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Original poster

To say something to MAJOR CF that is 'SIL'

100 replies

Crookedcolours · 26/12/2018 19:31

Not technically SIL as her and my DB aren't married but live together ltr etc

We generally have a good relationship, literally everything's fine other than this one thing but this one thing is majorly pissing me off!!

Every time we eat out (me and DC, her and bro, and my dad) which is quite often, she orders the most expensive thing and then leaves my dad to pay for it.

My dad always picks up the bill but I will always send him money for me and DC or offer at least or AT LEAST say thank you!! She and DB do nothing. No thanks

Oh sorry the other week after ordering ridiculous £20 main course she was saying oh I'll pay extra towards it (after not finishing it)

Her and DB got out the cash at the end and paid £20. Not joking. £20 contribution which just covered HER main course after starters, cocktails and desserts each

It's taking the piss. We know my DB is tight but why does she think it's ok to take a advantage of my DF like that because he has aspergers and doesn't like confrontation.

Tomorrow there's a family meal she's the only one to have ordered the 3 course festive menu again. I know she's going to leave my dad to pay. YES I do think my DB is being a CF as well.

WIBU to say something to her or DF?

OP posts:
baubled · 26/12/2018 19:45

Sorry @Crookedcolours I didn't mean you don't offer/pay, I meant say that at the table to your DB and SIL so they have to not only pay for their own but split your DF too (only if you're happy to split your DF too)

LittleMe03 · 26/12/2018 19:45

Next time you eat out, instead of quietly giving your dad money just say "let's all chip in because it's not fair dad always picks up the tab

Exactly! If your DF then says, no no no... I'm paying. Then he is clearly happy to do so and shouldn't concern you 🤷🏼‍♀️

posthistoricmonsters · 26/12/2018 19:47

I think your text was the right thing. It's not fair at all that your father's good nature is being abused like that.

IceBearRocks · 26/12/2018 19:47

OMG this is my DB2 and DSil. Funnily enough when the bill needs paying they go very very quiet. We recently ate at a Toby so not expensive. DB1 and DH pulled together to pay but DB2 and DSil just kept Thier heads down and said nothing ! DF had already paid the bill as it was his treat but we all offered something ...except those two!!!! Every time!
One we all were supposed to put in for Chinese put they pissed off without handing over any money ...so then DF gave us our money back as he can't pay for them and not us!!!
They are so fucking tight they share a drink at Toby!!!

FFS just put in and enjoy the time with your family rather than a free meal! It's a bit selfish and sad IMHO!

Kikipost · 26/12/2018 19:47

Has your father ever expressed disappointment / resentment that she doesn’t contribute?

ILiveInSalemsLot · 26/12/2018 19:48

If you’ve arranged to eat out together as a get together, why don’t you sort out beforehand how you’re all paying for it and confirm with everyone by text/WhatsApp.
Send a group message saying what SayNoToCarrots has said.

irnbruforlife · 26/12/2018 19:48

Has your df actually said he is not happy paying? Or is it you that's not happy he is paying? Maybe df is happy to pay for his ds and dil?

SoupOnMyTableNowSir · 26/12/2018 19:49

It works for us splitting bills because we all have different married surnames as sisters. We all sit at one table but have 4 bills for the table.

Why not pay for yours and your Dad's meals and then he uses the app to transfer his share to you?

That way you control and it forces them to pay their share.

Original poster
Crookedcolours · 26/12/2018 19:49

Of course I'm happy to cover his too.

Not being funny I work part time minimum wage, single mum of 2. Me and my dad take turns paying for lunch, buying stuff for each other, I just hosted Christmas and turned down his offer to contribute. I'm not tight!

OP posts:
Original poster
Crookedcolours · 26/12/2018 19:51

She just replied

What
I was gonna pay for myself

OP posts:
Original poster
Crookedcolours · 26/12/2018 19:51

I guarantee like every other time my dad was going to be left to pay for theirs

OP posts:
mumof2sarah · 26/12/2018 19:51

You honestly don't sound tight at all OP. I think you've done the right thing texting everyone. Have they replied?x

CanuckBC · 26/12/2018 19:52

Have you talked to your dad about this and asked him how he feels? Is your dad on a fixed or limited income? If he is they are taking the piss

My parents will always pay when we go out. I don’t buy the most expensive thing or drink to the gills and neither do my children (10 & 12) They are comfortable. My sister and brother are the same, realistic expectations are done by all.

Your “sil”seems to be taking the piss. Most expensive items, appy and drinks. If it was average everything or if it was what in line with what your dad was doing that would be different.

Talk to your dad. See what he is comfortable with. Set up new expectations with the results of this conversation. Then let it go.

Rarfy · 26/12/2018 19:52

This grates on me too. Everytime we go out for a family meal the same two members seem to look at the menu and purposefully pick the most expensive thing on it. I don't get it at all. If i know someone else is paying i purposefully go to the cheaper end of the menu.

I feel your frustrations. I think the text was a good idea you need to inform your dad now too.

gamerwidow · 26/12/2018 19:53

Do they know you chip in after for the meals. To them it probably seems like they are only doing the same as you. Anyway good text it lets everyone know where they stand before they get there so no discomfort later.

mumof2sarah · 26/12/2018 19:53

Cross post just say just reminding everyone so they don't forget cards or money etc, such a busy time of year. I could never sit and eat a meal with my partners family and not pay, I'd be mortified x

IsThatYou · 26/12/2018 19:54

How does your dad feel about it?

WallisFrizz · 26/12/2018 19:54

Reply, “I know you were, just making sure everyone had the same idea xx”

Chapterandverse · 26/12/2018 19:54

You just tell the waiter that the bill will be spilt in two between you and brother.

So if bill is £100 just pay £50 each.

Returnofthesmileybar · 26/12/2018 19:54

Just reply "Great, glad to hear it", if she pushes it just be straight with her, call both of them on it

Sinead100 · 26/12/2018 19:55

OP I wouldn't even respond to her reply to you. YANBU.

Cranky17 · 26/12/2018 19:55

I think you should have left it to your dad - and if you sil is a cf so is dB

YeahILoveSummer · 26/12/2018 19:57

"When the waiter/ess comes over just say to her, this is going to be three separate bills." Yeah def do this that will teach them

LeilaDarling · 26/12/2018 19:59

Let us know what their response is to let’s split the bill tomorrow.
Great idea.
Major CF on their part!
There are too many people like this and good on you for protecting your Dad xx

Hohocabbage · 26/12/2018 20:00

My parents would never have let us pay for a meal. Not all parents want you to chip in.

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