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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Upset with grandparents and Auntie

55 replies

Heartofgoldmumof2 · 26/12/2018 16:50

My parents, the kids grandparents looked after them Sunday 23rd while I finished wrapping presents and prepared food for all who were coming on Monday/ Xmas eve as I was working in the morning. My kids are 4 girl & 2 boy. They were there from 12pm - 6.30pm. When I collected them my dad said I was taking the p* because they had them so long and fed them lunch/tea. They had not seen them for approx a month. I know they find it tiring because they are boisterous and they feel they have to follow them if they go upstairs. Just had Boxing Day today with my family including my sister (who does not have kids). Their auntie who goes for months without seeing them. She has arranged to meet up with my mum and auntie afternoon tea on Saturday and she said I could come but I had to leave the kids at home. I am working 27th/28th. I have declined because I want to be with my kids on my day off. I feel very upset that my kids are seen as too noisy, boisterous and family don’t like spending time with them - am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
SillySallySingsSongs · 26/12/2018 17:56

I’d quite like to hear the ‘other side’ of this story.

Me too.

Amaried · 26/12/2018 17:57

Depends how long you told them they were having them from, if it was just to wrap pressies then I'm sure they were surprised it was 6 hours!
Ps afternoon tea is no place for small kids. Am sure you weren't planning on taking them anyhow.

tillytrotter1 · 26/12/2018 18:00

We quite often have our grandchildren for a long day, have done since they were quite small, we have had them for afew days at a time and the other one we tend to have for the Summer break, 5 or 6 weeks. It does get a a bit exhausting but wouldn't have it any other way and we're now in our 70s!

Rachelle3211 · 26/12/2018 18:10

6.5 hours is a long time and I don't think it unreasonable to not invite the kids to afternoon tea. That is an adult only event.

GemmeFatale · 26/12/2018 18:13

How can we possibly know? Maybe your family is unreasonable or maybe your kids are unruly little horrors. You are unlikely to know if it’s the latter.

lalafafa · 26/12/2018 18:13

Sounds as though your children are badly behaved.

Original poster
Heartofgoldmumof2 · 26/12/2018 18:39

Thanks for all the comments - just to clarify I had to do do a food shop as well to buy the food and buy last 3 gifts. I was preparing a meal for Xmas eve that was for 7 adults and 2 children: myself and hubby, grandparents, sister and husband, my grandmother and the 2 kids. I always host on Xmas eve but was working in the morning. There was not an agreed time for me to pick them up.
I don’t really want to take the kids to afternoon tea. It’s just that my sister had arranged to do something with my mum and auntie and has specifically said that the children cannot come but thinks o would be happy to come along when she goes for months without seeing them but is very happy to spend Xmas day and Boxing Day around her husbands 3 niece and newphews. The 2 boys are 4 and 2 and just as noisy and ‘boisterous’ as my two kids

OP posts:
loubluee · 26/12/2018 18:44

Think your children may be more naughty than you think/willing to believe..,,,

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 26/12/2018 18:55

I don’t think your kids are particularly naughty from what you describe op- toddlers are just exhausting. I would next time just explain to your parents how much you have to do before they babysit so they can anticipate how long you will be gone for.

TheBigBangRocks · 26/12/2018 19:02

I'd have been cross at 6.5 hours too. Wrapping shouldn't take that long so I'd have expected a couple of hours at most. Most people wrap at night or as they buy when they have children.

Neither would I expect mine to be invited to afternoon tea, it's for adults not children. How can you be cross at being expected to leave them yet happily left them for hours only a few days ago when it suited you?

they are boisterous

Isn't that usually code for naughty and not can't behave.

CripsSandwiches · 26/12/2018 19:10

I don't why everyone is piling in with nasty comments about OP's kids being little terrors. Her youngest is 2. No two year old can behave and almost all of them are boisterous.

Girlicorne · 26/12/2018 19:10

It depends what was agreed, if you said a couple of hours and rocked up after 6.5 hours then you are a CF and definitely unreasonable!! If you agreed the timings in advance then they are unreasonable, I hate it when people agree to do stuff to help you out then moan about it!

YABU about the afternoon tea, it's an adult thing and usually very expensive, I d be pissed off if I paid out for something like that and had it ruined by bored toddlers. It's not something for kids (or me actually I d get bored and act like a bored toddler too!!)

My sister has zero interest in my kids and that's fine, I chose to have them she chose not to I don't expect her round here playing doting auntie every weekend, it's just not her thing!

BellyDancer124 · 26/12/2018 19:10

they are boisterous

Isn’t that usually code for naughty and not can't behave

Spot on 😂

melj1213 · 26/12/2018 19:43

There was not an agreed time for me to pick them up

My aunt used to do this to my mum and uncles until they all refused to help any more. "I have a few jobs to do, any chance you can look after for a while today?" They'd agree and my aunt would drop the kids off in the morning and roll up to collect them 7/8 hours later and be shocked that her siblings were pissed off at having had to entertain her kids all day with no idea if she'd arrive in 5 minutes or 5 hours (and this was before mobiles so it wasn't easy to get hold of her to find out).

