to have a toy, remove it. However, a child of that age should be able to have fun with any toy.

RitaTheBeater · 27/12/2018 14:30

If she’s not playing with it and you don’t have the room for it offer it to her playgroup of nursery.

Or put it away and hope you have a boy later and give it to him.

Camomila · 27/12/2018 14:32

Does she have a toy kitchen? Maybe they saw it in the shop and thought 'aah that goes with her kitchen'

Sirzy · 27/12/2018 14:32

You are the parent. If you don’t want her to have a toy, remove it.

She is one of the parents. Doesn’t give her the right to override her husband enough

Original poster
Kismetjayn · 27/12/2018 14:50

No, she doesn't have a toy kitchen. We don't have space and she really isn't that interested in that kind of toy (which is a relief to me as so far I've been able to skirt the issue.)

There will be no future LOs, of any gender, she's my only.

OP posts:
fezzesarecool · 27/12/2018 15:03

Tbh I love any toy that encourages dd and ds to help out around the house! Dd’s had a play kitchen and ds has a washing machine and got a hoover for Christmas as he loves our real one.

I do think though in your situation that they shouldn’t have given dd this kind of present if it’s not one of her interests. But maybe it came from a place of getting her something different.

However she’s been given it now, let her enjoy it. It’s a bit mean to hide it away. Plus their interests changes all the time, dd loved pirates and is in her princess phase. Ds actually loves the princess toys and they both had supermario toys and he prefers the princess peach car toy above the rest. I’m not about to hide it away or push the male figures at him. It’s their toys to enjoy the way they want to.

I do think you are over thinking it as you always hear, for example little boys going straight to the ‘girl’ toys if they don’t have them at home. Ds is also into playing with make up at the minute too but myself and oh see it as a bit of fun for him.

Although if you have a strong opinions you need to talk it out with dh and see where you can meet in the middle. You both have a right to your opinion and if something isn’t doing any harm then one parent doesn’t have the right to over ride the other.

Bugsymalonemumof2 · 27/12/2018 15:06

Avoiding kids playing with things because they are gendered is just as bad as forcing them to play with something for the same reason and both reinforce the stereotype. Shift it if she doesn't play with it but don't just for the sheer he'll of stereotypes.

DinoDave · 27/12/2018 15:08

I’ve never met a 2 or 3 year old that didn’t like to imitate or help tbh, it’s a normal part of development.

Presumably she sees the washing machine being used by adults? If you stop being ridiculous and get over the chip on your shoulder then I bet she’d love playing with it.

Dothehappydance · 27/12/2018 15:09

Our washing machine is one of the best loved toys we have had. Everything gets washed in there, including cars. Washing, cooking, cleaning is a part of life and a lot of play is imitation. I'm with your OH on this.

HolesinTheSoles · 27/12/2018 15:11

I know what you mean but wouldn't dwell on it too much, If you don't have space for it don't keep it out but don't worry about it too much. My DS loved domestic toys - probably because he saw them being used so much (apart from the ironing board - he had to ask what that toy was meant to be at playgroup). I do think it's a shame it's pushed so much onto girls and not boys (my MiL always claimed to be very gender neutral but when DS wanted a dustpan and brush steered him away and straight to some cars).

BuffaloCauliflower · 27/12/2018 15:12

I get why you’re annoyed, they’ve bought something they think your DD should what rather than what she actually wants. I think domestic toys like this are great though, for girls and boys, there’s nothing wrong with them in and off itself, children like acting out what grown ups do.

Lazypuppy · 27/12/2018 15:14

I don't really see the issue? annoying they didn't buy something you suggested but a toy is a toy

Confusedbeetle · 27/12/2018 15:14

I would encourage both a little boy and a little girl to play at household games. They are all going to have those things to do. Open their minds, not close them. Denial is as bad as gender toys. Everyone has pants that need washing, everyone should do it. Not a gender toy in my book. Now don't get me on Barbies.......

Confusedbeetle · 27/12/2018 15:16

Also, there is a problem in the phrase, she got a toy she hadnt asked for. Oh the Wishlist monster or should I say shopping list? They prob saw it and liked it

JoeLycettsSparklyArmSling · 27/12/2018 15:18

Would it have bothered you as much if your DD was a DS and received a “domestic toy”? I don’t mean that to sound prickly but is it the connotations about a girl having a toy like that?

MamaLovesMango · 27/12/2018 15:19

I think from the feminist POV you’re overegging it. We had a toy kitchen for DD1 and ended up giving it to two brothers when we wanted to get rid of it. All her male cousins and friends liked playing with it too. I wouldn’t have excluded her from the fun on the off chance it sent the wrong message.

However, YANBU to be miffed that her GPs didn’t listen or don’t know her well enough to pick a thoughtful gift that plays to her interests and wants. I have this problem with one set of GPs and it is frustrating and telling. They simply haven’t built enough of a relationship with her to know what she loves and what she won’t be bothered about, which is sad.

SoupDragon · 27/12/2018 15:22

I don't think it's a big deal but, on the other hand, I bet the GPs wouldn't have bought a toy washing machine that a grandson had no interest in.

Dotty1970 · 27/12/2018 15:25

Your being rediculous, my dd and ds loved these types of toys amongst a wide variety of other types, it's good for their development.
It's mean taking it away and very silly really

NerrSnerr · 27/12/2018 15:27

What's wrong with a toy kitchen? My 4 year old girl and 1 year old boy spent about half an hour playing with theirs today? Having a little tea party and then both bringing me plates of play food.

NerrSnerr · 27/12/2018 15:27

They also both love the toy hoover.

Nat6999 · 27/12/2018 15:34

I bought my DS a kitchen when he was nearly 3, it got played with for years, along with the early learning till & the 3 wheeler buggy, the same Christmas someone bought him a work bench with power tools, he never touched that, he preferred to play with his kitchen. At that age there aren't boys or girls toys, they are justtoys for children to play with.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 27/12/2018 15:35

Our DS loved his toy washing machine - still plays with it occasionally aged 6. We're not so keen as it's so incredibly noisy

Domestic appliance toys are often seen as fun by - and can be a good early learning aid for - girls and boys. As your daughter falls into one of these two categories of children, there's no reason why it wouldn't be a fun toy for her, should it take her interest.

It's the same principle as when people hold doors for those behind them. If a man only ever holds the door for women behind him but shuts them in men's faces, that's sexist. If he holds them for everybody behind him, that's just good manners. If there's only one person behind him, and she happens to be a woman - and he holds the door for her - that doesn't change his well-mannered intentions in any way.

They're just giving a child a toy that a lot of children of her age would like. Yes, they could have given her something more tailored to your suggestions, but I think they've given it out of kindness and not as a deliberate snub to you.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 27/12/2018 15:37

I don't think it's a big deal but, on the other hand, I bet the GPs wouldn't have bought a toy washing machine that a grandson had no interest in.

How can you possibly know that? Are you acquainted with them?

AloneLonelyLoner · 27/12/2018 15:40

I had a super toy kitchen as a kid that my dad lovingly made. I’m the C.O.O of an international tech company. I have a house husband, kids and never, ever cook anything.