To feel jealous of my sister?

[Jodielie]

Basically she doesn't work because she doesn't want to, so lives off benefits, but has managed to buy her dd everything she asked for for Christmas. Then posts pictures on Facebook of her dd and all her new toys.

Me and dp both work but don't earn a lot so after paying bills and rent we aren't left with much spare cash. Our dd didn't get even half of what her cousin got.

They are both similar ages and into the same things. Those familiar with LOL dolls will know how expensive they are. We got dd 3 capsules £15 each and her cousins got the LOL big surprise £60 and a few capsules and a biggie LOL Pets too. She makes whatever we buy look pointless!

She's very generous with gifts too and ours look worthless compared to hers .

It's really got me feeling down as she also has been able to spend all Christmas with her dd as she doesn't have a job. Yet me and dp only have Christmas Day and Boxing Day at home with dd. At least one of us is working every day now.

I know it's petty to feel jealous but why does she have to show everyone on social media too?

No wonder she doesn't want to work when she can live a life like this!

Could be all a front and she's racked up debt in credit cards.

Don’t be jealous.. being on benefits is nothing to be jealous of. This country sucks sometimes. Benefits are there to help people of course, but sometimes families on benefits seem better off. But me damn proud that you and the OH work hard for your money...

I have been a single parent on benefits. I left my horrible ex whilst pregnant with DS and had no choice to give up work during pregnancy as I was really poorly. I was ok benefits for about two years and when I had my son I admit I was probably better off somewhat than I am. I struggled with going back to work then as I had nobody to care for DS and nurseries are expensive. As I got all my rent, council tax paid, I was probably better off. Life is better off benefits though.

Is she able to work? Could she get someone to care for her child? Relatives, nurseries, childminder?

I am sure your daughter had a fab Christmas and hasn’t noticed how much her cousin got. I agree it’s a bit silly that she posted on social media. If her friends know she’s on benefits then they are probably thinking the same as you.

I have a fb friend, she’s a single mother on benefits too. Her kids got tons!!

I have another friend. Neither her or her husband work (for not apparent good reason- surely one of them could work). They kids have it all. This Christmas they had an x-box, a Segway, a laptop, an iPhone amongst other things. etc etc. Now that is crazy. It’s posted on fb and I’m sure everyone gets a bit peed off because they can afford more than most. And they go on 2-3 holidays a year, have regular nights out. Her kids get free school dinners but she gives them £5 extra a day (each) so they can buy extra food!! What the hell!!

Anyway, I could rant all day! Remember your daughter will always remember her parents worked hard for the family and that’s something to be proud of!

Be assured that you are setting a far better example of how to live life to your daughter than she is to her children. The aspirations that you’ll give her to get the best out of school so that she can earn her own money are worth far more than some expensive toys.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

She’s on benefits
It’s not a lot
She’s generous and chooses to spend her money like this.

You’re setting your children up for a far better future. One day you will see a change in your lives and you will be able to be proud of what you have accomplished for your dd / them. Benefits are not increasing and your sister is setting herself and her family up for a big headache.

I would feel the same, tbh.

But if I was living like that, I'd be racked with guilt that I wasn't providing for my family, and that I was having it handed on a plate (not meaning genuine families on benefits, but she doesn't sound like she is).

Some people are just hard faced. Hold your head up high and try not to be bitter.

YABU.

LOL dolls are just plastic shit anyway.

You shouldn't be jealous of your sister, you should be pissed off this joke of a government who have caused the lowest wage growth since the 1800s (or something ridiculous). Your sister has spent her money to make her kids happy at christmas. You work your arse off under for much less money than you should be getting. Life isn't fair in the UK, but it is not your sister's fault.

I'm.on benefits and i cannot afford any of this..admittedly i do a bit of work and study but i am genuinely confused.

Even before universal credit i couldn't afford it. It could be that they got gifts through the year.

I could only afford holidays due to inheritance ...then the benefits stopped.

I rekon something else is going on. I hate a benefit bashers thread. Why dont you both give up work and go on benefits if you envy the lifestyle?

