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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for general reassurance? Think I massively embarrassed myself re meeting bfs family for the first time

112 replies

Magentaorwagenta · 27/12/2018 07:54

For context. Never met them before. Fairly new relationship. About 5 months.

Last night bf supposed to come over but parents having people over. His sister drove him and suggested he invite me and she drive us back. if I'm honest I felt like if I'd have had more wanting id have said no I'm not ready, the house is a mess I'm knackered, but was aware his sister would have heard me make excuses and I was worried it would have been rude.

I had run out of anything to bring except a big bottle of prosecco ( one of those double ones from Lidl) expecting everyone to drink it. Except I was the only one and I ended up rat arsed!! I was quite nervous and basically didn't say much and was clearly quite sozzled. Not lary, not inappropriate, quietly quite drunk. Boyfriend seemed obviously embarrassed and took me to bed.

I'm mortified. Rethinking whole relationship and my own relationship with prosecco. I shouldn't have gone and shouldnt have drunk nearly as much as I did and I'm mortified I was disrespectful and spoilt their evening. Thinking about breaking up with new boyfriend. Talk me down or tell me straight. How bad is it??

OP posts:
Original poster
Magentaorwagenta · 27/12/2018 08:20

Thanks mawkish. They really were nice, especially his parents, but I think they are the kind of people who do a lot of banter and I really am not brilliant at taking straight talking banter, it embarrasses me!

OP posts:
jessstan2 · 27/12/2018 08:20

Please don't be embarrassed. You're not the first to have a bit too much to drink at Christmas and you sound a bit shy, I'm sure everyone could see that. They probably like you! Let it go.

Flowers but no more Wine for a while. x

Original poster
Magentaorwagenta · 27/12/2018 08:21

I agree. Drinking too much was indeed the problem and I know I shouldn't shy away from that but head it face on

OP posts:
LuckyAmy1986 · 27/12/2018 08:21

Sounds like you did nothing wrong. Were they welcoming to you when you arrived? Talk to you much? Its sad that you think your bf is embarrassed of you

Original poster
Magentaorwagenta · 27/12/2018 08:25

I think it probably says more about me than him tbh - I think hes quite reserved and private about his personal life , probably a bit repressed in some ways- and I'm quite self blaming and take things personally too much. I doubt that he actually is hugely embarrassed, as nothing really happened, but I guess I am imagining that he was embarrassed of me, when really I'm just embarrassed of myself. If that makes sense

OP posts:
rainbowstardrops · 27/12/2018 08:27

So have you spoken to him this morning as you said he's at work?
Assume you're not still at his parent's house?
Talk to him

DameSquashalot · 27/12/2018 08:29

I totally agree with Ullupullu. Don't send flowers.

R0binh0 · 27/12/2018 08:30

It sounds like (apart from your own hang-xiety) the only person who has an issue with what happened is your boyfriend, and he really didn't help the situation/created it in the first place by pushing you into an uncomfortable position.

Laugh it off with the family and arrange something on your terms. If BF still has a problem, it is HIS problem.

LuckyAmy1986 · 27/12/2018 08:31

Yes I know what you mean, but you shouldn’t have to feel that about yourself. You should feel like the person you are with is proud to be with you!

Original poster
Magentaorwagenta · 27/12/2018 08:32

He gave me a lift home on the way to work so I only had a chance to call up the stairs thank you for having me! And then scarpered. So I'm at home he is at work. Yes I should talk to him. There is a distinct lack of phoning in between the times we see eachother and not many texts , and I guess I need to do some phoning to get the communication rolling better. To be fair, he is always nice and kind and absolutely never mean and shows he likes me in lots of ways which I appreciate

OP posts:
Lordamighty · 27/12/2018 08:41

Just apologise to him for last night & take it from there. “Sorry I had too much to drink, I was incredibly nervous about meeting your family”.

Birdsgottafly · 27/12/2018 08:42

People on MN always seen very formal and well behaved. Doing what you did would be laughed about (in a good way), in the circles that I mix in.

What happened gave rise to lots of banter opportunities, which makes the night go well.

Don't send flowers, keep things relaxed and normal, as said, it's Christmas and you were nervous, so got drunk, it happens.

empa · 27/12/2018 08:45

I think the family were entertained, rather than horrified.

