Babies at wedding

[babycatcher411]

Try to keep this as short as possible. I’m 30 weeks pregnant and have a son who is also 11.

My brother and his fiancé are getting married in about 18 months. It will be a grand event, and a lot of money is being spent on the day to make it as ‘perfect’ as possible. My brother and his girlfriend are equally parties in wanting to spend a significant amount of money (not just for the sake of it) to ensure they achieve everything they want from their day. To which I do not begrudge them at all, I’m pleased they’ve achieved the financial position they have to be able to do this (debt free) as they’ve both worked very hard to get there.

The issue ensues in that (and I have only been told this because my brother fiancé informed my younger sister of this, not ‘officially’) that my baby will not be invited. The implication from the conversation my sister had with brothers fiancé is that a baby may ruin the day somehow (I guess by crying?), and if she invites my baby, she will then also have to invite her friends baby.

My mother has subsequently had a conversation with my brother, who apparently just wants to ‘please’ his partner, so doesn’t want to put his foot down on the issue of inviting his nephew (my son will be about a year old at the point of the wedding) in case he upsets her.

We have recieved the save-the-date yesterday for the wedding addressed to “Baby-Catcher, Mr Baby-Catcher and DS1”. Now this doesn’t concern me as such, because you don’t generally add an unborn to an invite, but equally doesn’t provide clarity as to whether the baby will be invited or not. No one has ‘officially’ told me the baby is not, so I could be forgiven for thinking he is. Although later in the day yesterday during a conversation (one I was not involved in as such, but witness to) my brothers fiancé said that there will be no babies at the wedding.

I’m not sure what to do at this point, do I just not worry for now, the wedding is ages away, and maybe my brother fiancé will change her mind when the baby is a bit more real to her? Should I bring it up with my brother and/or fiancé and gain some clarity?

Is it a normal thing not to invite direct family to weddings because they’re a baby? I don’t know how I feel about going without my second son. My partner has made it clear (to me) that if the baby isn’t invited, he’s not attending.
It will potentially also cause an issue because my older sister is TTC from Jan, so there could easily be two babies in the family by the time of the wedding.

Thanks for the replies, an interesting mix of responses. I’m going to leave it for the time being and then have a proper conversation with my brother a little closer to the time.

The only reason I concentrated it more on being what the bride wants, is that (and this is word of mouth from my mother) my brother would very happily have the baby there, but doesn’t want to upset his fiancé and put his foot down and say the baby should be there, when he can also understand why she doesn’t want babies there at all.

@Whattodonut

“Leave it for now. They can't know (or you) what your baby will be like at 1 yet wink”

This is very true, my older son was an absolute breeze when he was younger and you could’ve snuck him in anywhere and no one would’ve been any the wiser.
I’m preparing my life to be drastically turned upside down come March because surely I can’t be so lucky second time round 😂

KnightlyMyMan

I think you have to remember that none of your guests are going to care that much about the time or money you spent on your wedding. You did that because you wanted a fancy party and for the most part the guests don't really benefit from it. Guests are usually happy that the couple have found each other, they want to come to the wedding, wish the couple well and have a good time. They don't want to be there to provide an audience while the bride and groom while they pretend to be celebrities and they definitely don't want to be reminded that they've spent SO MUCH MONEY on the wedding and SO MUCH TIME organising it and it has to be PERFECT. You chose to spend all that time and money - guests have also often spent a fair amount of time and money coming and they didn't get a choice of venue etc.

myrtleWilson about 5k less than the average UK wedding so it's a modest affair

The nicest wedding I have been to (as a non family guest) was a very simple evening party in a local hall, with catering done by a family member who did know what they were doing, and a great band.

Would love to know how much Knightly's poor guests are going to have to spend to attend this wedding of the year. Because I'll bet it comes to more than £170 per head...