When i mean work...i am talking 5 hours of cleaning pw to supplement study.

She is perfectly able to work at least a few hours a day as her dd is at school. Also our mum has offered to look after her dd during school holidays etc. She wouldn't even have to pay for childcare!

It's annoying how sisters dd will brag about trips they have gone on together and movies they've gone to watch, we can't do any of that, we have no time or money for it!

Maybe I should look for a better paid job

I would also like to remind everyone that on universal credit it is a struggle to survive and pay bills and eat...let along get fancy gifts.
Sounds like she isn't on it yet.

But surely if she is on benefits and her DD is at school she is expected to look for and prove she is looking for work.

My DB has LD and has struggled for many many years to get work even of the kind such as cleaning as he can’t drive and getting to very early start jobs is out of his reach. Yet his life is a constant round of misery proving he has job hunted for 40 hours a week and then getting a periodic sanction for “not trying hard enough”.

How does she manage to chose a benefit lifestyle, I didn’t think it was possible anymore.

t's annoying how sisters dd will brag about trips they have gone on together and movies they've gone to watch,

So she's on benefits, manages to buy her DD tonnes of gifts AND go on day trips etc.

I don't believe you.

This is a thinly disguised benefits bashing thread.

Or your sister's a thief of some kind.

She is supposed to be looking for work and she's done a few job interviews, but doesn't try very hard at the interview.

Fortunes you don't have to believe me.

I'm not a liar though!

She's probably up to her neck in debt, probably to a luan shark. Still feeling jealous? YABU.

I see three options.
She's either:

1. Very good at saving and budgeting to afford these things for her daughter. Coupons, 2-4-1 cinema tickets etc

1. In debt to cover this stuff. Probably because she can't stand the thought of her child missing out (and being judged by her judgy sister).

1. This is all fucking bullshit and is just a bashing thread.

@Jodielie You really have no concept of what it's like to live on benefits. For you to say that you feel jealous of her when you have jobs and a secure home and don't have to worry about UC and sanctions etc is laughable. Get a grip.

Anyone who believes that people live a luxurious, effort-free and extravagant life just on government handouts - why don't you just quit then, go on benefits and report back? I think you'll be in for a horrific surprise!

Does she gets a lot of maintenance from her ex for her DD? Benefits are paid in addition to maintenance so she could have used that.

It's hard not to be resentful in such situation but as it's been said, it won't last. Ive been there, working to exhaustionwhen others were almost better off than me, that was at the time when benefits were even more generous and single parents didn't even need to look for work at all. Kids are now over 18 and looking back and where we are all now, I wouldn't trade for a second. As I've seen my financial situation getting better and better with less stress, these women have had to experience life the other way and it's even worse.

Your children will also understand. I remember when my q2yo came home after the first day of school after Xmas break and told me about her friend whose mum is on benefits got the latest iPhone when DD only had a cheap mobile and she said it was ridiculous and her bragging put friends off her. DD is now 19, studying FT and working and still shows no interest at all in latest mobile phones.

Let's bash people on benefits!

I'd say thanks for your generosity sis but how she can afford it

I was on long-term sick benefit for four years and it near enough finished me. I literally didn't dare spend a single unnecessary penny; cheapest 'value' brands from the shops, very little fruit and veg unless it was reduced in price. I lived on cheap bread and baked beans. My diabetic nurse asked why I wasn't eating meat or fish! She was shocked when I told her my income and suggested she check out the price of fish in particular. No wonder my multiple health issues never improved during this time. Now I am on State pension and can breathe a bit again.. far from easy but I manage the odd treat.

No way could she buy these gifts while on benefits unless she either had a loan from some awful firm like Provident, or is working and not declaring her earnings. It can't be done.

I was on benefits as a single mother a few years ago. I still managed to buy my kids what they wanted for Christmas because I spread the cost. I got more money being on benefits than I did working full time minimum wage, which wasn't a lot, actually. Nothing to be jealous, I can guarantee that if you and your partner both work, you're better off financially than her.