I wouldn't think badly of you at all, I'd be pleased that my son had acquired a normal girlfriend at last.

Ethel36 · 27/12/2018 08:48

First time i met my boyfriend's family i got drunk and spilt a glass of eine all over their new carpet! I was full of anxiety and so shy about meeting them and drank too much. Like you I was cringing the next day and was so embarrassed. But we 're still together 18 years later! Your boyfriend knows that you're not normally like that and it was a one off! Next time you meet them...Don't drink a single drop of booze!

BlancheM · 27/12/2018 08:55

I might have read it wrong but if your bf's sister turned up unexpected at yours when you had no time to prepare, weren't ready and were not expecting anything other than seeing your bf that night then they were both rude. You were massively on the spot and clearly felt intimidated. Your bf should've been reassuring you and included you.
The people taking the piss out of you were being dicks as well. You need to have a good rapport to banter with people- not just start picking on the new, nervous person who hasn't met any of you before.
Fuck, I'm not surprised you're feeling bad about this but it's not your fault.

Kittykat93 · 27/12/2018 09:00

Jesus Christ don't send flowers or make some big apology! You had a few too many. You didn't get on the table and do a strip tease or go round calling his nan a bitch.

I really think you're overthinking it.

Original poster
Magentaorwagenta · 27/12/2018 09:02

Thanks blanche. I think they got carried away with the Xmas spirit to be fair And just thought 'the more the merrier'

OP posts:
GColdtimer · 27/12/2018 09:09

You are over thinking. Not helped by the few people on the thread saying "well you did drink too much". It's Christmas, you were nervous. Don't send flowers or a card, I'm sure it was way worse in your head than reality.

Original poster
Magentaorwagenta · 27/12/2018 09:14

I was unable to speak properly that's not a good look is it and had to stagger off! But hopefully it will be absorbed into the mists of time. And I can't be everyone's cup of tea all the time, I have to remind myself of that

OP posts:
JonSnowsCloak · 27/12/2018 09:15

It's Christmas! You've got the beer fear, it's not like you did anything bad, next time you see them just make a joke of it. First time I met my boyfriend's family we were going bowling first then back to his, he dropped it in 'Oh just so you know my mum's in tonight' like it wasn't a big deal. Got there and it was a gathering, his nan and aunties all there too! I'm quite shy at first but cracked on. 20 minutes in I looked down and still had my bowling shoes on!!!!! They probably thought I was a right dozy cow. Grin

SmokeGetsInYourEye · 27/12/2018 09:16

I agree you are overthinking this. So you were nervous and drank too much but you weren't a twat with it. You just got quietly drunk - I think once you get to know his family and they see that you are normally sober, you'll be laughing about this in years to come. Unless you always do this and have a problem - just be honest about being nervous - it's a normal human reaction and laugh it off.

Ali1cedowntherabbithole · 27/12/2018 09:26

While I don’t think it was your finest hour, it doesn’t sound like the hosting was amazing.

Where were the parents saying ^Magenta come and meet Jeremy - he has interesting job / hobby” ?

Why did your boyfriend leave you in the corner with the prosecco, why not take care of you as his guest?

Why didn’t your boyfriend offer you a soft drink or help you out when it was obvious that you only had the prosecco for company?

iloveruby · 27/12/2018 09:40

Yep, I agree with Ali1ce - your boyfriend should have spent more time making sure you were ok, and not letting you sit in a corner.
But, you've really got nothing to apologise for! Likewise, if your boyfriend was embarrassed then I would see that as a red flag- he should be more interested in your comfort than in what other people think.

CherryPavlova · 27/12/2018 09:46

Not a good look but will live as an amusing moment for years to come. Nobody will really care and nobody will assume you’re a raging alcoholic- just a little nervous. Move on. If mentioned just laugh and say thank goodness it wasn’t whiskey.

gamerwidow · 27/12/2018 09:53

19 years ago on one of my first times staying with my DH’s family we went out to a family dinner. I got very nervous and drank a lot of wine so much so that I was loud and hugging all his family members who I have never met. That night his dad found me locked in a cupboard which I had wandered in thinking it was the toilet (thankfully realising my mistake though and not using it as one). Next day my DH was mortified but my DMIL gave me a hug and took me out for breakfast. We still laugh about it 19 years on and it is now family legend. I doubt you were this bad and I’m sure they won’t hold it against you.

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