If I was asked to watch any of my nieces or nephews while my sibling did a food shop, bought a couple of last presents and prepped for xmas eve dinner I would not expect it to take 6.5 hours! At 4 and 2 I'd be expecting your kids to be heading to bed around 7pm so would have assumed you'd be collecting them at around 4/4.30 to get them home, fed, bathed and ready for bed by then. If you collected them any later -without explicit prior agreement or warning - I'd be annoyed.

It’s just that my sister had arranged to do something with my mum and auntie and has specifically said that the children cannot come but thinks o would be happy to come along when she goes for months without seeing them

She's arranged an adult event for her mum and auntie and was polite enough to invite her other close female family member to join. Whether you want to attend or not she has done the polite thing by extending the invite.

The fact she doesn't see your children very often is an entirely different issue - not inviting them to the afternoon tea is not a snub as it is not a child friendly affair.

Equally, she has no obligation to spend any time with your children. It would be nice for her to offer to spend time with them but she is their aunt and can choose to spend time with them or not. Perhaps she isn't fond of spending time with your kids because they are too boisterous or she just doesn't connect with them the way she does to her DHs nieces/nephews and she just isn't close. That does not make her a bad person.

TheWernethWife · 26/12/2018 19:46

Years ago I went for afternoon tea at a well know chef's restaurant, totally spoiled by a small girl running around screaming, her mother did fuck all about it.

Original poster
Heartofgoldmumof2 · 26/12/2018 21:31

Feeling a bit vindicated as my sister has text me apologising if she was too abrupt in the way she told me that my children could not come.

OP posts:
rubaduhlo · 26/12/2018 21:47

Why would your children come to afternoon tea? It's not really a little children activity as it involves sitting down at a table drinking hot tea and eating yummy food. I can't think of anything worse than having a 2 and 4 year old at that type of event. I like to relax at afternoon tea. Equally, activities shouldn't have to change because people have children. You all spent the day together today and on Christmas eve so Saturday will be for adults only.

HeebieJeebies456 · 26/12/2018 23:35

Feeling a bit vindicated as my sister has text me apologising if she was too abrupt in the way she told me that my children could not come.
She's been reading this thread! Grin

Seriously though, i think it's very entitled of you to just drop your kids off without arranging a pickup time, no wonder they're annoyed!
It isn't difficult to arrange a time or have the courtesy to ask if they can keep them til X time.

bridgetreilly · 26/12/2018 23:42

In the future, I would definitely agree a time for babysitting, so grandparents have a chance to plan and also to say if they feel it's too much for them.

steff13 · 26/12/2018 23:46

Isn't that usually code for naughty and not can't behave.

There my thinking too.

Nanny0gg · 26/12/2018 23:55

If the GPs don't have the children that often I doubt their house is childproofed. That would make it doubly exhausting.

And they need to block off the stairs somehow. DGC are not allowed upstairs in my house unless for the loo. Of course they have to follow them - unless they want the two year old falling downstairs

Didyeeaye · 27/12/2018 00:04

I also have a boisterous 4 year old DS. He isn't naughty at all but seems to constantly be on the go. I tire him out first at a park or vigorously playing before handing him to any one except his dad lol but still wouldn't leave him that long with friends or relatives.
I also totally understand the child free activities. I often invite friends for lunch or dinner when DS is at his dads and am a little disappointed when they ask to bring their DC. You can't have proper Adult conversation with little ones there.
Also about the Auntie that doesn't take them for months at a time. That was me for years, I took my nieces on nephews on occasions but rarely volunteered as I was busy with my own life and spent any spare time I had with friends or a boyfriend.

mouthkisses · 27/12/2018 00:21

I think on paper YANBU. Two grandparents looking after two children as a one off is far from taking the piss. Are they in reasonable health? If so, then I think they are the unreasonable ones in this scenario.

melj1213 · 27/12/2018 03:30

Two grandparents looking after two children as a one off is far from taking the piss

It is when the OP leaves her kids for 6.5 hours and doesn't actually give her babysitters a set time her kids will be collected!

I actually think it's worse to do it as a one off than if it was a regular thing - if the kids regularly spent long periods of time at their GPs house then I would assume the GPs would be aware of the demands of long visits and would have appropriately child proofed and have enough toys/games/activities to entertain their GC. If however they aren't normally there for a long time then I can see the GPs not being prepared for how difficult it is to keep a 2yo and 4yo occupied and out of trouble in a non-childproof house without appropriate resources for 6+hours.

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 27/12/2018 03:57

I agree that they shouldn’t come to afternoon tea - although it sounds like your sister was rather abrupt in how she approached this.
However looking after your children for 6.5 hrs when you have a meal to prepare for the family and presents to wrap, on top of having worked - I don’t see as a big deal at all. They are their grandchildren after all and if they can’t manage a few hours of childcare in the run up to Christmas that’s a bit rubbish.