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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To leave almost 8 year old in house alone while I go to the shop?

137 replies

Weebitawks · 27/12/2018 08:02

So I want to pop to the shop (less than 5 minute walk) to get some nice things in for us for breakfast. DS7 (almost 8) understandably doesn’t want to get dressed and come. Would I be unreasonable to just take toddler DS?

DS is sensible and would I imagine just sit in front of the telly. I don’t think he’d get up to anything and I’d lock the door. I’ve just never done it before so I don’t know?

Sorry for boring post.

OP posts:

Kikipost · 27/12/2018 12:03

Child dependent

With my two, yes I would

Laureline · 27/12/2018 12:09

I don’t but DP does. Compromise is that he texts me when he does go out and come back in... (when I’m at work obviously)

Cachailleacha · 27/12/2018 12:55

She said she wasn't worried about the kids but what if on her way to the shop something happened to her (God forbid she got ran over or something) and she couldn't get back to the house... I don't understand this argument because if the worst happened I would rather my child was safe at home, even not knowing where I was, than being run over themselves or seeing it happen to me.

PinaColada1 · 27/12/2018 12:58

No I wouldn’t. I think kids get more confident by being eased into independence, by going through what they might be worried about, what to do etc, and doing it when they are well mature enough.

Never understood this chucking kids into independence without thought.

KimchiLaLa · 27/12/2018 12:59

Totally depends on the child. Should be fine for a few mins if the child is sensible. If they are just a ball of raging naughtiness then no.

ThereWillBeAdequateFood · 27/12/2018 13:00

She said she wasn't worried about the kids but what if on her way to the shop something happened to her (God forbid she got ran over or something) and she couldn't get back to the house...

it’s exceptionally unlikely to be run over on your way back from the shops.
if the worst did happen and I didn’t come home. The 7 year old would know to phone their dad or one of the grandparents.

I honestly don’t think we do kids any favours trying to keep them 100% safe all the time. Life is no where near 100% safe. Far better to teach them how to cope with life’s obstacles than try and remove them all the time.

elliejjtiny · 27/12/2018 13:02

I've got a nearly 8 year old and wouldn't leave him. He would probably use the opportunity to do something he knows he's not allowed though like abseiling down the side of the bunkbed.

ThereWillBeAdequateFood · 27/12/2018 13:03

Never understood this chucking kids into independence without thought

How is leaving a nearly 8 year old alone for 15 minutes chucking them into independence? I’m sure the kids been in a separate room in the house on their own for far longer than 15 minutes.

Loftyswops988 · 27/12/2018 13:05

Depends on the kid, and whether or not it would actually be 5 minutes. If the shop is literally along the street and your DS is just chilling watching TV and is mature enough to know to call you if anyone comes to the door etc then yes. But if the shop is further away and you won't actually just be 5 minutes its different

OlennasWimple · 27/12/2018 13:10

I've shown my 8 yo how to use the phone so that she can call us if there's a problem, and left a list of phone numbers of family friends that she can also call if for some reason she can't reach us and it's an emergency (not just "can I have a biscuit"). Interesting that aspect wasn't covered much in the (otherwise good) NSPCC booklet linked upthread

happyinherts · 27/12/2018 13:12

Why not just send the 8 year to the shops and stay in with the toddler? I'd certainly be training a 7 nearly 8 year told to do that.

DoingMyBest2010 · 27/12/2018 13:17

nope

Satsumaeater · 27/12/2018 17:13

No. it's not so much that anything will happen to them but it might happen to you. If there are no busy roads to cross, then perhaps ok.

MepsiPax · 27/12/2018 17:13

I personally think that 8 is too young to leave a child at home alone. But,it very much depends on the maturity of the child. If YOU personally feel confident and happy about leaving him for what sounds to me like a fairly short time,then you are the best judge of that. No one else knows your child better.
My (adult) DD were talking about this very subject a few days ago. The subject arose because she is at loggerheads about it with her MIL about leaving her DD (aged 12) alone at home while she pops out for half an hour or so to the local shops. DGD is mature for her age,doesn't do anything she's been told not to whilst home alone,and has her own mobile phone,so she could phone her DM if there were any problems. Added to which,her DM would literally be only 5 minutes away (walking). But DD's MIL is adamant that it is illegal to leave a child under the age of 14 alone at home. She said that if someone reported you,'you would probably have your child taken into care'. Slightly over the top,I think! And for what it's worth,my DD's DH is adamant that his DM left him alone at home from the age of 11! A case of double standards,I suspect.

Satsumaeater · 27/12/2018 17:14

it’s exceptionally unlikely to be run over on your way back from the shops

yes but not impossible. Too high a risk for me. I think I first left my ds on his own when he was about 9/10.

Satsumaeater · 27/12/2018 17:17

DD's MIL is adamant that it is illegal to leave a child under the age of 14 alone at home

Nonsense propagated by the NSPCC. And completely ridiculous, how is it more dangerous to stay at home than walk to school?

However, while you wouldn't have your child taken into care, there were a couple of cases a year or two ago when people popped out to the shops and left quite young children at home and the police came calling. You don't want social services around if you can help it.

Nineoutoftenducks · 27/12/2018 17:17

At age 8 they walk to and fro to the bus stop for school so I'd leave them, admittedly the bus stop isn't far but it's a bit of independence.

Gotstuckwiththisname · 27/12/2018 17:20

It depends on the child I think.

I've not done it yet, but in theory, I'd be happy to leave my very sensible 8 year old alone for 10 mins. She knows about 999 and not to answer the door. Our neighbours are very close and she would feel confident asking any of them for help if needed.

I'm probably overthinking it because she'd probably be so engrossed in her book / telly / youtube that she wouldn't even notice I'd gone!

Applepudding2018 · 27/12/2018 17:22

If you are locking the door make sure he has a key he can use to let himself out in case of fire.

Do you have a house landline phone or a second mobile - make sure you and he are able to contact each other if there's an emergency.

Make sure he can dial 999 and that he understands when it's appropriate to do this. And that he understands not to open door.

OutPinked · 27/12/2018 17:41

Depends on the child as PP’s have said. My 8 year old DS has been left a fair few times and I trust him completely. He is very sensible and has a high level of common sense so would know how to escape if a random fire occurred and knows not to answer the door. He just sits playing on his Xbox the whole time so really isn’t arsed. I’ve left him for 15 minutes max and did leave him when he was seven.

My 7 and 6 year old DD’s on the other hand, I definitely wouldn’t trust.

BottleOfJameson · 27/12/2018 17:59

I don't understand this argument because if the worst happened I would rather my child was safe at home, even not knowing where I was, than being run over themselves or seeing it happen to me.

I think the issue is whether or not they'd know how to get help and whether they'd be safe for an extended period of time.

whittingtonmum · 27/12/2018 18:02

I am leaving my 8 year old with the iPad while I drop his sister at ballet class every week for about 20 minutes. There have been no problems so far with this arrangement.

CandyCreeper · 27/12/2018 18:06

I have.

ChristmasSnow · 27/12/2018 18:10

At that age (8) they can walk to school alone, go to the swimming pool without an adult etc. I don’t think being left alone in their home for 15 minutes is a bigger risk???

NOT IN THE UK

3out · 27/12/2018 18:17

I’m in Scotland, and you can.

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