To feel jealous of my sister?

[Jodielie]

Basically she doesn't work because she doesn't want to, so lives off benefits, but has managed to buy her dd everything she asked for for Christmas. Then posts pictures on Facebook of her dd and all her new toys.

Me and dp both work but don't earn a lot so after paying bills and rent we aren't left with much spare cash. Our dd didn't get even half of what her cousin got.

They are both similar ages and into the same things. Those familiar with LOL dolls will know how expensive they are. We got dd 3 capsules £15 each and her cousins got the LOL big surprise £60 and a few capsules and a biggie LOL Pets too. She makes whatever we buy look pointless!

She's very generous with gifts too and ours look worthless compared to hers .

It's really got me feeling down as she also has been able to spend all Christmas with her dd as she doesn't have a job. Yet me and dp only have Christmas Day and Boxing Day at home with dd. At least one of us is working every day now.

I know it's petty to feel jealous but why does she have to show everyone on social media too?

No wonder she doesn't want to work when she can live a life like this!

I get what you are saying. I have known people like this and I can never understand it.

They don't work and have no intention of working yet seem to have plenty of money to splash out on all sorts of luxuries. I remember one family in particular, neither parents worked (he didn't want to and she kept having children every two years to avoid being "forced" into employment) yet they had plenty of money for nice clothes, new cars, holidays, etc. At Christmas they spent thousands on presents, I never understood how they could do it.

Maybe they were using credit cards or loans, who knows but if they were able to have that level of income on benefits, then something was very very wrong with the system.

Benefits should provide an acceptable standard of living but it shouldn't provide an income which pays more than national minimum wage. If it pays more to not work, then of course people are going to "play the system".

I know of others on benefits who really struggle, so it doesn't make sense when you see people "living it up"

Op you’re ok to feel jealous, don’t feel ashamed of it. it’s highly likely that this spending will have been funded by a loan or a credit card though, which is nothing to be envious of.

Benefits appear to work in some people's favour and not others. A few years ago our youngest was very ill, I had to give up work to care for him. DH still worked 37+ hours a week on £22500 a year, we got DLA at middle rate, carers allowance, working tax credit, child tax credit, child benefit, they all added up to around £1100 a month tax free plus my husband's wage. we didn't struggle and it enabled us to keep our house etc while our child was ill. I went back to work once he was better and I earn a lot more now, but we didn't struggle on benefits and still had holidays, Christmas etc.

Incidentally there are a lot of very dodgy forums that advise going down the ASD diagnosis route because it takes so long and you can try for DLA during diagnosis to up your benefits. It's abhorent, but it's done.

She'll have run up a load of debt to pay for it all. People on benefits really don't get much. You can use a benefit calculator online to work out how much she gets. If she's not working at all she'll have very little left once the rent and bills are paid. Does she get maintenance from her DDs Dad? If not, I can guarantee she'll be paying for it all in credit cards, loans, catalogues, etc.

Does your dd enjoy your gifts? If yes, they are not worthless.

Find what’s important to you and work towards that. But you can’t have everything at once.
Honestly, I like looking at bragging posts and photos on Facebook, it makes me happy. I’m “friends” with a former colleague who has 4 beautiful children (2 boys and 2 girls, of course), born at equal intervals, and she’s a stay-at-home parent. Looking at her FB pictures with her blonde, blue-eyed children dressed in colour-coordinated clothes is quite soothing. Do I want to be like her? NO! But I’m happy for her.

Maybe I’m the weird one.

If she worked between 19-32 and was childfree she might even have saved quite bit of her wages then to enable her to have time off work to raise her child. Or she may be in massive debt.