To feel a bit sad or confused? Or both?!

[changingusernamefornow]

NC for this
OK so I was born abroad and I was not going to my home country for Christmas. Big family, only me and brother have DCs.

Two of my siblings (sister and brother with new baby) are over there for Christmas.

My other siblings don't particularly like children (not Herods but not particularly interested, won't have them either) or have been around them much.
My sister just informed me that "she has no clothes to wear for our niece Christening" 😳
Say what?

AIBU to think they could have told us this was happening? 😳

I have a normal relationship with my brother. I thought maybe it was because we didn't do a big wedding (just us and witnesses) and SIL likes a Vendetta (which of course would still mean they were both "guilty" not just her) but my other sibling said that they had no clue either.

I asked my sister who is going and she said, well, he just sent me a text the other day to ask me to be the Godmother 😳 and that it is an "informal" event and no need to dress up, yet it is in our hometown big impressive Cathedral that I know takes a long time and strings to book.

My sister who is going doesn't have anything to wear and as much as he says"casual" we all know that won't be the case.

I can only think that
A) she didn't want my sister to dress up (she commented on the dress I wore to her wedding for months -a royal blue, modest neck line Karen Millen dress) and she buys something if we bought it, like dresses.
B) since we are no longer religious, my brother thinks we would judge, which makes me think I need to work on how I project my opinions as I am very respectful of religion, just don't follow anymore
C) it really is an informal event and he forgot to tell me?
I just exchanged messages the other day with him and talked about his plans so I feel confused and maybe a little sad...

I thought maybe it is because he has seen how happy DC is and that he thought we are good parents and that he would have asked me to be godmother?
So I asked my sister who wasn't told and she said she is sad as well.

Be honest!! 💙

Mmmhhh @Shoppingwithmother that wouldn't have been my choice as I thought godparents take care of the child is if something happens to them?
But that aside, this makes a lot of sense (although the godfather does have a child). Maybe that is their reason. But I like my sister so they could have said. I have been helping her choose clothes on line today for the event

No that’s a guardian.
God parents have nothing to do with the child’s upbringing if something happens to the parent

Ohhh even in other countries?

I understood you straight away. I haven't read the whole thread, but I think leaving you out is probably coming from his wife, your sil. I would phone him and let him know how upset you are. Hard to do, but he is your brother. You must be deeply upset and he needs to know how he has hurt you. Please make sure you let us know how things turn out.

If clothes are important then perhaps the venue is.really important to them and they knew you wouldn’t be in a position to travel there? You do sound very upset but that’s maybe because none of these plans have been clearly communicated?

I agree that people who don’t have children are often chosen as godparents and IME this isn’t necessarily a successful strategy or, indeed even very popular with the godparents.

Let it go. There will probably be more babies and you can drop hints about being chosen but frankly as an aunt vs aunt/godmother there is literally no difference. Just be a lovely caring and interested aunt.

@Jayfee thank you. My brother is very much in love with her and I have kind of taken a step down because she doesn't like him paying me too much attention and I just want a happy marriage for him so I don't want to cause drama

@MatildaTheCat my sister travelled to my home country last week but she was told about the event yesterday, so she has no clothes. My brother has said "informal" to her but it doesn't sit right to attend a Christening in the Cathedral in jeans or leggings so she is trying to find an outfit and I am helping her.
There won't be more babies on their side as this one was a miracle 💙 and I honestly don't mind about not being godmother as you say, but I feel that we were always so close it is odd he didn't tell me or anything.

I know I should and will let it go and it will be forgotten but I am, at this moment, confused about the secrecy of it all

Ok, I am asking my brother
Be brave be brave

Oh!
I also talk to my mum everyday, she could have told me!
I think probably because she doesn't want to be in the middle. Bless her

OP I don't think your English is awful. I managed to understand your post without any difficulty. There are many English people with much poorer written language.

