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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Upset with grandparents and Auntie

55 replies

Heartofgoldmumof2 · 26/12/2018 16:50

My parents, the kids grandparents looked after them Sunday 23rd while I finished wrapping presents and prepared food for all who were coming on Monday/ Xmas eve as I was working in the morning. My kids are 4 girl & 2 boy. They were there from 12pm - 6.30pm. When I collected them my dad said I was taking the p* because they had them so long and fed them lunch/tea. They had not seen them for approx a month. I know they find it tiring because they are boisterous and they feel they have to follow them if they go upstairs. Just had Boxing Day today with my family including my sister (who does not have kids). Their auntie who goes for months without seeing them. She has arranged to meet up with my mum and auntie afternoon tea on Saturday and she said I could come but I had to leave the kids at home. I am working 27th/28th. I have declined because I want to be with my kids on my day off. I feel very upset that my kids are seen as too noisy, boisterous and family don’t like spending time with them - am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
CripsSandwiches · 26/12/2018 16:52

I don't think YABU. With the babysitting it should be set out in advance exactly how much time they are going to have them so they can plan if they need to feed them dinner. It sounds like your kids are treated as an inconvenience by your family and of course that's hurtful.

LIZS · 26/12/2018 16:54

Yabu to expect them to include your dc in an adult only outing. They have as much right to their space as you do to spend time with your dc.

Lindy2 · 26/12/2018 17:01

6 and a half hours of childcare for a 2 and 4 year old would be pretty tiring, especially if they are energetic and the carer is not used to doing it. And yes they do need to follow 2 and 4 year olds if they go upstairs. So should you in your home if you are not already doing it or better still use a stairgate.
How long had you arranged for them to be looked after. If it was agreed to be until 6.30pm then YANBU. If you had no agreed time then yes 6 and a half hours is probably too long.
The afternoon tea is an adult activity so not suitable to take your children to. Why don't you suggest a child focused activity for another day that everyone could potentially go to ie a trip to the zoo, the park etc. Then they could spend quality time with you and your children.

insancerre · 26/12/2018 17:04

6 and 1/2 hours for wrapping presents and preparing a meal is a bit excessive

sweeneytoddsrazor · 26/12/2018 17:04

Why would you want to take young kids to afternoon tea. If the kids are boisterous and your oarents find them tiring then you should be leaving them for a shorter amount of time or seeing them with them. If they didnt want to spend time with them they wouldnt have come to your house today would they.

OhLemons · 26/12/2018 17:06

Same as others posters I would have expected a pick up time to be agreed in advance.

Depending on age and health, 6.5 hours is quite a long time to look after children that age.

I know it feels awful if you think people don't enjoy spending time with your children, but afternoon tea isn't really an occasion for very young children.

LittleLongDog · 26/12/2018 17:09

What time did you say you were picking them up?

YABU about the afternoon tea though. It’s not like it will be fun for the kids anyway.

Colourfullanguage · 26/12/2018 17:13

I would say midday to 6:30 is a long time. It covers both lunch time and tea time. 9am-3 feels less because it only covers lunch. Not everyone wants to spend a lot of time with boisterous children. I love my daughter but I will be the same as a grandparent. My sister’s kids are very “boisterous” and I can only take them in small doses no matter how much I love them.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 26/12/2018 17:15

YABU. At 2 and 4 presents can usually be wrapped when they’re in bed. Six and a half hours is an awful lot of time to expect them to look after your DC, especially if they don’t normally see them.

I think YABU about the afternoon tea too. Fine if you don’t actually want to go, but don’t martyr yourself, you’re allowed a couple of hours away from the DC once in a while.

Singlenotsingle · 26/12/2018 17:16

My dgc are 5 and 2. The 2yo in particular is very hard work, goes through the house like a hurricane chucking everything all over the floor - not just toys but everything else as well. You are being unreasonable, particularly with regard to dsis, who hasn't got kids. The dc are your responsibility, not theirs.

Seniorschoolmum · 26/12/2018 17:16

Yabu about the afternoon, people value child-free time.

On the babysitting, I guess it depends how young/fit/healthy your parents are. If they are in their 60s I can see their point of view.

ncasouting · 26/12/2018 17:18

Had the time been arranged in advance?

YABU re the afternoon tea. It’s an adult thing and you shouldn’t bring your kids with you.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 26/12/2018 17:19

How old are your parents?
I wouldn’t want to take my toddler to an afternoon tea, it’s not enjoyable for me to try and control and contain her. The bigger issue seems to be they aren’t interested in your children/ see them enough for which YANBU

CripsSandwiches · 26/12/2018 17:23

TO be fair from my reading of the OP (and I might be wrong) it's not so much that OP objects to an adult event every so often she probably just feels hurt that after so long without seeing DC her sister decided to arrange only an adult gathering rather than one which would be also suitable for kids.

Not every aunt or grandparent are really that excited by kids unfortunately. My side of the family are happy to buy gifts and see DC for short bursts but can't really be bothered beyond that. It is a bit hurtful but I've just accepted it.

maddiemookins16mum · 26/12/2018 17:23

I’d quite like to hear the ‘other side’ of this story.

RedPanda2 · 26/12/2018 17:32

I'm an auntie wjo doesn't see their niecephews for months. I love them but they're tiring. If she doesn't have children she may not want to be around children?

Whathappensnext2018 · 26/12/2018 17:33

Yabu on both accounts on reasons pp stated

chocolatemademefat · 26/12/2018 17:33

You can't expect people - even family - to want to go to afternoon tea with two boisterous young children. No matter how fond you are of children there are occasions when other people's kids are just boring. At their ages of course they're your whole world but to other people - not so much.

CatnissEverdene · 26/12/2018 17:34

I adore my grandchildren but after 6 hours with them, I'm ready for a lie down in a dark room and a bloody great glass of gin.

And I'm in my late 40s!!

HeebieJeebies456 · 26/12/2018 17:38

I feel very upset that my kids are seen as too noisy, boisterous *
They ARE boisterous - by your own admission, I know they find it tiring because they are boisterous and they feel they have to follow them if they go upstairs

Are you one of those parents that think your children should be welcomed/allowed/invited everywhere with adults, and that all adults should think the sun shines out of your dc arses no matter how they behave?

family don’t like spending time with them
You need to take your head out of your arse and acknowledge that the 6.5hr babysitting your parents have done proves your statement wrong.

I think you're just looking for fault where there is none because you're one of those parents.

WorraLiberty · 26/12/2018 17:39

YABU really.

It's Christmas for everyone. Everyone's knackered.

She's entitled to make plans without your kids being there.

WorraLiberty · 26/12/2018 17:41

Oh and just to add, if you're looking after a 2yr old who goes upstairs, you don't feel you have to follow them up, you absolutely do.

Unless you want your toddler unsupervised?

Bobbybobbins · 26/12/2018 17:44

YABU about the afternoon tea.

But I find the comments above about children being too much for the grandparents etc a bit confusing when so many people on MN seem to have grandparents doing regular childcare for them!!

WorraLiberty · 26/12/2018 17:47

Bobby, grandparents are individual people

From what the OP has said, her kids were too much for theirs.

Dotty1970 · 26/12/2018 17:51

Depends also on your take of 'boisterous', if they are naughty and uncontrollable, cheeky etc they won't want them there and it's not unreasonable