@Georgepigthedragon but I strive for fluency I have worked so hard and I finally got my British citizenship. I don't want my DC to be ashamed or embarrassed and I want a good career for me. I have a good job but I wonder if I will never get higher up now.

I honestly wanted to blend in and be fluent and I have tried incredibly hard!

I asked
He just said they wanted a small church but they ended up booking the Cathedral

I said oh I wish I had known to send a card an a present

He said "it is an exclusive" as joking it is one of those news reports that are kept a secret until the report

And sent this pic. So no explanation about why I was never told

Those little shoes 😔😍💙

*and a present

I have read back over your post with an eye for poor communication and l see absolutely nothing wrong with it. I understood it totally. Please do not give one thought to that.

I haven't read the full thread but just wanted to comment on how brilliant your English is, considering it is a second language.

I thought your first post was pretty clear. It was obvious what the issue was.

Feeling envious now that I can't speak two languages. What an amazing life skill. I'm trying to learn Spanish but it's so hard as an adult.

Having read the thread it sounds as if your brother and sil wanted the christening to be a surprise. I don’t think it was malicious. Rather not very well thought through. Perhaps they were actually trying to avoid family drama by doing it this way. The irony is they have actually created some.

Those shoes are adorable.

Op don't worry about the complainers. Your English is fine. I suspect the problem lies in their comprehension skills.

I think maybe you are overthinking this OP.
By coincidence we had one of our DCs christened in the break between Christmas and NY and in a cathedral as well. It was a very last minute arrangement as the person we wanted for godfather unexpectedly came home from another continent for Christmas. Because we attend services regularly at the cathedral and know several of the priests it was easy to arrange it with 48 hours notice. Obviously at such short notice it wasn’t possible for all the family to attend and we didn’t expect them to. It was a genuinely low key affair. If your DB is religious it might be that he is looking on this more as a sacrament than a social event that requires new outfits and fancy clothes. He might actually think he’s doing you a favour by not pressuring you to attend if you aren’t religious. My own DB lives locally but didn’t come as he finds church services incomprehensible and very dull.

There are people who come on to deeply sensitive threads just to point out one spelling mistake. They’re sad bastards with far too much time on their hands. Ignore them.

If you are not religious you could not possibly be a godparent, because you have to swear to support the child in the Christian faith.

@changingusernamefornow I found your post totally clear and easy to understand - and the same with all your responses to questions/comments. Don't take it personally when people try to make you feel bad!

@changingusernamefornow I have just re-read your initial post and if you hadn't mentioned that you were born in a different country then I would have never known. Your English is absolutely fine so ignore the people who claim not to have understood it as it says more about them than it does you.
Please don't give it another moments thought.
With regards to the Christening, I'd be upset too. Your brother should have at least mentioned it to you. Very odd that he's only just told your sister too
Maybe it'll all become clearer one day.
You sound like a lovely supportive sister by the way

Your written English is excellent OP.

Ohhhh thank you all for your kind comments!

I have updates!!!

Christening was today and my cousin sent me pics

Baby and everyone else looking lovely and seemed to have a good time!

But there were gifts for everyone, custom made so it was definitely arranged in advance, also a professional cake and topper, and people were wearing suits and dresses and have been to the hairdresser, so not informal.

It is fine, I didn't mention a thing and I am happy for my family, that they had a great day and all.

Oh, for the poster that mentioned about not being religious, my sister (godmother) isn't either. I actually followed my faith for a lot longer and was very active after confirmation until about my 20s. My brother isn't religious either and him and his wife haven't visited a church since their wedding.
No judgement there, just explaining the picture.

Anyway. A good day was had by all, but one day maybe I will know why I wasn't told 🤔

If I do I shall let you know

And thank you for the comments regarding my English
💙💙💙💙💙💙

I'm glad the christening went well and you at least saw some photos.
I still feel incredibly sad for you that you were left out. I really don't understand it as you are close to your brother.
I can only imagine he knew you wouldn't be able to make it and he didn't want to upset you.
Like I said before, you sound absolutely lovely 😊